I SAW THREE SHIPS …

Why does it look in this picture like the Pinta is shooting at the Santa Maria?

Fly-on-Wall to Chief: Hey, pssst. Look out on the horizon. See those white sails?

Chief: Those white things? Sails you say? They look like boats with a tepees on top. Haven’t seen any of them in a while. Well, maybe not ever. Who do you figure they are?

Fly-on-Wall: Europeans.

Chief: What’s a European?

Fly-on-Wall: Sickly white-skinned people with weapons and disease. They can kill you without even trying. They’ve come to destroy you, take all your land … that’s if you survive their diseases.

Chief: Get outta here. How bad could it really be? We’re healthy and strong. We get plenty of good food and exercise. Those ships don’t look so big or dangerous.

Fly-on-Wall: They are BAD. Evil. You should kill all of them before they set foot on shore. Really. No kidding.

Chief: What about hospitality? We don’t treat visitors like that. We welcome visitors.

Fly-on-Wall: Make an exception. Don’t welcome these. You’ll be sorry. Very very sorry.

Chief: You know, you’re just a bug. How do you know all of this?

Fly-on-Wall: I know things. I’ve been a fly on the wall for a long time in a lot of places. Don’t let the bastards off their ships. Burn them, kill them. They aren’t your friends. They bring illness, destruction. The end of everything good.

Chief: (Whack) (Splat). Flies. They always think they’re so smart.


FLY ON THE WALL – DAILY PROMPT

GET IT IN WRITING

When I was young and naïve, still trying to get established in my chosen profession, I happily accepted any job with a connection — no matter how tenuous — to writing. In those pre-Internet days, getting a job was simpler than it is now.

marilyn office desk computer

You called or wrote a letter. Included your résumé or brought it with you. You went for an interview. A day or two later, they called you back. It was either “Yes, you’re hired,” or “No, thank you.”

Every job didn’t require 30 hours of interviewing with everyone from the company president to the IT crew. There was a job to do. You were qualified to do it, or not. Whoever interviewed you had the authority to hire you. That was why he or she was doing the interviewing. Unlike today.

bouquet home sunlight

I don’t remember the details of the particular job, but I remember it was in the city. Manhattan. I wasn’t thrilled about its location. I lived in Hempstead, on Long Island. Getting there and back meant taking the Long Island Railroad which was not comfortable or dependable in the 1960s. I’m told it has improved since I last rode it.

Back then, it was over-crowded. Hot in summer, cold in winter. Expensive, particularly for a kid earning a minimal salary at an entry-level position.

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I took the job because it was with a large corporation. I thought it might lead to something better. I was working, so I quit the job I had — whatever it was — and two weeks later, on the appointed day, I showed up for work.

The guy who had offered me the job was gone. No one had heard of me, or the job. I had nothing in writing. No job. I wasn’t sure I would even be eligible for unemployment. I eventually qualified, but I had learned the most critical life lesson of all.

GET IT IN WRITING.

Whatever it is. If it’s not written, dated, and signed, it’s as good as the paper it isn’t written on. Or less.

HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY AND WELCOME TO OUR TOWN

It’s St. Patrick’s Day. If we still lived in Boston, there would be a lot of celebrating going on. Not the parade … they cancelled it this year because of all the snow. But every bar or pub, every fast food joint, would be serving something green. Bagel bakeries would be offering green bagels. Silly green hats would adorn the heads of many people who should know better.

Not around here. Nothing happening here. Nope, not a single thing. It’s just another chilly day in March.

Garry In Cong

Last night, late. We’re watching CSI. It’s late even for us (and we are not “early to bed, early to rise” people) because I’m backing up my photographic library to a new external hard drive. I didn’t expect it to take that long. I also didn’t realize I had 100,000 photographs. Okay, 99,487. Close enough.

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The show is a rerun. Newer ones aren’t great, but some of the original ones from the first seven years are pretty good. Before they swapped out most of the cast. Gary Dourdan was still playing Warrick Brown, a CSI Level 2 who has a gambling addiction.

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I commented that if you have a gambling addiction, Las Vegas might not be your best choice of places to live. I then paused, and said “You know, I think the hardest addiction to deal with is food. You can not drink and that’s a healthy choice. You can not smoke and your body will thank you. You can avoid illegal and most legal drugs too. You’d be in better condition as a result. But food, you gotta eat, so you are going to be confronting the enemy every day, at least two or three times. Up close and personal.”

Benches on the Rumford

Garry started to laugh. “Not if you move here.” By which he meant Our Town.

I laughed too. “You’re right. Eventually, you give up hoping for a good meal and eating becomes something you do because you have to.”

“You can barely find a bar. I mean, how many bars are there in the area? Four? Maybe?”

“Maybe we could advertise Our Town as the cure for sin. Because whatever it is you are addicted to … sex, drugs, food, gambling? Not here. We have churches. Grocery stores.”

“Hairdressers,” I added.

“Fingernail salons,” Garry continued. “We are the cure for evil of all kinds.”

“A little weak on the entertainment front,” I acknowledged.

Tombstones cemetery Uxbridge

I thought about it. No movie theater. No really good restaurants. No casinos, strip clubs. No clubs of any kind. Not even a classy neighborhood bar. We have churches and good, clean, family activities. Beautiful scenery.

You can’t even shop till you drop because there aren’t any stores. It’s not because Walmart drove them away. We don’t have a Walmart. That’s a couple of towns over. Thing is, I don’t think we ever had much in the way of shopping.

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You couldn’t commit adultery without everyone knowing in a nanosecond. I remember when I had lost a lot of weight. Garry and I went out to grab a hamburger. The next day, Garry got the third degree. “Who was that blond we saw you with? Where’s Marilyn?”

Poor Garry trying to explain that was Marilyn. Just thinner. And her hair is white, not blond.

So if you are struggling with gambling, sex or drug addiction, a lethal love of fine dining, or shopping mania? Come on over to Our Town. We don’t have any of that stuff here.

No kidding. We don’t.

SHARING MY WORLD – WEEK 11 – 2015

Share Your World – 2015 Week #11

List 2 things you have to be happy about?

I’m alive! I’m alive!

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Do you prefer ketchup or mustard or mayonnaise?  

Mayonnaise, but not much.  Mostly, I like to mix mayo with a bit of ketchup and lemon juice to make Russian dressing. But I don’t use much of anything.

I like (and make my own) tartar sauce. I also make very good shrimp sauce.

Saguaro Storm 06

If you were to paint a picture of your childhood, what colors would you use?

My real childhood? Dark broody colors. They weren’t my best years.

Do you prefer a bath or shower?

I love baths — especially jacuzzi — but usually I take a shower. It uses much less water … and then, there’s hair. Long hair. There is no way to launder my hair in a bathtub. I’ve tried, but there’s nothing like a hand shower to properly rinse long hair.

kohler shower bathroom

At a hotel at which we stayed for a couple of days in Maine, they had a bathroom to die for. The shower had four shower heads. You could aim each of them. That bathroom was as big as my kitchen here. It was a world-class bathing experience. Oh, and the tub was a two-person jacuzzi. Marble everywhere. I wanted to take it home with me. I dream of that bathroom.

OVERCOMING TECHNO-LUST

When you love cameras, there’s always a danger you may decide you need another, even though you don’t have enough time to use the ones you already own and can’t afford a new one.

It’s no different than other forms of techno-obsessive behavior.

cameras

It’s all techno-lust, the almost physical need to acquire the newest piece of technology.

Over time, most of us learn — the hard way — that newer isn’t inherently better. That there are a lot of reasons to wait and see if the latest really is the greatest — or is actually a step backward from what you own.

pentax q7 camera in case

What to do when the desire to shop for something shiny and new, with the all the bells and whistles hits you? Your hand begins to shake on the mouse. You want it. You want it now. You don’t even know what it is, but that’s not the point. You are overwhelmed by techno-lust.

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I get my jollies by going on Amazon. I look up cameras I already own. Read hundreds of favorable reviews about my cameras. Discover this one is a marvel of optics and photographic technology. That it has a viewfinder with 100% field of vision. Never mind whether or not I use a viewfinder. What’s important is that I have one. This camera can shoot a leaf on a tree 1000 feet away with perfect detail and no significant image deterioration. I know, I’ve done it.

I can pat myself on the back for my astuteness in purchasing this modern marvel.

gear cameras chargers

Then, if I must buy something — just because — I always need an extra battery, a new SD card, or a filter. In the end, I’ve spent less than $20. I’ve fed my obsession, had my shopping fix, and reinforced my fundamental belief that I am a Shopping Goddess.

The danger is I might discover something I didn’t know was out there, which I absolutely must have, if not today, then eventually.  So I have to stay focused, only look at cameras I own or those which are equivalent  but inferior to the ones I own.

Putting stuff on a wish list is almost as good as buying it because it satisfies ones urge to click.

I advise you not use this remedy when you are half asleep or under the influence of anything. It’s alarming to wake up in the morning and discover you are the proud owner of something you will be paying off for the rest of your natural life. Or longer.

me with olympus selfie

Cancelling and returning stuff is such a pain. Especially when you would rather keep it.

Meanwhile, my money remains where it belongs. In my account. Does this count as a vicarious or virtual shopping experience? Both?

JUST PICK ONE

HER: “We always watch the stuff you want to watch. How come we never watch my movies?”

HIM: “That’s not fair. I try to find things I think you’ll like.The other night I recorded ‘The Wind and the Lion.'”

HER: “You like that one too. You always have.”

HIM: “That’s besides the point.”

HER: “No it isn’t. There a pile of DVDs I’ve bought during the past year. Most of them, I bought for you and most of them, have at least been opened. None of mine have even had the cellophane removed. We never watch anything you don’t like.”

HIM: “Well, let’s make tonight different. {pause} You’re still sulking. I can tell by your face.”

HER: “You don’t mean it. As soon as one of those movies goes on, you’re going to start to make faces, or fall asleep. Instantly. You only do that to prove how boring my taste is.”

monty python British comedy movies

HIM: “I promise, I’ll watch. If I really hate it, I’ll tell you.”

HER: {Long Pause} “Okay, but you better mean it. Or …”

HIM: “Just pick a movie.”

HER: {Unwrapping} “It’s ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail.’ I don’t want to hear how you ‘don’t get’ British humor.”

HIM: “Do they have closed captions? Comedy is hard when you don’t get the words.”

HER: “Lemme see. Well, they have Full Script, English, French, Spanish, German, and Hard of Hearing.”

HIM: “Let’s try ‘Hard of Hearing.’ ”

HER: “It’s probably a goof.”

HIM: “I’m curious.”

HER: “Okay.”

Movie comes on. Someone is shouting loudly over the film. Cute.

HIM: “Okay. English, please.”


That’s how one of the major problems of the world — or our little corner of it — was solved, at least for this particular Saturday night. I guess it depends on ones definition of “divisive issue currently in the news.” A good time with much laughing was had by all. We even watched the accompanying “extra material.” It goes to show you, right? Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

A HOUSE DIVIDED: THE DAILY PROMPT

LET’S BE BRAVE AND DROP A FEW …

Marilyn Armstrong:

This was a silly prompt. Ask a silly question, get a silly answer. I like this one so much, I tried to read it out loud and by the end, was laughing too hard to continuing talking. So, without further ado …

Originally posted on The happy Quitter!:

euro-english

When I read today’s daily prompt I thought about an oldie but goodie and found it to be the perfect reply:

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