How many sad country western songs have we heard about the heartbreak of your man or woman cheating on you? Dump the bitch/bastard. No cheaters allowed!
Okay, wait minute here. I’m not condoning bad behavior … but aren’t we getting a little ahead of ourselves? Life is long — hopefully. Stuff happens and we don’t always do the right thing. Is anyone so free of blemishes they can point the finger of blame and not have a little twinge in there somewhere that says “Maybe this has something to do with me too.”
It’s not about condoning cheating. There are chronic cheaters, but honestly? If your mate is one of them, you knew it before you got married, before you set up housekeeping, before you shacked up. You did. Don’t tell you didn’t. You knew. Maybe you were the one he or she was cheating with at the time, so what made you think that it would never happen again?
The issue isn’t entirely what he/she did. The question is: “Is this relationship worth keeping?” Because it isn’t going to be easy. You don’t just have one conversation during which someone says “Hey, Babe, I’m sorry. It’ll never happen again.” That’s a bad Hollywood movie, not reality. Changing behavior is a process. It’s many discussions, fights, arguments over an extended period of time. It’s small changes, itty bitty ones that over the long haul grow bigger. Some problems never go away entirely. Liars once, liars forever. Cheaters once? Probably at the very least, wandering eyes forever.
What’s it worth to you? What is he or she worth to you? Is this a good person with a flaw? Are there other things that compensate? That make the relationship worth fighting for? How about compromise? Is that a dirty word? All relationships that endure involve a lot of compromise. Every single one. If you are looking for perfection, good luck on that. There’s always something wrong. For some reason, people are far better at adding up negatives than positives. Maybe we should rethink how we do math.
Relationships aren’t supposed to be disposable. Got a problem? Toss it. Get a new one. Uh uh. If the relationship was ever worth having, then it is probably worth fixing. Or at least, trying.
Of course, if it was a dud from the start and you wonder which drug you were taking addled your brain enough to get you involved … then move on. But first, stop and think. Just give it a good think before you split.