Too much wit

I outwitted myself. I was trying to tell the world, without being totally depressing, I’ve got some issues with my heart and am not in a good place, physically or emotionally. I’ve had a great deal of surgery, from a double mastectomy less than two years ago, to multiple redesigns of my digestive system, to remodeling of my spine … with varying degrees of success. I’m a mass of scars — literal, not figurative — and now, I seem to need a new mitral valve and who knows what else.

heartAndTest

I don’t feel well and I’m having a hard time being witty, clever, and frankly — right now — writing at all.

So I apologize for trying to set my own issues subtly in a post about A-Rod. No one even noticed what I said I guess. Regardless, I’m having trouble keeping up with this. I’m having trouble breathing. Walking. And given one thing and another, thinking. I’m confused, frightened, and not sure what I am going to do.

For now, I need to drink coffee and see if I can make my brain function. I feel like my head is stuffed with kapok.

Pain isn’t always a warning … sometimes, it’s just pain

It’s remarkable how much pain a non-lethal medical problem — like a bad disc in your back or an intestinal spasm — can cause …. while you can be incubating a heart attack, stroke, or cancer without pain or any other symptoms.

My back is never going to kill me. It’s a disaster and hurts like bloody hell. It makes life difficult, but that’s all it will do. The pain may be worse or better, but that’s it. Misery without end, but not life-threatening. I get esophageal and intestinal spasms that mimic a heart attack so well I’ve been hospitalized because of them until they were diagnosed and are now controlled by, ironically, nitroglycerin tabs. They are considered “medically insignificant,” but the pain they cause is breathtaking to the point where I can’t speak and am almost paralyzed by pain. My husband recognizes the symptoms and can flawlessly find my pills in under a minute, including running down the hallway to the bedroom, coming back, and depositing two of them under my tongue.

Meanwhile, I had cancer in both breasts, but no symptoms.

Go figure.