Too much wit

I outwitted myself. I was trying to tell the world, without being totally depressing, I’ve got some issues with my heart and am not in a good place, physically or emotionally. I’ve had a great deal of surgery, from a double mastectomy less than two years ago, to multiple redesigns of my digestive system, to remodeling of my spine … with varying degrees of success. I’m a mass of scars — literal, not figurative — and now, I seem to need a new mitral valve and who knows what else.

heartAndTest

I don’t feel well and I’m having a hard time being witty, clever, and frankly — right now — writing at all.

So I apologize for trying to set my own issues subtly in a post about A-Rod. No one even noticed what I said I guess. Regardless, I’m having trouble keeping up with this. I’m having trouble breathing. Walking. And given one thing and another, thinking. I’m confused, frightened, and not sure what I am going to do.

For now, I need to drink coffee and see if I can make my brain function. I feel like my head is stuffed with kapok.



Categories: Health, Life, Personal

Tags: , , , , , , ,

16 replies

  1. So sorry to hear this, and so sorry to respond so late! I really, really hope things improve for you and my thoughts are with you πŸ™‚ here’s hoping for a fast recovery!
    (had to post this through Twitter because I get thrown in people’s spam folders if I log in with WordPress!!)

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    • You wound up in my spam folder anyhow. You and Mike Smith, though i think I have finally convinced WordPress he isn’t spam. It took a lot of unspamming. Right now, I am working on denial as a life tool. I’m not ready to deal with this. Not even close. I need a few weeks at least to absorb and process. This was out of the blue and I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. Thanks for thinking of me. I’ll work it out. Or not. One way or the other, something will happen.

      Like

  2. You are on my mind Marilyn ~HUGS~

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  3. All I can get out right now are virtual hugs…wish I could get on a plane and give you a real one.

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  4. I did notice but I am SO bad at trying to be encouraging or sympathising, especially without actually being face to face with the person. I always worry that whatever I say will sound trite or condescending or just plain wrong.
    Please know, however, that I have been following your health story and you ARE in my thoughts, even though I don’t know how to adequately express myself.

    I imagine that if I were going through the same thing I wouldn’t be able to post at all.

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    • This hasn’t been a really great week. Or maybe it’s been the greatest week. I’m just sad and demoralized and wondering if it’s worth fighting on. The irony of an asshole like A-Rod complaining about his bad year was so … striking … is that the word? He’s had a bad year? Talk about clueless. Maybe life will give him a really bad year but I think to this point, he still hasn’t gotten the point.

      I have to keep on doing what I do. If not, I’ll just sit around and feel sorry for myself and that’s a really terrible idea.

      Like

    • draliman, you have said exactly how I feel as well. Marilyn is a friend but I truly can’t find the right words to comfort her. Actually, I don’t even think they exist. All that comes to mind is I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Words do fail me.

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      • Right after I wrote that, our friend Jordon wrote to say his wife is in Hospice. She’s been sick for a long time, but this time, she has lost the fight. Just when I was feeling so sorry for me, I realized there’s a whole lot of shit flying around in the big shitstorm of life. We are all going to get smacked with some. It stinks, but it’s unavoidable.

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  5. I am so sorry to hear about your medical nightmare, and feelings of fear and illness. Poor you. How horrible. My heart goes out to you. I regularly trip down the Path of Desperate Wit myself. It can reassure others; it can cause laughter short term – but, as I know from my own experience, it can also backfire. Broken Clown Syndrome, I call it. Sending healing thoughts. Alienora

    Like

  6. Here’s wishing you speedy recovery.

    Like

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