THE WORST DECISION

Daily Prompt: Let’s Go Crazy

Sometimes, we act on impulse: it could be something as small as ordering that special dessert on the menu, maybe asking out that cute boy or girl, or as large quitting your job and selling everything you own to become a shepherd in New Zealand. What’s the most crazy, outrageously impulsive thing you’ve ever done? If you’ve never succumbed to temptation, dream a little. If you gave yourself permission to go a little crazy, what would you do?

Between good marriages one and three, there was unspeakably awful marriage number two. To say that it seemed like a good idea at the time is not entirely true. I knew from the get-go it was a bad idea. Not only did I think it was, but everyone who knew me thought it was terrible idea, from my mother to my new friends in Israel , to my old friends back in the states. No one said “Follow your heart!” because it was clear whatever I was following, it wasn’t my heart or my brain, but some part rather lower down and significantly less rational.

So why did I marry someone so blatantly unsuitable and mismatched?

  • He spoke English. Never underestimate the power of communication when you are in a foreign land and have no one to talk to
  • I was on the rebound from a divorce
  • We were using lots of drugs
  • Sex
  • Insecurity, loneliness and being a stranger in a strange land.

All the aforementioned combined. Voila. A marriage easily entered into but not so easily escaped. I should have known when his mother took me aside and said “You know, Tony isn’t really stupid. He just seems stupid.” His mother?

He had an evil temper. He didn’t read books. He had no visible means of support. He was courting me while his first wife was dying of cancer (red light flashing, siren going off, why don’t I notice?). The levels of wrongness were too many to count.

very-very-bad-idea

So, how did it work out?

How do you think?

I went crazy and I paid. I paid big, long and hard. There are crazy risks that are fun. Go ahead and buy the lens you want. Take an extra ride on the roller coaster. Learn to sky dive.

Just make sure, before you take a mad plunge, the price you may pay for your wild decision isn’t beyond your means. If your heart and mind are screaming “NO, NO DON’T DO IT” whilst everyone in your life for whom you have an iota of respect agrees with that assessment … don’t do it. Admit you are wrong.

Because in the end, the real reason I went ahead with a marriage I knew was absolutely wrong? I was embarrassed to admit I’d made a mistake.

Ye olde sin of pride. It’ll nail your ass to the wall every time.

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38 thoughts on “THE WORST DECISION

  1. While I’ve done incredibly (of the not fun variety) stupid things, fortunately, I’ve managed not to do something like this.
    On the bright side, you got out and found Garry.

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    • Thing is, I already HAD Garry. But he was an ocean away and we had not yet given a name to what we had. Maybe we both needed one more awful relationship to prove conclusively we should be together. He had his own bad relationship in progress but he had the good sense not to marry her. Tony was always jealous of Garry. He knew something I didn’t.

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  3. Yes we never want to admit we are wrong,that’s what kills us in the end. The beauty of it is you’ve learned when not to take the plunge when your heart and mind and your closest relations tell you it’s a bad idea.This is why we are human we do not want to admit we made a mistake.

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    • This was a bad case of too soon old and too late smart. I lost so much — money, house. Everything except life. There’s a reason why every religion and philosophy has some version of “pride goeth before the fall.” Arrogance — hubris — pride — overrides intelligence, common sense, even the obvious evidence of ones eyes.

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  5. Boy oh boy, this rang some bells in my head, remembering times, one in particular, when sirens and flashing lights were screaming in my brain and I totally ignored them thinking, “Oh, I can fix this/him…” WRONG! I think so many of us have made similar mistakes. So glad you are in loving arms now!

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  9. We’ve all had these “mistake” relationships. I certainly had my share. The test is to learn from our mistakes. I got lucky with Marilyn. And, yes, I’m still learning.

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  11. I agree, it’s way too easy to get yourself into something that’s way too hard to get out of, but the idea of learning from everything, even from the most disasterous moments helps cure the sting. If I got smarter somehow, then it wasn’t completely wasted day(s) of mylife.

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  12. Heh, my second husband was also one of my big mistakes. I call him a manic mistake (I was manic when I agreed to marry him) I feel ya. I didn’t lose as much as you did, but yeah, it cost me a lot. Live and learn, I guess.

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  16. I’ve had similar relationships.
    I had Karma to balance – debts to pay – Vise Versa. It was not all bad, but if I’d known before hand what was coming up …

    “They knew exactly where to hit us.”
    – Spock / The Wrath of Khan

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    • I must have been a serial killer in a former life because I’ve been paying off Karma for a very very long time and apparently am not yet finished. The next life better be a whole lot less stressful.

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