Note: I would like to credit the originator of this Internet joke, but I have no idea from where or by whom it has come. I have tweaked it as I expect others have before me. Whoever, wherever you are, thank you!

UU church door

Bring We In The Sheaves

PASTOR: “Praise the Lord!”

CONGREGATION: “Hallelujah!”

PASTOR: “Will everyone please turn on their tablet, PC, iPad, smart phone, and Kindle Bibles to 1 Corinthians, 13:13. And please switch on your Bluetooth to download the sermon.”

(P-a-u-s-e … )

“Now, Let us pray committing this week into God’s hands. Open your Apps, BBM, Twitter and Facebook, and chat with God”

(S-i-l-e-n-c-e … )

“As we take our Sunday tithes and offerings, please have your credit and debit cards ready. You can log on to the church WiFi using the password Lord-131. The ushers will circulate mobile card swipe machines among the worshipers. Those who prefer to make electronic fund transfers are directed to computers and laptops at the rear of the church. If you want to use your iPad, please open them. Those of you who use telephone banking, you can take out your cell phones to transfer contributions to the church account.”

(The holy atmosphere of the Church becomes truly electrified as the smart phones, iPads, PCs and laptops beep and flicker.)

Closing Announcements and Final Blessing

This week’s ministry cell meetings will be held on the various Facebook group pages where the usual group chatting takes place. Please log in and don’t miss out.

Thursday’s Bible study will be held live on Skype at 19:00 GMT. Please don’t miss out.

You can follow Pastor on Twitter this week #PastorCounsel for counseling and prayer.

God bless and have a great day.

Categories: Humor


6 replies

  1. I recently discovered there are Skype AA/NA meetings – great for people who live miles from anywhere (or who are really really lazy)!


  2. That would have to be the funniest thing I have read in ages – so clever. Thanks so much for sharing.


    • It’s one of those things going around on the internet. I cleaned it up a bit, formatted it, fixed the grammar, but I didn’t originate the piece. Still, I thought it was funny and truer than not.


  3. What’s the joke? I attended a baptist service a few weeks ago at a church where the pastor holds regular Monday morning prayer sessions at 6 AM from his home, and streaming live on the Internet!

    “It’s a new world, Golda!”


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