Do you hold grudges or do you believe in forgive and forget?
Not so simple, folks.
First of all, I absolutely believe in forgiveness, but forgetting? No, not happening. I remember everything. I may not remain angry about it, but I don’t forget, either. I keep an emotional tally. If you’ve betrayed me, lied to me, broken your promises, not been there when I needed you or sometimes, just not been there at all … I do remember. It’s not necessarily a grudge. I can forgive bad behavior, but I’m not stupid enough to let myself get whacked over and over. Once is a “heads up.” Twice gives you an asterisk and a footnote: “Not someone I can depend on.” The footnote is permanent.
Any number of combinations can be extrapolated from this, including:
- I may refuse to forgive or forget — and hold a grudge. I’m not planning revenge, but you aren’t invited to my party.
- I forgive you. I remember everything and won’t trust you where I know you to be untrustworthy. Not holding a grudge, but I am wary.
- I forgive you. I pretend to forget. I love you so much I will let you do what you do because that’s just you and you can’t help it. Every now and again, I’ll get really pissed off about it.
- I forgive you but I remember everything. No grudge — except I never want to see you again. I don’t hate you, but I do want you out of my life. Forever.
I think you get the point. There are lots of permutations based on various combination of forgiving, forgetting (not) and grudge holding.
Forgiveness is not the same as “let’s be pals again.” Damage is damage. A sincere apology helps but I am unlikely to fully trust you after you have hurt me. Most people get a free pass for one hurting. People I adore get two free passes. No one gets a third freebie. At the very least, you’ll get a long, boring lecture from me.
With my moon solidly in Scorpio, forgetting is impossible. Pisces sun? I forgive, but I remember. I don’t plan vengeance, don’t even wish (mostly) ill on people who’ve disappointed or hurt me … but I won’t give them another shot at me either.
As far as I’m concerned, all this means is I learn from the past.