Now that home time machines are readily available, we can all start our days with a trip to another time and place, known to many of us as ELSEWHEN. It’s better than a second cup of coffee! Today started out a day like any other. Coffee. Make sure dogs get biscuits. Wash a few dishes in the sink. Just as I’m finishing up, my new machine blinks on and a vortex (also know as a wormhole) appears in the window. Time to travel!


Setting up the machine is simple because it knows. All I have to do is focus on when, where and how long I want to be elsewhen and the machine does the rest. Radio Shack has come a long way. On the down side, if it glitches, I won’t be able to cash in on my warranty. It gives me pause.

Be aware: it’s dangerous traveling in time with a chemically muddled brain. You can wind up some weird places that are definitely not for tourists.

For those of us who are not particularly agile, you needn’t jump or climb into a vortex. Just stand close to it, then reach out mentally. Cool, huh?

If you are time traveling for the first time, here’s are some tips:

  • Don’t drink, smoke dope (even if you have a prescription!), or take any mind-altering substance before you travel elsewhen.
  • Skip the 14th century. The plague is depressing and you need vaccinations.
  • Wear appropriate clothing. A piece of hand luggage in a natural fiber (like canvas) is a sound investment.
  • Take a camera, extra memory chips and backup batteries.
  • Leave the cell phone home. A ringing cell can have unpleasant consequences.
  • Tell your family and/or friends where (and when) you are going to be away and when you will be back. If you need to be retrieved, it’s important to have backup.
  • Take a friend with you if your machine supports multiple travelers.
  •  Make sure to land on the ground in an open area. Google Earth and history books can be helpful in giving you good visualization capabilities. You don’t want to start your excursion with a broken hip or ankle.
  • Make your first trips close to now until you feel comfortable with the technology.
  • DON’T TRY TO FIX THE PAST. Very bad idea. Really terrible idea.
  • The future is scary. I avoid it and you should too. Whatever happened in the past, stays in the past (unless something went terribly awry). This is not true of the future.

Take lots of notes, pictures and have a blast. Talk to people Don’t worry about language barriers. The machine won’t send you anywhere without giving you appropriate language skills. You won’t remember them when you get home, but they will always be there when you need them.

Time machines don’t last forever, even the most expensive ones. They all have much the same life span as a cell phone … a year or two, max. Make the most of it while you can. Enjoy your travels and welcome to TIMING OUT of life!

It’s the best ride you’ll ever take.


Categories: Fiction, Sci Fi - Fantasy - Time Travel, Technology, Travel

Tags: , , , , , , ,

32 replies

  1. That’s a very useful list of do’s and don’t’s. Just last week while I was supping with Queen Elizabeth I my mobile phone plinged with a reminder. Very against etiquette. It was almost “off with my head”! Very embarrassing.
    I shall make use of your list in future 🙂


  2. I would skip the plague too 🙂 funny post and interesting thought !


    • When I was younger, I probably would have put myself in all the most dangerous places. I had a strong sense of curiosity and no commonsense. Now, I’m a lot more cautious and the idea of lethal disease is very off-putting!


  3. Reblogged this on Kentucky Mountain Girl News and commented:
    KMGN: Marylyn Armstrong is a wonderful writer, fantastic photographer – of course – and this post made me smile from beginning to end. Give her some love and a read. You won’t regret it. I promise.


  4. I think my first trip will be back to yesterday. There was something I forgot to do.


  5. Godspeed, fellow chrono-traveller!


  6. Sounds like a plan!


  7. This was great fun to read.


  8. This is amazing! sounds like a fun book I would defiantly read 🙂


  9. Love this post, so well-written! I can just picture myself going back in time, maybe to meet up with Mr. and Mrs. Armstrong and be a fly on the wall at that lovely wedding. Good times!


    • Endless possibilities. After all, you don’t have to go back centuries. You could rerun yesterday or a few hours ago. Get those pictures you meant to snap 🙂 Oh to own the past and the future!


  10. I will come with you with my Nikon DSLR camera.



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