First up in last night’s doubleheader, I dreamed I urgently needed a shower. Okay, fine, soon as I get up, I promised my unconscious. Sheesh. It’s not that bad … is it?
The next round of REM sleep informed me I couldn’t fit into my jeans. That got me so upset I vowed if it turned out to be true, I would end it all by jumping head first into the bathtub off my shower chair. If that didn’t work, I’d have to get a new pair of jeans.
I tried waking up, then going back to sleep. Maybe it would shake off the dreams … but it didn’t work.
Leaving me feeling grubby with unbearably tight blue jeans. Was worse yet to come?
I decided not to lie around waiting for an answer I might not like. Dragging my reluctant body from the comfortable bed, I went straight for the dresser and pulled out my jeans. Shucking my nightgown, I stepped into them and discovered — oh joy! — they fit perfectly.
I would have done a victory dance, but I first needed to give Greenies to the starving puppies, start the coffee, then hit the shower. Today, I’m going to wear those jeans. At least for a while until I remember if I’m just going to sit around the house, I might as well go for something loose and stretchy.
Vanity and fashion have lost their power over me. Instead, it’s easy-to-launder, resistant to dog hair, and comfortable. Every time. I still think about putting on a bit of make-up, just to prove I can make myself look nice if I try … except I can’t think of a reason why. I’d just have to wash it off later.
Retirement has ruined me.