IF THE JEANS FIT

marilyn selfieNot all bad dreams are nightmares. I have dreams which are bad because they’re too close to reality for psychic comfort.

First up in last night’s doubleheader, I dreamed I urgently needed a shower. Okay, fine, soon as I get up, I promised my unconscious. Sheesh. It’s not that bad … is it?

The next round of REM sleep informed me I couldn’t fit into my jeans. That got me so upset I vowed if it turned out to be true, I would end it all by jumping head first into the bathtub off my shower chair. If that didn’t work, I’d have to get a new pair of jeans.

I tried waking up, then going back to sleep. Maybe it would shake off the dreams … but it didn’t work.

Leaving me feeling grubby with unbearably tight blue jeans. Was worse yet to come?

I decided not to lie around waiting for an answer I might not like. Dragging my reluctant body from the comfortable bed, I went straight for the dresser and pulled out my jeans. Shucking my nightgown, I stepped into them and discovered — oh joy! — they fit perfectly.

I would have done a victory dance, but I first needed to give Greenies to the starving puppies, start the coffee, then hit the shower. Today, I’m going to wear those jeans. At least for a while until I remember if I’m just going to sit around the house, I might as well go for something loose and stretchy.

Vanity and fashion have lost their power over me. Instead, it’s easy-to-launder, resistant to dog hair, and comfortable. Every time. I still think about putting on a bit of make-up, just to prove I can make myself look nice if I try … except I can’t think of a reason why. I’d just have to wash it off later.

Retirement has ruined me.



Categories: Anecdote, Humor, Morning, Photography

Tags: , , , , , ,

23 replies

  1. Glad the jeans fit. My girls get greenies too. 😉

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  2. My Clint Eastwood belt is refusing to hold up my Andy Devine pants.

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  3. Girlfriend, you are lookin’ HOT in that picture. WoooWeeee, you are wearin’ those jeans!

    I spend many, many a day in comfortable, okay-to-get sweaty/muddy/wet attire. I can clean up nice if I want to… but why? It’s the best perk in the world of not having a “real” job. Was always one of my goals. Dress shoes, pantyhose, makeup, coiffed hair… they can all kiss my you-know-whatter as I {{happy dance}} my way through life. Embrace it, Mrs. A. ’tis well deserved. 😉

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    • Thank you 🙂 I don’t even own a pair of REAL dress shoes — not that I could wear them anyhow. And I haven’t had my hair done in more than a year (eek). I bought some fresh makeup. What I had got old waiting for me to use it … so now I have new makeup. Still unopened, but any day now I’ll give it a shot. It’s hard to regret what I never cared for in the first place. So as long as the jeans fit!

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  4. If you’re thinking of offing yourself using your bathtub try the scene in Will Smith’s “Seven Pounds”. he filled his tub full of ice water to preserve his organs until the police and ambulance could get to his home and then hung up and opened a ziplock bag full of deadly box jellyfish and put them in the water he was in. Bingo, a quick death and you get to save a number of people with your donated organs. Now, where do you buy box jellyfish? Don’t worry, they’re for Eric. 🙂

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  5. If the jeans fit wear them! You look great Marilyn. 😀 I can’t look at myself without make up- no lips and no eyes- so it is just part of my getting dressed. !

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  6. I have “pee dreams” When in reality I need to pee like asap, and in my dream I am just frantically searching for the toilet, finding one and not being able to pee… It has happened more times than i can count.

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  7. I’ve have that “you need a shower” dream before, actually several times — I usually really DID need a shower, so would get up and take one, knowing I wouldn’t be able to sleep otherwise.

    Like

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