A COLD DISH

Roaring Laughter — What was the last thing that gave you a real, authentic, tearful, hearty belly laugh? Why was it so funny?


One Sunday, Pastor’s sermon was about forgiveness. About letting go of old anger and resentment and handing that burden to God. At the end of his sermon, he asked the congregation to rise.

“Now,” he said, “Anyone who has an enemy at work, please sit down.” About half the congregation sat. “Will those who are estranged from one or more members of their family please sit.” Many more sat.

steeple light 3Finally, everyone was seated except for one old woman.

“You have no enemies at all? No one is harboring ill will towards you? Or is the object of your anger?” asked Pastor.

“Not a single one,” she answered, nodding her head.

“Please, come up here and tell everyone how you reached such a great age without having enemies,” said Pastor, greatly impressed. As a deacon escorted the elderly matron to the pulpit, everyone applauded.

She slowly made her way up the steps while Pastor adjusted the microphone.

“You must have done a lot of forgiving,” said Pastor. “Please, tell us your secret.”

The old lady smiled beatifically.

“I outlived the bitches,” she said.


Talk about an oldie but a goodie. The horrible truth is, you can forgive until you are blue in the face. You can work at forgetting until you overdose on whatever drugs are supposed to wipe your memory clean of the burning anger you’ve been harboring for years. In the end, nothing can come near the pure, delicious satisfaction of outliving the bitches.

This final story is  from my mother. She told it as an anecdote, a true story, but you are welcome to judge for yourself.


A friend of my mom’s was married for many years to a real bastard. Mean as a junkyard dog and so tight with his money (of which there was quite a bit) that the family lived in poverty while his bank accounts grew. One day the guy up and died of a heart attack.

The next day (Jews believe in rapid burial), there was a funeral. When the widow went up to the casket, she just stood there and looked at it. Nudged to say something, she thought for a long time. And then she said:

Good. Very good. Very, very good.” And that was all.


If you can’t see why that’s funny, I’m afraid I can’t help you.

17 thoughts on “A COLD DISH

  1. Pingback: King Joffrey’s Meme = Roaring Laughter | Understanding and Embracing Diversity

  2. Hi Marilyn,
    The last thing I saw that gave me a good old belly laugh was watching the Japanese web site RocketNews24 where some guy put his pants on without using his hands. He literally danced into his pant. It was a hoot.
    Leslie

    Like

      • That’s the whole point. He starts out in his shorts then he dances over to his pants. He puts one foot in then the other foot in then he bends and dances around until those pants are right up. Unbelievable and a riot to watch.
        Leslie

        Like

  3. Bloody hilarious, both of ’em! Just what I needed: a bit of honest-to-deity-of-own-choice ‘outliving the bitches’ type mentality! xxx

    Like

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