Back to Life – After an especially long and exhausting drive or flight, a grueling week at work, or a mind-numbing exam period — what’s the one thing you do to feel human again?
It’s all the fault of the damned Chrono-Guard. They keep messing around with my life’s timeline. Good grief, how in the world can I be back in school? What malevolent fate has done this to me? I served my time. I even got a damned degree, against all odds.
I’m sure everyone who knew me was betting against me (ha! gotcha that time!), but I graduated in what had to be the world’s most insipid ceremony. I don’t remember who spoke.
It was probably one of our professors. An especially hoary old one who’d been gathering moss for fifty odd years … though with the way Those People are bending time, it could easily have been 250 years. Maybe old Broadus could write so authoritatively about Alexander Hamilton because he used to hang out with him. Maybe he was the one who shot him!
Exams? Again? For the past 40 years — or however many — it’s hard to figure given the confusion about when was when and the non-linearity of the past, I’ve had a repeating nightmare in which I find myself in a classroom, ready to take a final exam. Not only am I stark naked (which no one seems to notice) but I realize I’ve never attended that class and have no idea what subject is being tested. I always wake up sweating and screaming.
Those dreams are not a bad summary of my collegiate experience, minus the nudity, of course. I’m pretty sure if I’d shown up for a final naked, someone would have noticed. The professor at least. They were a horny lot.
I think what I need to feel human again is to convince the Chrono-Guard I do not want to work for them. I do not want to do any more time traveling. Ever. Leave me alone and get out of my head once and for all.
What’s the one thing that would make me feel better?
GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE! Put my life back in order. How will I know when — or if — to send birthday cards if I don’t even know what century I’m living in? Eh? Did you ever consider that, you time whores?
I hate the Chrono-Guard. I really do.