ZOLTAR’S REVENGE: In a reversal of Big, the Tom Hanks classic from the 1980s, your adult self is suddenly locked in the body of a 12-year-old kid. How do you survive your first day back in school?

School my foot. Who’s going to send me to school? The ghosts of my long dead parents? My son? The dogs?


I’ve got all the diplomas I’ll ever need, thank you very much. Just because I get back a young body won’t give anyone proprietary rights over me. I’m an adult with all the privileges (???) thereof. Social Security. Pensions. Senior discounts might be a bit tricky, but hey, I think I could explain this is a very new kind of plastic surgery. I’m pretty sure I could sell that. By 12 I had my full height and I was a smart as I would ever be.

Smarter. We reach our maximum intelligence in our early teens. Seems like a waste, but it isn’t really. That’s when we are collecting the knowledge that will enable us to decide what want to do with the rest of our lives. In this case, I already know. I know what I want and I know how to get there.  I know what to avoid, which may be the most important part. It’s a perfect second life. With all the body parts still working and a foreknowledge of what may come.

So. To the good part. A 12-year-old body you say? Before I broke my back. I get the chance to protect my spine and avoid the big problems I’ve got today. How long do I get to keep it? Permanently works for me.

There are some issues to be worked out. Young, growing bodies have needs. But in my head, I’m old and wily, so I know what to do. I have the body of a youngster, the brain of a senior. Oh joyous best of both worlds! Garry has to be 12 too! This wouldn’t be fun without him.

We will have legs that can run and minds that remember everything. But this time, without dysfunctional parents and all those stupid rules? Zoltar, if this be revenge, how sweet it is.

Bring it ON! I am so ready.

Categories: Humor

Tags: , , , , , ,

27 replies

  1. You haven’t changed much, you know. This photo is really cool.


  2. Those eye glasses are coming back into style! I love it! I thought I was at my “smartest” when I was in my early 30’s. But, then again, somehow I remember thinking how smart I was when I was a teenager too. Now I know better. 😉


    • Those were the hot glasses of 1961. A couple of years after that, it was all granny glasses … which I’ve been wearing ever since. Except for ONE pair of computer glasses I had like that and I couldn’t bring myself to wear them. I was not a happy camper in my early teens and have NO interest in reliving those days … not in fashion or life!


  3. At 12 I was the same height I am now and nearly the same weight. I was 200 lbs. by the age of 10. I was a straight “A” student and had most of my artistic talents already in place. The one thing I was lacking at age 12 was confidence. I was a very shy teen so I had zero social skills. If I could get back that 12 year old body with my extrovert mentality of today life would be very interesting, especially with my excellent memory for dates and stock market trends and knowledge of the future. Mmmm that upstart Microsoft stock looks like a good buy. The biggest return for investment was Tandy Corp., the company that owns Radio Shack. 🙂


  4. “Garry has to be 12 too! This wouldn’t be fun without him.” – I think that’s the best part of the entire post. I wouldn’t have wanted to know my hubby when he was 12, based on things his relatives have told me, even allowing for the older brain in the younger body scenario.


  5. Here here! Ain’t nobody sending this brain to school again. Not happenin’


  6. “We reach our maximum intelligence in our early teens.” That’s a very depressing thought.


    • We reach our maximum TESTABLE IQ in our early teens — but it’s a general, unfocused intelligence, like a sponge waiting to experience water. Later, as we get older, won’t test as high on IQ tests, but we can DO stuff. A lot more than we could as kids. We have skills, we have strategies. We are effective. There don’t seem to be any tests for adult intelligence.


  7. I had a big problem with this one. I could not put myself into a 12 year old body. You dealt with this very well.


    • I wouldn’t mind the body but no one is sending me back to school. Been there. Done that. Paid my tuition and the rest of my dues. Don’t owe anything to anyone. Besides — really — who’s going to make me? I will run VERY fast in the other direction. Any direction!


  8. I’m pretty certain that this happened to Stuart and me… though I think they forgot the youthful body bit when they dished it up 🙂


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