Back when I was very much younger and hornier, there were lots of discussions about The Spot. You know. That critical, yet somehow elusive spot on the female anatomy?

I assumed I knew what everyone was talking even though it never had a name. We never call anything by its proper name because despite there being nothing dirty, offensive, or immoral about using correct names for body parts, we are prissy about sex.


This bashful unwillingness to just say what we mean produces some bizarre communication problems between the sexes. It’s akin to taking a vacation but not being allowed to say the name of the hotel. You can only identify it as The Resort. You are also forbidden to give the street number. It’s “somewhere on Main Street.” Good luck finding your destination.

It’s not only men who can’t find The Spot on wives or girl friends. It’s also persons of the female persuasion who (apparently) can’t find it on themselves.

Say what? A friend of mind commented that even if the finger can’t figure out which does what, the spot itself should immediately contact the brain with the information — DING, DING, DING, THIS IS THE SPOT!

So what’s with all these girls growing up who can’t find it? I’ll bet every little boy in the world knows where his Spot is. He didn’t have to take a seminar. His brain said “Right here!”

More relationships have been destroyed by a woman’s inability to say “A quarter inch to the left, please” than by adultery. The same people who fight, argue, email, text and post online the most intimate details of their lives, are unable to tell a partner that he (she?) is missing The Spot. Oh puleeze.

I thought we got squared away on this 50 years ago. Or more. Apparently not. What are all the people who can’t find The Spot doing in bed?

The time has come for technology to take a hand (no pun intended). We need an app for that. How about one for the iPhone? Grab your phone and like a Geiger counter, it tells you when you’re hot — and when you’re not.

As you zero in, the Hot Spot Finder App says “YOU HAVE REACHED YOUR DESTINATION!” in stentorian tones. The Hallelujah Chorus starts playing.

Everyone uses a mobile phone for everything, so let’s solve this problem once and for all. Please, give us an app for that!

22 thoughts on “A G-SPOT FINDER APP?

  1. Well, this would actually be worth getting a smartphone for! It would be a tremendous help in instances where The Spot tends to relocate often like the magnetic poles… track that puppy with technology!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That’ll cause an appheaval of sorts (again – terrible, terrible but I can’t help it).
    There’s a game called cricket which is passionately followed by about a sixth of the world’s population which is not surprising given that it’s the most popular game in India. The administrators in their infinite wisdom choose to use technology to determine if a player is ‘out’ or not (I will not get into details here) when the on-field umpire is unsure if the ball touched the bat or not before being caught by a fielder. That piece of fact-finding technology is endearingly called ‘Hot Spot’. Not surprisingly, it has been a subject of much debate and contention.

    Liked by 1 person

    • And with some minor modifications, I’m sure it could serve an additional, socially useful purpose. It is, after all, the world’s MOST popular contact sport and since we are now using technology in baseball and cricket, why not in the bedroom? Seems sensible to repurpose technology 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • … Or you could hire, If such a service existed, a licensed “G-Spot Locator”, kind of like a data recovery service. This service would be discreet, and delivered in a plain brown suit to undisclosed addresses. Such a service would, of course, be bound to absolute client, server confidentiality, with a “guaranty of success” clause. It would include the return of any fees paid upon dissatisfaction of service, or failure to produce promised results. However subsequent, and /or, further service would be charged at a reduced rate to returning clients.

        Just an idea…?

        Liked by 2 people

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