WHERE’S MY WIFE?

As we were packing up to come home — really, I wasn’t packing so much as stuffing my belongings into a duffel — I was bummed. At having to come home to reality.

Reality is full of telephone calls. Details. Bills. Thanksgiving is next week, Christmas just a month after. Holidays and gifts mean money. Which is always a problem and inevitably ups my anxiety levels to absurd heights.

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As if the holidays aren’t enough, it’s also “open enrollment” for medical stuff. I need to take a hard look at Garry’s drug plan. And I need to be sure I’m in the best Medicare plan I can afford. I think the Blue Cross PPO I’ve got is as good as is available, especially considering its modest price.

Nonetheless, I need to check. If I find out I missed the boat, I’ll have a year of kicking myself before I can fix it.

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Then there is The Cell Phone. By now, everyone knows how I feel about cell phones. I no longer have one of my own, having had it turned off. Garry and I share one. Mostly, it’s his, but sometimes I use it too.

Which is fine, except it’s an iPhone 4 and more than 2 years old. It didn’t have good audio when it was brand new. Time has not improved either the phone or Garry’s hearing.

I’m looking at Amazon’s Fire phone now that they’ve dropped the price. Both Garry and I have Kindle Fire tablets and like them. We’re happy in the Amazon universe, so it might be a good fit for us … if AT&T won’t flatten us with fees and charges.

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Logically, it should be no big deal, but the way taxes are structured, it will be. I don’t understand people who actually want a new phone every year. I hate the whole process, the expense, learning the new equipment.

What a pain in the butt! Moreover, just to make it worse, Massachusetts requires we pay taxes on the full price of the phone no matter what the actual price. Which right now is 99 cents with a 2-year contract.

Garry’s existing contract with AT&T expires on December 20th, so I have to call. Find out what all of this will really cost. It’ll be 99 cents for the phone, plus a $40 “upgrade fee,” plus taxes. And who knows if the plan we have will be valid with a new phone.

By the time all is said and done, it’ll cost us hundreds of dollars … and Christmas is just around the corner. It makes me want to scream.

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There’s more. Lots more. Doctor appointments. Medication issues. Veterinarian trips. Dental work for Nan.

I need help. I’m overloaded, freaking out, tired. Stressed. I need someone to take care of business so I can relax. I need a go-to person to deal with the loose ends of our lives.

I need a WIFE.

Author: Marilyn Armstrong

Writer, photography, blogger. Previously, technical writer. I am retired and delighted to be so. May I live long and write frequently.

14 thoughts on “WHERE’S MY WIFE?”

    1. Hey, I’ve been wifing my entire life, or so it seems. Since I was 18. It’s my turn 🙂 Someone to cook, make the phone calls, work out all those details and be nice to me when I’m crabby and tired.

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  1. “Murphy’s Law” is still alive and well. There is no good time for things to “happen”. Imagine it’s a week after Christmas and you’ve blown your budget on Christmas stuff. It’s the Midwest and an ice storm moves in with temperatures below zero. Murphy raises his ugly head and kills your home’s furnace so completely the gas inspector padlocks your gas valve in the “off” position. Life has just handed you another curve ball and you must deal with it. That was more than 20 years ago when I still lived in St. Louis. it was the Christmas from Hell that I will always remember. Somehow we survived, we always do. 🙂

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      1. Mrs. A, let’s try to hold onto the good vibes received from time spent with our dear friends (and family). It is GOOD to be home again. It’s us and the furry kids against the world. We make a formidable team. Oh, Mrs A. I LOVE you!

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  2. Maybe this year forgo the gift giving- Frame some of your wonderful photos and give them as gifts….. everyone today seems to have more than enough of what they need, and gifts become just a waste of money many don’t have.

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    1. I did that a few years ago. It turns out to be a LOT less expensive to buy stuff than frame pictures and at least you don’t find your stuff behind the cabinet in the guest room the next time you visit. If you haven’t checked the cost of professional framing lately — or even decent picture frames you do yourself — you have a surprise coming. I have a ton of art that needs framing, but it’s insane and not happening.

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