CRAZED SQUIRREL DEFEATED BY BAVARIAN CREME (FILM AT 11)

The Daily Post offered this prompt today:

Under the Snow — You were caught in an avalanche. To be rescued, you need to make it through the night. What thought(s) would give you the strength to go through such a scary, dangerous situation?

But … Bill Brown at Evil Squirrel’s Nest proffered this juicy idea:

The last thing you see before you wake up in the hospital!

The last thing you saw before you woke up in the hospital!

You’re out on the street one day minding your own business… perhaps humming your favorite Steely Dan song or taking random pictures for a blog post.  All of a sudden, from out of nowhere, a wild, ferocious squirrel starts barreling towards you with a nut in his mouth!!!  What do you do!?!?!?

Seriously, what choice did I have? Squirrel 1, WordPress 0.

The competition was too unfair. WordPress could never compete with this kind of sheer brilliance … so I had to write about crazed squirrel attackers bearing nuts.


Should I run? Try to hide? What thoughts run through my head?

{Thoughts …}

My insurance company is not going to believe this.

My husband is not going to believe this.

I don’t believe this.

This will make a great post on my blog.

Ow. Get your pointy little teeth out of my leg you wretched fur piece. I will turn you into a muff! What do you mean “what’s a muff?”

Thinking quickly (because I do not wish to have my leg chewed off by a squirrel on Boston Common), I reach into a greasy paper bag and hand its contents over to my squirrely nut case: “Here, have a doughnut. Now, isn’t that better than some tasteless acorn?”

Crazed squirrel, calmed by the sudden onrush of calories, fat, and mm Good Bavarian crème drags the doughnut to the nearest tree where, for the next several hours, he attempts to haul it up the trunk to the safety of branches above.

With each attempt, he is forced to consume another bite until eventually, bloated, sated, full of cholesterol, and calories, he lies in a semi stupor on the grass. It’s a well-deserved nap for a valiant squirrel who fought the good fight, but lost to a Bavarian crème doughnut. As so many of us have before and will again.

Good night Sweet Prince.



Categories: Animals, Daily Prompt, Humor, WordPress

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

21 replies

  1. Oh delightful madness! A beautiful, cool Sunday just got better. BTW, my brother got bitten by a squirrel when we were very young. Squirrel had a name – Cutie. One of many that used to frequent the terrace of our cousins. Each of them had a name. Really. Our cousins would point them out to us. Did those cutified rats respond to the names? Not sure but they’d always come scampering over for a meal of millets. Big brother decided to feed them out of his hand and that was the birth of the cute but bloodthirsty vampire rat 😉

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  2. Hilarious, slightly demented thinking in this room.

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  3. Most guys don’t like it when you mess with their nuts, Marilyn. Maybe he’s just being protective? LOL. 😉

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  4. And from that day forward….. no human carrying a doughnut was ever safe walking the streets again!

    This was a wonderfully creative answer!!! Thank you for taking my Saturday Squirrel question to a new level!

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  5. I will never look at a squirrel again with the same feeling. the pilgrim fathers should have settled for squirrels and not turkeys, then life would be safe.

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  6. Reminds me of the rabbit that attacked Jimmy Carter. 🙂

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  7. Sounds like senseless violence worthy of a team report.

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  8. Thank you. Serenity is a nice name, albeit considering my personality, not entirely “me!” 😉

    Like

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