TO CHANGE A LIFE

On my way out the door to the doctor. This is obviously a rerun, but I think it’s appropriate and no time today to do an original. See you all later!!


I had been married about a year. It was probably the thousandth recital of my tale of woe. How I had been beaten, abused, molested, bullied from my earliest memories until my jailbreak at age 17.

That day, my husband looked at me and said: “You’ve told me this before. Often. I hear you. It was bad. Your father belongs in jail. But you don’t live there anymore.It’s time to move on. Let it go. Stop dwelling in the past. Go forward without all that crap hanging all over you.”

the doctor is in

There were a lot of ways I could have answered. I might have gotten angry. I could have pointed out he could take his own advice. But I didn’t. I could have told him it isn’t so easy, letting go of the past, dumping baggage. I didn’t say that, either.

What I said was: “You’re right. I’ll try to do that.”

I did try and eventually, succeeded. I can’t say I never looked back. I looked back plenty. But I never went back into those bad old memories and dwelt there. I never again let those memories dominate me. Getting completely free of all the awful stuff took long years. Half a lifetime and then some. While I worked it out, I didn’t let it control me. It was a piece of advice I needed to hear and heed.

I give to anyone who might need it, the same advice. In the end, no matter how horrible your childhood, no matter how traumatic your life was, unless you want the people who hurt you, molested you, mistreated you, or abused you to rule you, your only choice is to let go and move on.

There is no other way. When you are deep in the morass of painful memories, full of rage and pain at those who hurt you, the suffering you are enduring isn’t hurting them at all. You are hurting only yourself. Haven’t you been hurt enough? Why grant the bad guys power over you? Why would you want to do that?

No one needs to tell me it’s easier said than done. I know that. It wasn’t easy, but I got it done. So can you.

Sometimes, I get to give people who need it, a bit of good advice. That’s my little gift. Maybe I help. Someone, somewhere.


Be the Change – What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?

48 thoughts on “TO CHANGE A LIFE

  1. Pingback: A Silver Quote | In Pursuit of Rainbow

  2. Pingback: Be The Change | In Pursuit of Rainbow

  3. Thanks Marilyn. I wish I could personally meet and congratulate you on this. There is no point taking your bad past. I realize through the experiences that it’s pretty easy to say, ‘Move On.” But now that you have actually done that, hats off. Stay Blessed 🙂

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  4. This is a wonderful piece of advice. To move forward in life the baggage of past should be left alone. Peeping through the baggage is okay sometimes but carrying it around is not. Thank you for sharing this with us.

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    • It’s amazing how much easier life becomes when you aren’t hauling the weight of all the bad stuff that ever happened to you. You don’t even know how heavy it was until you let it go. That was what my whole book was about. It is also, essentially, the entire meaning of the Christian concept of “forgiveness.” In the Christian parlance, you hand over the pain and sadness and anger to God and let HIM take care of it. No matter how you do it, it works. And it improves your life.

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