NO, NO, YES

I love my husband and he loves me. (Music up full.) Do I think he is the only man in the entire world to whom I could have been happily wed?

No.

Do I think that for everyone, there’s just one person who is the morning and evening star? And if you don’t meet him/her, your life will be forever loveless?

No.

25th Anniversary Portrait

25th Anniversary Portrait

Do I think that movies and literature are full of this kind of nonsense? Do I think a lot of teenagers believe it because it is the stuff of poetry and romance novels?

Yes.

I believe in love. I am happy with my man and my marriage. I also believe that if we march into our lives assuming there is but one human being anywhere on earth who could ever be “right” for us, we are off on a narrow and precarious path. Perhaps taking a slightly broader view of our future would be better.

Just saying.

41 thoughts on “NO, NO, YES

  1. I’ve been married three times in my life. All were special and helped me grow as a human being. “Man is not meant to go through life alone”. It took a very long time to learn to be content living alone. I have so much to share it just bubbles over at times.

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  2. This must be my “rebellion” day, since I disagree with every thing today -so it seems-. Maybe I should go just back to bed and wake up cheerful on Tuesday :-).

    I think we meet many soul mates in our life and not all of them are the ones that we marry. I think friends can be soul mates and sometimes, when we are lucky we marry our best friend (like you and me). That doesn’t sound right~!

    Liked by 1 person

    • If you define soul mate that way, sure. If you include all your close, long-term relationships in the big basket of soul mates, then okie dokie. You, Tweedledum, and Tweedledee — “A word means what I say it does.” It worked in Wonderland, so why not here?

      Liked by 1 person

        • In the dictionary, it is “soul mate (noun) A person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner.” In popular mythology, it’s the one person on earth who can complete you, the person designated to be your eternal partner. I hate those kinds of definitions because that’s not life, at least not MY life. Probably not yours, either.

          Life is not simple. The odds of one person being the perfect fit for anyone for an entire lifetime presupposes that either these two people never change from who they were when they first connect, or that they are in perfect sync. Both highly unlikely.

          I KNEW I shouldn’t respond to this prompt.

          I am a pragmatist. I don’t believe in perfection. Not perfect mates, not perfect jobs, not perfect anything. I don’t believe in myths. I believe that if we are to survive, we need to adapt and change. We need flexibility and agility. It is as important to know when to let go as when to grab on.

          Today was the fifth anniversary of losing both breasts to cancer. Since I have no symptoms that point to a return of cancer, I’m assuming I don’t have cancer. My heart may be failing, or something else may be wrong, but I don’t think I have a malignancy. So probably it’s the wrong day to talk to me about soul-mates. I’m just trying to live another year.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Perfect scares me. I was always glad when our new cars finally had the first scratch or the first dent. From that moment on it was just a “normal” vehicle.

            I am not perfect, neither is my husband, but we are perfect together, like you and Garry.

            You beat cancer….that’s a reason for celebration my friend. Cancer does not define us.

            I loved your response, especially the pic.

            Liked by 1 person

            • I hate these oncology follow ups. I also hate the cardiology and regular medical checkups. I don’t even know what “fine” means anymore. As far as I can tell, all it means is I’m still alive, against all odds. It’s the time of year when i have to go to all my doctors and I just hate it. And we really need rain.

              Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m not completely convinced that “true love” (in the Disney sense) really exists. Having said that, the nature of love changes, I believe, as we get older. When we are young and met that special someone, our passion is overwhelming. Certainly the depth of my emotion changed between my first and second marriage…Hmmmm perhaps that tells me something?

    Great article, as always, and congrats on your 25 years of togetherness! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s why I always suggest that friendship is a better foundation for a long term relationship than passion. Passion ebbs and flows with time, health, work, other obligations. Friendship, not so much. Before Garry and I were husband and wife, we had been friends for more than 25 years. It has served us very well. I don’t think we would have survived without it.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Ah, such a tough subject. We’ve all experienced that one “true love” that causes heart palpitations, sleepless nights, loss of appetite – and how many of those true loves have lasted? How many of us then “settled” for the person who shared our thoughts, our dreams – the person who could finish a sentence we started, the person who was “there” no matter what, the person would could annoy the heck out of us but then turn around and take away the pain of the world. And how many of us are still with that person?

    When I was a young girl, my mother told me that the type of passion found in romance novels was wonderful if it existed, but that it was usually short-lived, and that in order for a relationship to really work, you have to be friends with the other person first.

    My mother was right. As usual.

    Liked by 1 person

    • yep, i cant agree more. Sometimes the man (or woman) who lights all the lights and invades your dreams at night, for whatever reason disappears. And you marry, anyway, the reality being you do NOT want to be the daughter who Stayed Home, or the son who ends up lifting weights in Mom’s garage for the rest of his life, and sometimes the person you ‘settled for” turns out to be less spectacular, but exactly right. If you’re honest about it.

      Even if you wonder, now and then. Just a little.

      Liked by 1 person

      • And sometimes, the perfect relationship doesn’t last. And you have to choose between being permanently alone or finding a new relationship … maybe not made by “the stars” but made by you and your partner working together to make a good life.

        Life is uncertain. No one is immune to the bad stuff. Learning to live in an imperfect world IS living.

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      • I can honestly say that I’ve never wondered, even a little. My first true love was a jerk, as I found out after we broke up. My current husband, while annoying at times, is my best friend and the one person in the world that I can count on unconditionally.

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  5. I think I’m still young but I kinda get what you mean 🙂 I sometimes wonder if there’s really just one person for you, or you just meet a special someone and decide (whether deliberately or not) to stay together 🙂 Thanks for this! It gives me a lot to think about 🙂

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  6. I’ve had 7 partners in the lifetime. Pretty well every time I figured: “This is it!” I was wrong.
    I don’t want to be alone – though I suppose that’s right for somebody?
    I hope Rose and I will stick together till the end.

    Like

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