I was delighted when Ellin offered to write some pieces for Serendipity. Good friend, passionate animal advocate, gourmet cook … a women who has done a lot of living and has made the best lemonade out of life’s lemons.
CHANGING THE PAST
by Ellin Curley
I’ve always been fascinated by the concept of time travel. I’m particularly fond of the fantasy of going back in time, knowing what you know now, and changing some pivotal moment in your past. I used to wish fervently for this fantasy to become a reality so I could undo some of my Top 10 “mistakes” and bad judgement calls. Many of those involved my first husband – like deciding to marry him and deciding — multiple times — to stay with him when reason told me I should leave.
I’m a logical person. The problem with this fantasy is I would have to accept the drastic changes in my personal time line which would inevitably flow from new and improved life choices.
The biggest and most obvious change is obvious: if I didn’t marry my ex, I wouldn’t have my children. I can’t imagine life without them, so, scratch that option.
If I leave him after I have my kids, life still changes so dramatically the odds of my ever meeting my current husband are virtually nil. I’m not prepared to give him up. He’s the best piece of luck I ever had, the best decision I ever made.
What this adds up to? I seem to have reached a point in my life I never thought I would achieve: at peace. Knowing all the crap I went through led me to where I am now. Made me into who I am.
My husband and I often talk about how, without the angst in our past, we wouldn’t have appreciated each other when we did meet. We’re pretty sure we wouldn’t have gotten along nearly as well without having had to pass through the sturm-und-drang of our first marriages.
It turns out I don’t really wish my past would go away. Not anymore. I wouldn’t have minded it being a bit easier, leaving fewer scars. Even so, I’m content with where I am and who I’ve become. Whatever the price I paid, it was worth it.
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Categories: Anecdote, Guest Blogger, Humor, Personal, Sci Fi - Fantasy - Time Travel
SERENDIPITY: SEEKING INTELLIGENT LIFE ON EARTH 
Welcome Ellin, nice to have you here on serendipity. I’m sure you are going to add some meaning to this wonderful and lively page. Hard times followed by good time teach us to appreciate and value the latter.
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uh-oh, I am no longer the “new kid” on the block. Welcome Ellin.
My approach to current friendships is tempered by a stormy relationship in the past. My best friend(straight guy living elsewhere) and I work out any conflicts calmly. I thank the past for that.
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You know, I was looking at profiles and realized you’ve been part of Serendipity for more than two years. Time flies, eh?
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yes, time flies. I should rerun the first story some day soon
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You know, I don’t even remember what it was … or what was going on in the world. Time really HAS flown. Whoosh.
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It was “A Christmas Surprise,” a sort of accidental coming out story and I am not sure I have done anything as good since.
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Oh, right. That was a very good piece. You definitely should rerun it. If I don’t remember, I’m sure everyone will enjoy reading it again too. And Christmas is a’coming.
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Some of us need a few tries before we get it right 🙂 But you DID get it right.
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Thank you! You know Tom so you know how truly lucky I am and how “right” I finally got it!
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Ellin, where you are now is just FINE. I’m so happy you’re in our very small circle of good friends. You’ll do!
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When you’ve gone through a lot, you bond more deeply with others who have gone through a lot too. Our friendship has that deep bond.
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I suppose there is a reason for everything but it is so hard to go through the bad times – but then you appreciate the good times that much more.
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My husband and I appreciate each other so much more because of the difficult first marriages we both had. We also appreciate the calm and ease and mutual respect we have together that might have seemed “boring” when we were young and inexperienced.
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Maybe it’s a bit like fine silver. You don’t get the shine without a lot of that nasty polishing.
Leslie
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Good analogy. Except that I gave away all my Mother’s real silver because I didn’t want to be bothered with the polishing. I guess I do the hard polishing in my life, not on my cutlery!
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If you want to shine you’ll have to do the work.
Leslie
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Call it what you will I believe we go through everything in our life for a reason. Just imagine if you will that every single life is unique and different but at the same time we all interact in one way or another. It’s the “Butterfly Effect, another fascinating realm.
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The “Butterfly Effect” fascinates me too. Check out a movie with Gwenith Paltrow called “Sliding Doors” – it explores a woman’s life if she just catches a subway train and then again if she just misses the train. The Broadway play, “If, Then” with Idina Menzel also takes a woman’s life down two different paths, one if she meets friend A for lunch and the other if she goes with Friend B on a particular day. Everything effects everything!
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well said Ellin, with maturity comes wisdom, glad you are enjoying your ‘NOW’
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The interesting question for me is whether I would enjoy my “now” as much if I had not gotten here via a very bumpy road. Do people who get their “happily ever after” earlier in life really appreciate it as much as the people who have to struggle to find it?
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Hi Ellin, No I do not think they do. You can’t truly appreciate the good until you have been through the bad
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Garry and I have this conversation a lot. What if he had asked me to marry him before I went to Israel? He thinks it wouldn’t have worked because he wasn’t ready, even if I was. Because we’ve known each other for so very long, it’s kind of interesting. He was so heavily career-oriented, I don’t think he was ready to give enough time and attention to a relationship. But I would have said yes 🙂
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