You can run, but you cannot hide.

Let me rephrase that. I can’t run … nor can I hide.

medicine wheel 8

Every year, like a particularly annoying alarm clock, they come around. Annual visits to the oncologist and cardiologist. And my birthday, the rosy bloom of which is greatly diminished as it falls right in the middle of the medical runaround. Such fun!

Needles. Laboratories. Tests. Waiting to get the doctor’s read on life and death. What’s the prognosis, doc? Am I gonna make it for another year?

blood evidenceMy mother hated these sessions. She would watch the doctor’s eyes, trying to read in them what he was not saying. When he said “You’re okay,” did he mean it? Was he hiding the truth?

I’m less paranoid than my mother — from whom they actually did hide the truth. It was a different time and it was still legal for doctors to lie “in your best interests.” I’m more worried about what they may be missing than anything they could be hiding. I’ve been misdiagnosed or not diagnosed often. It’s hard for me to feel secure that they’ve gotten it right.

Tests test what they test. Which isn’t necessarily what’s wrong with me (or you). We can pass every test with flags flying, yet still have something most unfortunate going on. Somewhere. In an organ they didn’t test. Or signaled by a wee little symptom they labeled “insignificant.”

So. This morning it starts. Take some blood. Good luck with that. I frequently don’t have a live vein in my body. I always hold my breath until I see the blood actually flowing into the tube.insane doctor cartoon

“You’ve hit a gusher!” I gush. Sometimes, nothing happens. Then, it’s a duster, a dry hole. Some days, there’s no vein into which anyone can get a needle … or get blood out of. Let’s hope this is not one of them.

Inevitable. I can’t wriggle out of the testing cycle. I would if I could. So, for the next few days, it’s me, a lab, an office, and one more test. Until finally, it’s over for another year. Hopefully.

I shall see you all on the other side. Or, as we say here in America, next week.

Categories: #Health, Daily Prompt, Humor

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17 replies

  1. My doctor appointments seem to converge in March as well. I have two on the calendar for this month, and would have a third had I not dilly dallied around in scheduling it so it’s now in April. I used to go entire years without seeing any doctor, but I’m now entering that scary place known as old age!


    • I don’t make appointments in the winter because most of the time, we don’t get there. Snow. Cold. Ice. And a bad case of “leave me alone, I’ll emerge in the spring!” So we’ve got appointments from now through April … but with a little luck, it’ll be over for the year after that. Barring the unforeseen.

      Let’s hear it for a healthy year ahead. Because given that this is going to be a grueling political year, we will need our strength.


  2. I, too, have said many times that I don’t have blood in my veins. Over the years, I’ve learned to drink a galloon of water before blood tests — water doesn’t dilute the test results, and it makes the blood flow a little more easily!


  3. Looking forward to next week too.


  4. Good luck with it all Marilyn


  5. Good luck, Marilyn. I hope they hit a gusher the first time!


  6. Me too. When a doctor moves behind me (oh the memory of childhood dirty tricks in the Dr.’s office) I suddenly become very alert, waiting for the surprise shot…some memories die hard.

    What saddens me is when you go to a doctor with a funny twinge or tic or ‘event’ and ask, and he either blows it off or misdiagnoses it completely. Do men go through this? Are their questions given more weight because…?

    Good luck with the tests, and let us hope they all are a total waste of time this time around–


  7. I enjoyed the sentence “tests test what they test”, not least because it’s something I understand!


    • Originally, I heard it as “IQ tests what they test … which is not necessarily intelligence.” But I think it applies to most tests. We treat test results like the word of god, but they aren’t.


  8. Hilarious cartoon. Sad truth. (In the writing, now the cartoon.)


  9. Just had a chuckle at the cartoon, although we often do not see the joke in real life. Happy blood testing and my your results be a good birthday present. I know it is March, but I now have a super Mark 6 iPhone and will not the date (sort of 10th or 12th????). I should test my own blood three times a day for the sugar content, but usually do it once a month and I survive. My last book of records for diabetes was sprinkled with red dots and smears, so I decided to keep a clean book and test less. The tabs cost enough for one test – about half a swiss franc. We will see each other around, if only virtual.


  10. I like the eye guy. He’s clearly focused.


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