GAME OVER

TRANSCRIPT | THE DAILY POST DISCOVER CHALLENGE


Reality is analog. All of it. These days, people seem a bit confused about what is real (analog) and what is unreal (virtual and/or digital). I’m here to help.

Have you ever gotten a digital haircut? How about digital surgery? While I did have surgery to implant a digital device to remind my heart to beat and my husband wears digital hearing aids, most of real life is deeply, substantively, painfully, gloriously analog.

realitychangedmylifeFor the past week, I have been having a recurring non-digital, significantly analog experience: I am giving myself a haircut. This involves a real pair of sharp, stainless steel hair shears and a lot of snipping of my real hair with those analog scissors. This is a process in which it is important to know if you analogically slip a snip, you cannot hit “undo” and replace a clump of hair. So you do it slowly, in stages. A clip or two at a time. No computers or other devices involved. Just … little analogic bits of hair falling gently and not virtually or digitally into your sink and down your neck.

If you are having trouble distinguishing the difference between analogical reality and virtual reality, here are some guidelines:

  • If it makes you bleed, it’s analog.
  • If it hurts, it’s analog.
  • If it goes away when you turn off the device, it’s digital — and probably virtual.
  • If you can fix it by reloading or hitting “undo”? Digital, virtual. Not real.
  • If it looks like something out of Mordor and has scales, fangs, weird horns and is speaking in a strange tongue? It’s probably virtual but it also might be drug-related. Please check to see if you have been smoking or drinking (or both) before making assumptions. However, if it bites you with its fangs and removes a piece of you? And this event is followed by bleeding and pain? Toss the goggles and run. That is reality. Biting you.

orc-from-mordor

Here’s the clincher: If you are doing something virtual while doing something analog, for example texting while driving? You may encounter the ultimate analog experience. Death. Game over.

26 thoughts on “GAME OVER

  1. angloswiss January 11, 2017 / 2:25 am

    I do digital in Facebook as the stuff that so-called adults like to share can be very amusing. Nothing more is private in some people’s lives. Otherwise I do not attack my hair digitally but visit my hairdresser in town, who also happens to be a personal friend and neighbour. Am looking forward to seeing the results of you analogue hair attack.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Marilyn Armstrong January 11, 2017 / 12:47 pm

      I have gotten some really terrible haircuts from hairdressers who think they know what I want better than I know myself. They don’t. Before I have a chance to scream NOOOOO and run for the hills, they’ve scalped me. It can take years to get it right again. So now, unless I can get my granddaughter to do it, I carefully snip little bits off until it’s more or less even.

      I’m not going for high fashion. I just want it somewhere between chin and shoulder, all one length. This shouldn’t be such a hard thing to achieve, but hairdressers want to be creative, whereas I want them to give me the haircut I asked for. Doing it myself gets me what I want. It merely takes a long time to get it right … and by the time I’m done, it’s time to start over 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • swo8 January 11, 2017 / 1:36 pm

        I cut my own hair every week. I got fed up with the awful job the hairdresser was doing, then they had the nerve to charge an arm and a leg for it.
        Leslie

        Like

        • Marilyn Armstrong January 11, 2017 / 5:43 pm

          Yup. That’s how I got to doing it. And I’m definitely happier with the results. I was surprised to learn how many famous people cut their own hair. A lot of actresses, because they got one bad haircut too many and figured they couldn’t do worse.

          Liked by 1 person

      • angloswiss January 11, 2017 / 2:29 pm

        I am lucky knowing my hairdresser personally and she always gets it right. She is a hairdresser in a million and I really treasure her.

        Like

    • Marilyn Armstrong January 11, 2017 / 5:52 am

      Thanks. This was fun to write. It sort of dropped out of the sky into my brain and hence into the keyboard 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • Garry Armstrong January 11, 2017 / 12:04 pm

        Reality sounds like a new r/x, complete with side effects. After 4 hours……

        Liked by 1 person

        • Marilyn Armstrong January 11, 2017 / 12:48 pm

          Check with your doctor to make sure your heart is strong enough to cope with reality. You can always go back to Fantasy Island if reality is overwhelming.

          Like

  2. draliman January 11, 2017 / 3:06 am

    If I can’t hit CTRL-Z on a DIY haircut mishap I’ll stick to visiting the barber.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Marilyn Armstrong January 11, 2017 / 5:59 am

      I have often wish I could ALT-CTRL-DELETE and remove the local haircutter. Whatever evil I have wrought unto my hair, they have wrought worse!

      Liked by 2 people

      • draliman January 13, 2017 / 9:14 am

        Everyone lives in fear of getting the BHOD (Blue Hair of Death).

        Like

    • Garry Armstrong January 11, 2017 / 12:05 pm

      My surviving hair has been declared an endangered species.

      Liked by 1 person

        • Marilyn Armstrong January 13, 2017 / 9:28 am

          Yes, I remember when my hairdresser of 20 years retired. I was in mourning. I actually haven’t “bonded” with anyone since. I knew I was safe in his hands and scissors. Since then, terrible things have been done to me. Terrible. Frightening. Things that had me afraid to look in a mirror because I could see something that that almost resembled me …

          Liked by 2 people

        • Garry Armstrong January 13, 2017 / 11:04 am

          Dral, I used to wash my hair EVERY day and plaster it with Vitalis. One day, the current boss asked me why my hair looked like it was ready for a movie closeup. I dismissed his suggestion that I go a bit easier on my coif. What did he know? Hell, I knew EVERYTHING!! Now, I don’t know anything and my hair has paid the price of my stupidity.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. evilsquirrel13 January 11, 2017 / 10:02 am

    CTRL-Z is the main reason I prefer creating digital art to analog art. My left hand pretty much stays at the bottom left corner of my keyboard at all times when I’m in Paint or Photoshop…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Marilyn Armstrong January 11, 2017 / 12:50 pm

      I’m also very strongly right-handed. It was the ultimate destroyer of my musical career … that and a lack of sufficient skill and talent.

      Like

  4. judyt54 January 12, 2017 / 7:22 am

    oh this is funny and so real analog. I have cut my own hair (or not cut it, depending on the mood of the moment) for nearly 60 years. yikes.
    My last beauty shop haircut was when I was eleven and my mother, always a follower of fashion (she wore Mamie Eisenhower bangs for years and shouldn’t have) decided it would be cute if I got what was called a ‘pixie’ hair cut. Otherwise known as a DA. On Leslie Caron it looked good. On me, with a long face and what we called the Baker jaw, it looked ridiculous. After that, I cut my own.

    I like short hair because it’s wash and go, but hard to keep up with the trimming, especially in the back. I like long hair, especially in the summer because I can tie it out of the way.

    I do envy you that lovely cloud of hair, however. Mine won’t do that. sigh. And yeah, Gary does seem to have held up well, the hair he’s got suits the face he’s got, if that makes any sense at all…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Garry Armstrong January 12, 2017 / 1:31 pm

      Thanks, Judy. You’re very kind.

      Like

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