ONE COLD DAY. A ZIPPER. GLOVES.

It was really cold today. Really. Cold. Bitterly, freezing cold. And windy, too. The big oak trees were rocking from the wind and huge puffs of snow were flying off the roof, almost like sand. There wasn’t a lot of snow left from the other day, but anything that was left wasn’t going to do any melting today.

It was my birthday and we were going to dinner with my son and his friend Dave. A simple dinner at a simple place, but it was definitely cold out there. So, for the first time this year, I put on my big, black, deep winter coat that I bought from Land’s End at the beginning of the winter. I put on my Uggs and my gloves and my woolly hat. Then I took off my gloves and spent 20 minutes trying to get the zipper on the coat where it belonged.

A DIGRESSION

They make cell phones which can rule the world. Computers that can rule the cell phones.

Why can’t they make a zipper that works? Seriously. To get this coat in place, you have to first pull the zipper to the top of the coat. Then, you have to pull the zipper up from the bottom so you can move. Otherwise, it’s like I’m wearing a tube and I won’t be able to sit in the car.

Except my coat is black. And I’m not that thin, either.

The fabric alongside the zipper always gets in the way of the pull, so you have to do this complicated thing and push the fabric away from the zipper. Then you can move the zipper up so you can sit in the car.

After which, I put the gloves back on my hands and out we went to dinner.

DIGRESSION COMPLETE

We got to the little restaurant a bit early. We are always early. We used to be late, but these days, we are at least 10 minutes early pretty much every time. This was one of those times. No big deal. I took off my gloves and went about trying to get the coat unzipped that I had so recently zipped. This was not as easy as it should be, but I managed to get the job done in under 10 minutes — a record, I believe.

I put my hat in the pocket of my coat. I then looked for my gloves, but they were gone.

How could they be gone? We hadn’t left the table. We looked on the table, under the table. In my pockets, in my sleeves. Then I did it all again. And again. And finally, one last time. At which point, the other guests had arrived. I was still trying to figure out what happened to my gloves.

We talked, we ate, and finally, it was time to go home. No gloves. And I simply could not bring myself to go through the whole zipper thing again, so I just wrapped myself in the coat and we went home. Sans gloves.

I was in the bedroom getting into something comfortable — otherwise known as my pajamas — when Garry announced the solution to the problem.

He had my gloves. I had put them on the table. They look exactly like his gloves so without thinking, he took them and put them in his pocket. With his gloves. He returned them. I was just glad to get them back because they are my last gloves, all the rest having vanished somewhere, sometime, somehow.

A FINAL DIGRESSION

Surely with ALL the technology in this world, someone knows how to make a zipper that will run smoothly up and down its tracks.

Why can’t they make zippers that work properly? Is that too much to ask?



Categories: Humor, Personal, Photography

Tags: , , , , ,

27 replies

  1. Incredible isn’t it??? You’re right. You’d think that would be foolproof by now.
    I call all this stuff Retro Tech – stuff that is more complicated, takes longer …
    Brother RIchard has a satellite TV. He has 3 clickers with over 50 buttons on each. If you can figure how to turn it on, you still don’t know how to operate it. That’s going backwards in my book.

    Like

  2. Why did I read this all the way through? What do I care whether or not you can zip your coat or find your gloves? Simple. Because it’s you. have I said before how much I enjoy your writing? The only one who can come close is Garry. And I’m starting to believe you are one and the same person! 🙂

    Like

    • We can write for each other if we have to, but Garry does have a different “touch” than I do. He’s more sentimental and sensitive than me and he is less of a head-banger than I am. But it depends. If he is in “news mode,” he writes differently.

      But, yeah, we can overlap and sometimes do — if his piece needs to be finished and he’s too busy … and vice versa. I think that happens in a lot of multi-writer households. Probably has to do with knowing how your mate thinks.

      Like

      • Probably! In our household Lynn is a much better writer than me. She had a blog that was just for family and we all said she should write more. But she thinks no one outside the family would be interested in her stories!

        Like

  3. What works with us is – I do Peter’s zipper and he does mine. Sometimes, with those long ones, they get misaligned.
    Leslie

    Like

  4. Happy Birthday to you Marilyn!! I hear ya with the zipper- drives me crazy!! I usually take my gloves off in the car and put them on my lap, which usually leads to me getting out of the car forgetting they are on my lap and them landing on the ground- sometimes I see them and pick them up, other times I retrieve them on the way back to the car. Sometimes they are gone gone gone

    Like

    • I used to buy expensive gloves. I do not do that. I buy the least expensive driving gloves I can get and buy maybe three pair at a time — three for me, three for Garry — and when finally, they are ALL gone, it’s time to do it again.

      I’m so annoyed with the coat, I’m not even going to try to wear it again unless we really do have Snowmageddon on Tuesday. Your forecast sounds even worse than ours!

      Like

  5. The gloves, the zippers….this just so made me laugh. Hope dinner was good! Remember when YKK was considered the ‘good’ zipper that would always work properly?

    Like

    • With each generation, there’s a new zipper that is going to fix everything, But surprisingly, they are just zippers. The nylon ones run smoothly, but break quickly. The metal ones last forever … if you can convince them to work at all. I’m waiting for technology to improve clothing 🙂

      Dinner was great!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Didn’t you guys invent velcro about a zillion years ago? What happened to that? 🙂

    If it can zip up a spacesuit it can zip up a winter coat surely?

    love

    Like

    • Velcro works. The problem with it is that it works on velcro and it works on hair. It works on all KINDS of things. You’d be astonished at the amount of damage some velcro can do to a small girl’s — or older woman’s — hair. If they could make it so it ONLY attached to other parts of velcro, that would be great. Until then, we’re still stuck with zippers and buttons. I prefer, overall, buttons. Old fashioned, but mostly, they work. Mostly.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. But I am sure you had a wonderful evening. The only gloves I have are the paperthin surgical gloves for surgical work. I know the zip curse so well, but my problem is joining the two sides at the bottom. Your jacket is similar to my black winter jacket but perhaps mine is not so narrow. Th advantage of the zip is that where it meets at the top, I can hang my walking stick when holding my camera with both hands.

    Like

    • Joining it at the bottom was only the FIRST problem. Then, it was getting it up to the top without it bunching up somewhere. THEN I had to pull the bottom part up because you can’t move in a long zippered coat … and I will never understand why they make them like that. And of course, I had to also get the top down and get the middle down too. Which is why I didn’t bother to zip it at all coming home, Too much like work. It’s those metal zippers they use. If they used nylon, they might work better.

      Mine wasn’t so narrow. I just got wider.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I so agree with you! Every item that was bought for the kids for Christmas, their onesies in particular, but their new sweaters, jackets and coats, NOT ONE item had a working zipper! They slid off track, the top didn’t line up, or the bottom broke. Talk about frustrating! I was never great at putting in plastic zippers, but I did it! and they worked! Those were the days, my friend, those were the days!

    Liked by 1 person

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