It was really cold today. Really. Cold. Bitterly, freezing cold. And windy, too. The big oak trees were rocking from the wind and huge puffs of snow were flying off the roof, almost like sand. There wasn’t a lot of snow left from the other day, but anything that was left wasn’t going to do any melting today.

It was my birthday and we were going to dinner with my son and his friend Dave. A simple dinner at a simple place, but it was definitely cold out there. So, for the first time this year, I put on my big, black, deep winter coat that I bought from Land’s End at the beginning of the winter. I put on my Uggs and my gloves and my woolly hat. Then I took off my gloves and spent 20 minutes trying to get the zipper on the coat where it belonged.

A DIGRESSION

They make cell phones which can rule the world. Computers that can rule the cell phones.

Why can’t they make a zipper that works? Seriously. To get this coat in place, you have to first pull the zipper to the top of the coat. Then, you have to pull the zipper up from the bottom so you can move. Otherwise, it’s like I’m wearing a tube and I won’t be able to sit in the car.

Except my coat is black. And I’m not that thin, either.

The fabric alongside the zipper always gets in the way of the pull, so you have to do this complicated thing and push the fabric away from the zipper. Then you can move the zipper up so you can sit in the car.

After which, I put the gloves back on my hands and out we went to dinner.

DIGRESSION COMPLETE

We got to the little restaurant a bit early. We are always early. We used to be late, but these days, we are at least 10 minutes early pretty much every time. This was one of those times. No big deal. I took off my gloves and went about trying to get the coat unzipped that I had so recently zipped. This was not as easy as it should be, but I managed to get the job done in under 10 minutes — a record, I believe.

I put my hat in the pocket of my coat. I then looked for my gloves, but they were gone.

How could they be gone? We hadn’t left the table. We looked on the table, under the table. In my pockets, in my sleeves. Then I did it all again. And again. And finally, one last time. At which point, the other guests had arrived. I was still trying to figure out what happened to my gloves.

We talked, we ate, and finally, it was time to go home. No gloves. And I simply could not bring myself to go through the whole zipper thing again, so I just wrapped myself in the coat and we went home. Sans gloves.

I was in the bedroom getting into something comfortable — otherwise known as my pajamas — when Garry announced the solution to the problem.

He had my gloves. I had put them on the table. They look exactly like his gloves so without thinking, he took them and put them in his pocket. With his gloves. He returned them. I was just glad to get them back because they are my last gloves, all the rest having vanished somewhere, sometime, somehow.

A FINAL DIGRESSION

Surely with ALL the technology in this world, someone knows how to make a zipper that will run smoothly up and down its tracks.

Why can’t they make zippers that work properly? Is that too much to ask?

Categories: #Photography, Humor, Personal

Tags: Birthday, Clothing, humor, Personal, zippers