REALITY SWAP! – BY TOM CURLEY

I figured it out!

The solution!

To reality!

This reality!

This reality TV reality!

The problem is not so much that we are living in a reality TV reality. The problem is that we’re living in a REALLY BAD reality TV reality. Face it, it’s just not working folks.

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Do you know what does work? Fictional TV reality! Think about it. There’s a show on TV today called “Designated Survivor.” In it, the whole U.S. government is blown up during a State of the Union Address.  The Executive Branch, the Congress, the Supreme Court, all gone. The one cabinet member that has to stay home becomes the President. He has to rebuild the entire government from the ground up. And while he’s doing that, there’s a mysterious cabal,  the ones responsible  for blowing everybody up, that’s also trying to take over the country. In spite of all that, their government and their President are doing a hell of a lot better job than ours!

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So here’s what we do.  Let’s just switch realities! It’s a win-win for everybody. How do we do this? Simple.

First: The current administration leaves the government and instead, goes on real TV 24 hours a day. On Fox News. They all go to work on sets that look just like Washington, D.C.  They do the exact same things they do now. It will be just like on  “Big Brother”. Only bigger. And on Fox News.

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They can pass laws, write executive orders, cancel health insurance for the whole nation, eliminate “Meals On Wheels” or just kick puppies. Whatever they want! Trump supporters won’t be upset because they only watch Fox News. As far as they’ll be concerned, everything is normal.

It just isn’t real.

“And it’s only on Fox.”

Second: OK, great you say. But what about real reality? Who’s going to be the real President? The real cabinet? Here’s who. Real honest to God fictional ones.

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And the cool part is, we have a lot of options. We have lots of choices for President.

We could have Jeb Bartlett. He was a great President. Don’t believe me? Watch “The West Wing.”

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We’ve got Dennis Haysbert. I’m pretty sure he was President twice.

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We’ve got Morgan Freeman. Not only was he President, but he was also God!

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And the list goes on. Michael Douglas, Kevin Kline, Jack Nicholson, Peter Sellers … (Oh, for God’s sake, Google the rest.) You get my point.

Now, appointing a cabinet becomes fun!

Secretary of State? How about Tia Leoni? She’s already a Secretary of State and seems to be doing a pretty decent job of it every Sunday. Let’s give her the job for the rest of the week.

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Attorney General? Julianna Margulies. She’s a lawyer, ran for State’s Attorney and by almost all accounts, is a good wife.

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Secretary of Defense? Well I admit, at first, I was leaning toward Schwarzenegger or Stallone. Then it hit me.

CHUCK NORRIS! Think about it. We could cut the military budget down to nothing. Nobody’s going to go to war with us. Nobody fucks with Chuck Norris!

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ISIS COMMANDER: We will destroy America!

ISIS GUY WATCHING THE NEWS: Sir, America just made Chuck Norris Secretary of Defense.

ISIS COMMANDER:  Shit.

(Insert favorite Chuck Norris joke here. My favorite? Chuck Norris once counted to infinity. Twice.)

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Department of Education? The cast of Sesame Street.

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Depart of Health and Human Services? Pick any of the stern but kindly Chiefs of Staff from the medical show of your choice. Any one of them will do just fine. (Except for Dr. Zorba. I’m pretty sure he’s dead.) (Extra points if you get that reference.)

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Department of Housing? Chris Rock. OK, he really doesn’t have any more qualifications for the job than Ben Carson does. But I just like the guy. He’s funny.

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(If you get that reference, you get double extra points.) I could go on, but you get the point.

How do we do this? Simple. We have an election. Not the usual kind. Between voter suppression, low turnouts, gerrymandering, and the Electoral College, our elections are not working out so well.  I mean, that’s how we got into this mess to begin with.

So what do we do? We have an election the same way reality TV shows do it. Everybody gets to vote from their smartphone, their computer, their tablet, or Android device. You can email or text your vote. You are only allowed to vote up to 20 times on any given device. You can vote up until 10 pm Eastern Standard Time.

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Granted, this will fire up the Millennials and confuse the hell out of old folks. Maybe it’s unfair, but it’s still better than the Electoral College. We can set up March Madness style brackets and have an election every week for maybe a month until we get a winner. More office pools!

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And we, the people, elect everybody. The President doesn’t get to appoint his cabinet. We do.

It’s Democracy at work!

It could work!

As a cheese-faced person who somehow actually became President of the United States said to a bunch of totally incredulous Black people:

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“Give it a try. What have you got to lose?”


19 thoughts on “REALITY SWAP! – BY TOM CURLEY

  1. Dennis Haysbert? – Is THAT who that guy is? I always wondered.

    This is EXACTLY the kind of forward thinking the world needs right now! Now to turn it into real reality! 🙂 ( We need organisation large-scale).

    love.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Garry and I thought of this too. I said “You know, we never really thought of putting our favorite fake actor people in for office because, you know, we thought they had to know something about government. But now … hey … they only need to ACT like they know something. I mean, if it doesn’t MATTER whether or not the people we elect know anything about law, the constitution, or pretty much anything.” There’s a world of people who could do the job and look really spiffy for the cameras, too!

      Liked by 3 people

  2. I’ll have what he’s having

    to go.

    This could work. Put my name on the list, please. and yes, to Morgan Freeman. I have been secretly in love with that man since his “Electric Company” days…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I was pondering the possibilities of Chuck Norris and realized we had skipped on some potential war heroes. I mean … How about Steven Seagal? I know he’s gotten really serious about rescuing the earth from developers, but maybe he would join us if he got a shot at both military AND EPA. If they didn’t do what he told them, he could blow them to shit. I think that’s what he did in his last few movies anyway.

    Where’s Sean Connery when we need him? He would have been a great UN ambassador.

    We can we make Tom Hanks our official representative to all nations who needs someone with compassion, but knows when to say no. Yes. ACTORS.

    I originally thought, you know, just take the entire case of West Wing and suit them up for the Big Roles, but I realize some of them have maybe gotten a bit mature and besides, we need some brown and black faces.

    How about Colbert for Education? He could explain The Word (or Werd?) and everyone would finally GET it.

    Liked by 2 people

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