CONTROL, REALITY, AND LIVING YOUR LIFE

You can’t control life. We think we are in control, especially when everything is moving according to plan.


It’s an illusion.

The first time your life-road takes a sharp turn and hits a big rock, it’s a crash. All of your firm belief that nothing can stop you doesn’t help — because there are things — many things — that can and will stop you. If you don’t die, of course.

I love it when people tell me nothing will stop them, that whatever they want, they can get it. All they have to do is want it enough. I don’t argue with people who talk like that. They believe it and who am I to ruin their dreams? I’ve personally hit a lot of rocks, ditches, unexpected  turns and had my “life vehicle” battered to a creaking hulk. I learned, painfully, slowly, when it’s time to give up control and go with the flow. To find a path in the life you are really living that works for you.

Life can change in a split second. As it did for Christopher Reeve. One minute, he was a big, handsome, strapping movie star. A dreadful split second later, he was someone completely different.

In other lives, it’s slower. For me, it was at the pace at which bones and joints calcify. I refused to pay any attention to the wreckage of my spine. It was mind over matter and I am strong. I would prevail. And I tried and for a while, it worked.

Turns out, mind over matter only takes you so far. Eventually, pain starts to take over. It’s not something that happens in an afternoon. More like a decade. Maybe two. I eventually found the best doctor who told me what I had heard before but hoped was not the real answer. He said: “Your back has got you through this far. It’ll take you the rest of the way. Pain control, gentle exercise. Recognize your limits. Don’t do anything stupid. No car crashes. No falling. No lifting.”

No horses, no hauling. Got that. And of course, this was before all the heart surgery, which further eliminated the likelihood of any of these dangerous activities. So. I’m not doing anything stupid. Okay, not anything very stupid. Maybe only a little bit stupid. Nothing that will break something more.

There’s no moral to this story. It’s just life. If you don’t die young, you will get old. Which means that parts of you are likely to hurt. Whether or not you are in a position to help fix the hurt with exercise or physical therapy depends on what’s wrong in the first place. The one thing you cannot plan is a controlled life where you are always in charge.

We all have some control, but ultimately, no one has full control. Ever.

When life throws you a curve, you have a choice. Spend your life fighting for something you can’t be or with a bit of grace, find your way to being who you have become. Now. In this time. In this place. It is not a tragedy unless you make it one.

Reality is not the worst plan in the world. Our lives are full of weirdness, lies, and illusion, but facing the truth can be uplifting. You don’t have to give up living. You do have to learn to live a life that makes sense. For you.

BUSY DAY AND FLOWERS

We are not busy bees, buzzing from activity to activity. So much stuff gets done online, many of the busy things we used to do are no longer necessary. But — and there’s always a but — there are some things which require a personal touch. This was one of those days.

My final activity of the day was visiting the oncologist — never my favorite activity on any day. I was supposed to do it a month ago, but I wasn’t up to it and deferred it to today.

I needed to go to the post office and mail a small package and, we sold the yellow car. It hasn’t left home yet, but it’s merely waiting to be picked up. Since the new insurance policy came through at the end of last week, this seemed the right time to deal with officially removing the old car.

Yesterday, I went online yesterday and cancelled the plates. Today, I took the paper to the agent and changed our insurance policy to just one car. In our lives together, this is the first time we’ve only had one car. When we were both working, there was no question about needing two vehicles. These days, we rarely need two. I suppose there will be times when we need a second car, at which time we’ll just have to rent one, should it come to that.

I was surprised that our insurance dropped by half. I didn’t think one little old car was costing that much. So I guess it was a good thing and now, we don’t have to replace the tires, the brakes, and the dead battery.

The oncologist is another story. Anyone who has had cancer, now or previously, knows that the periodic visit to the oncologist makes you edgy. The long scar on my right breast has developed a hard piece of scar tissue underneath it. I have been working hard at ignoring it, but it kept bugging me. Last January, I went and saw the nurse practitioner (the doctor was on vacation) and we agreed it didn’t seem to be more than what I thought it was — a hard piece of scar tissue.

Today, at the doctor, we reached the same conclusion … with a proviso. If it seems to be growing or getting harder, back I go. And instead of my usually year between visits, I’m back in three months. It could be something. It probably isn’t. But … it could be. This is why cancer is not a lot of fun. A lot of things could be nothing, but then again, they could be something. And that something is not good.

I’m good at forgetting and with a little luck, I’ll have forgotten this entirely by tomorrow morning. If Medicare didn’t charge $450 for an ultrasound, I’d probably have sprung for the test. I don’t know about other retirees, but I don’t happen to have that hunk of money, so unless I think it’s life or death — it will wait.

Still, a lot got done. I finally got to see my doctor and a lens is on its way to Arizona. Our insurance dropped to as low as insurance ever gets.

For a few minutes when we got out of the hospital, it was sunny and I could see that spring really has come. Most places, anyway. It is less apparent here because our trees are all oak and they have no leaves yet. Other places where they have ornamental trees or maples, there are some small leaves and many flowers.

Since a few days ago, we gained two gorgeous yellow tulips and hillside of Solomon’s Seal has sprung up. It is amazing. In the middle of last week, I saw no evidence they were growing at all. Oh, and the Columbine are starting to bloom. It has been cold and rainy … but finally, spring is coming.

IF TV WAS REAL – TOM CURLEY

I watch a lot of TV. Probably too much. I’m fond of action shows. I’m really fond of all the various comic book shows.


The single thing these shows have in common is they all have at least one computer genius. A girl or guy geek who’s the best hacker in the business. They always have at least a half-dozen computer monitors in front of them. Each one has 10 or more windows open with lines of data scrolling by at about a hundred miles an hour. They can do anything and everything. Instantly.

falcontradingsystems.com

falcontradingsystems.com

BOSS: I know this is illegal, but I need you to hack into the CIA, NSA and FBI servers. They have the most secure and impenetrable firewalls ever designed. Can you do it?

COMPUTER GENIUS: I was into all three 15 seconds ago, sir. The ones that work for the FBI can find anything in 10 seconds or less.

FBI BOSS: Our serial killer is male, early thirties, white, and probably living in a two square mile region south of Albany, Georgia. He’s left handed  and likes string cheese. We need to narrow our search …

FBI COMPUTER GENIUS: Found him! His photo, home address and a copy of his permanent High School record have already been sent to your phone.

Not the real bad guy

Probably not the real bad guy, but this got me to thinking. What would these shows look like if they were happening in the real world?

BOSS OF SUPER SECRET GOVERNMENT ORGANIZATION TASKED WITH SAVING THE WORLD FROM SUPER BAD EVIL DOERS:  OK, listen up. You two are the world’s best black hat and white hat hackers. We’ve brought you here because a Super Bad Evil Doer has stolen software that will allow him to access all the world powers’ nuclear codes. He is demanding 1 trillion dollars in ransom or he will launch all the missiles at once and destroy the Earth. You each have a whole bunch of computer screens in front of you with dozens of boxes open scrolling lines and lines of stuff. You have less than 10 minutes to somehow find our Evil Doer and figure out a way to block him from launching those missiles. Can you do it?

HACKER #1: Yes, but we will need to write some specialized software, at least 10 to 20 thousand lines of code.

BOSS: My God!  Can you do it in time???

HACKER #2: Already done sir. Now all we have to do is upload it to the Evil Doer’s computer. Ready to send in 3, 2 ….

HACKER #1: NO! NO! NO!

HACKER #2: What’s wrong? OH GOD NO! NO! NO!

BOSS: What’s happening?!

HACKER #1: My computer is shutting down!!

HACKER #2: MINE TOO!

BOSS: Are you being hacked? Have your computers been infiltrated by some kind of malicious software? Does the Evil Doer have a genius hacker of his own???

HACKER #1: WORSE! Windows just installed updates! It’s rebooting so the updates can take effect!

windows shut down

BOSS: Can you stop it!??

HACKER #2: It’s too late! Look! It’s already started rebooting and configuring the updates!

windowsupdateinstalling_40853_l

BOSS: There’s nothing you can do???!

HACKER #2: No sir. Look at the screen. It says “Please do not power off or unplug your machine while updates are in progress”!

windows updates 1

BOSS: How long will it take to reboot?

HACKER #1: God only knows! Look! It’s still installing update six of ten! This could take an hour! Even more.

BOSS: We have less than ten minutes before nuclear Armageddon! What are we going to?

HACKER #1: Wait! I’ve got it! I can use my smart phone!

HACKER #2: Yes! We will have to adapt about 15 thousand lines of code but …

HACKER #1: It’s done! OK now all I have to do is input and send the kill command. “NEUTRALIZE ALL NUCLEAR LAUNCH CODES”. And … done!

BOSS: Thank God!

HACKER #2: Oh NO! You entered “NEUTRALIZE ALL NUCLEAR LUNCH CODES”!!

HACKER #1: What?! Damn you AUTOCORRECT!

autocorrect

BOSS: What do we do now!!

HACKER #2: You know what? Pay the ransom. I’ve had it with Windows. I mean look, it’s still on update 6 of 10! We’re going to be here all day!

HACKER #1: I agree. Pay the money. This is just too much trouble. I’m telling you, ever since my phone updated to iOS 9.0.1, nothing works right.

HACKER #2: Tell me about it.

ios-9-overnight-update

As the two hackers walk off into the sunset discussing whether or not upgrading to Windows 10 would make the situation better or worse, small mushroom clouds appear in the distance.

doodleordie.com

doodleordie.com

Yeah, that’s pretty much how it would happen.

Here’s the actual TV show.

 

ODDBALLS

Cee’s Odd Ball Photo Challenge: April 30, 2017

Oddballs. Good to think about now that spring is arriving with piles of caterpillars and of course, those big black ants. I love warmer weather, but the bugs really get me. I suppose living in the country, you have to deal with them … and I do. OUTSIDE. Not in here. And not when they show up by the millions and eat my trees.

The caterpillars are tiny right now and the trees are not fully in leaf. All this rain may help keep them from doing as much damage. I hope so. I really sincerely heart of my heart, hope so.

Dog treats
Cameras, lined up and waiting to go
Porcelain pig with greenies
Front hallway

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