You can’t control life. We think we are in control, especially when everything is moving according to plan.

It’s an illusion.

The first time your life-road takes a sharp turn and hits a big rock, it’s a crash. All of your firm belief that nothing can stop you doesn’t help — because there are things — many things — that can and will stop you. If you don’t die, of course.

I love it when people tell me nothing will stop them, that whatever they want, they can get it. All they have to do is want it enough. I don’t argue with people who talk like that. They believe it and who am I to ruin their dreams? I’ve personally hit a lot of rocks, ditches, unexpected  turns and had my “life vehicle” battered to a creaking hulk. I learned, painfully, slowly, when it’s time to give up control and go with the flow. To find a path in the life you are really living that works for you.

Life can change in a split second. As it did for Christopher Reeve. One minute, he was a big, handsome, strapping movie star. A dreadful split second later, he was someone completely different.

In other lives, it’s slower. For me, it was at the pace at which bones and joints calcify. I refused to pay any attention to the wreckage of my spine. It was mind over matter and I am strong. I would prevail. And I tried and for a while, it worked.

Turns out, mind over matter only takes you so far. Eventually, pain starts to take over. It’s not something that happens in an afternoon. More like a decade. Maybe two. I eventually found the best doctor who told me what I had heard before but hoped was not the real answer. He said: “Your back has got you through this far. It’ll take you the rest of the way. Pain control, gentle exercise. Recognize your limits. Don’t do anything stupid. No car crashes. No falling. No lifting.”

No horses, no hauling. Got that. And of course, this was before all the heart surgery, which further eliminated the likelihood of any of these dangerous activities. So. I’m not doing anything stupid. Okay, not anything very stupid. Maybe only a little bit stupid. Nothing that will break something more.

There’s no moral to this story. It’s just life. If you don’t die young, you will get old. Which means that parts of you are likely to hurt. Whether or not you are in a position to help fix the hurt with exercise or physical therapy depends on what’s wrong in the first place. The one thing you cannot plan is a controlled life where you are always in charge.

We all have some control, but ultimately, no one has full control. Ever.

When life throws you a curve, you have a choice. Spend your life fighting for something you can’t be or with a bit of grace, find your way to being who you have become. Now. In this time. In this place. It is not a tragedy unless you make it one.

Reality is not the worst plan in the world. Our lives are full of weirdness, lies, and illusion, but facing the truth can be uplifting. You don’t have to give up living. You do have to learn to live a life that makes sense. For you.


  1. It just happens. It took me by surprise, I must admit, but you can even get used to that. Yesterday was a bad day, I felt things were going rapidly downhill, and today I cleaned the bathroom and was walking around like a spring lamb – not quite but the difference was there. You have good days and bad days and there is no way to control it. Things happen and basically what do you have to lose. I am me and see others of my age. It is a process that we all go through, and cannot be changed: but it is a surprise sometimes 🙂 ).

    Liked by 2 people

    1. And once you accept that life will do what life does and stop fighting it, everything works out easier. I’m not going to be bouncing around anymore. I have good days, not so good days, and occasionally some really bad ones, but mostly, I find a way to deal with it. But that really IS life. In the end, that’s life for everyone.

      On a more entertaining note — GOING POSTAL is an actual MOVIE — more like two movies on one disc. I ordered it from Amazon and we watched it last night. It was GOOD! if you can find it, I think you’ll enjoy it. Don’t know about Mr. Swiss. Garry liked the second part better than the first. I liked all of it.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I liked “Postal” episode 2 because it was more straight forward with a resolution. I have problems with all the misty mid region folks and their quirks. Just me, I guess.


  2. That’s a real gem of wisdom, Marilyn. I was in a car accident when I was 19 years old. It was February the 13th and the car I was driving wouldn’t start. My father came to give me a push and pushed right into an intersection where I was T-boned. I was thrown out of the car into the snow and was unconscious. The car was a total write off. I broke my left clavicle. It was then that I realized how little control one has over their life.
    That was a valuable lesson.


    1. Yup. That’s the way it works. Everything is fine until it isn’t. It grows you up in a hurry. For a long time, mind over matter really DID work for me … at least 40 years I declared myself FINE and didn’t pay any attention to what was happening. Then, one day, I too had a car crash. T-boned at an intersection. Damn! And that was the end of mind over matter. Since then, there’s been a LOT of compromising.

      Liked by 1 person

        1. Me too. I drive only now and again when I absolutely must. I had a lot of accidents over all the years of long distance commuting. The more you drive, the more likely you are to get hit. I could never drive again and that would be FINE with me.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m not in control in my own home, how can I even pretend to be in control of my own life? Whenever I want to do anything considered to be the least bit strenuous, Lynn calls her son for help. She means well by calling him, but it IS a bit insulting.


  4. Facing the reality can be tough yes. But I do believe in mind over matter what with all the evidence from quantum physics. I have even written an article on it. You can read it in your spare time if you will. But more power to you for facing your reality 🙂


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