KNOTS, PRETZELS, AND THE PRESS – BY TOM CURLEY

It’s been fun since the election watching the right-wing press, mostly lead by Fox News, bend themselves into evermore twisty and convoluted pretzels as they try to explain the latest gaffe/scandal/complete act of idiocy coming out of the White House.

The Dunderhead-In-Chief keeps admitting he does things, like, I don’t know. Like, give up code word “intel” to the Russians. In the Oval Office. Admitting that he fired an FBI Director because he was being investigated by the FBI over his connections to Russia … to the same Russians!  You know, stuff like that.

Hey guys, the CIA just told me some really cool stuff. Wanna hear it?

His defenses all boil down to: “He can do that if he wants to, so there” and “It’s Obama’s fault!”

This is nothing new. If we’ve learned anything in the last four months it’s that no matter how crazy we think things will be, they’ll be even crazier. We also know that the SCROTUS M.O. is to distract today’s scandal with a worse scandal tomorrow.

So, the question becomes, where does he have left to go? What scandal could be worse than today’s? Wait, I got it. He actually shoots somebody on Fifth Avenue in Manhattan to prove he wouldn’t lose any of his supporters.

SEAN HANNITY: Breaking news. President Trump just shot a man on Fifth Avenue in Manhattan. Secret service agents immediately pounced on the man and wrestled him to the ground.

SEAN HANNITY: Here to discuss this breaking story we have Senior White House Adviser Kellyanne Conway and Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders. Kellyanne, let’s start with you.

KELLYANNE CONWAY: Well first off I think it’s very unfair the way the fake news media have been saying the President shot a man on Fifth Avenue.

BERNIE SANDERS: But he did! He shot a guy! On Fifth Avenue! On live TV!

What the hell?

KELLYANNE CONWAY: That’s one way of looking at it. I didn’t see the President shoot a man on Fifth Avenue. I saw the President save a man on Fifth Avenue.

BERNIE SANDERS: Save him?? From what?!

KELLYANNE CONWAY: Radical Islāmic Terrorism.

BERNIE SANDERS: WHAT???!!

KELLYANNE CONWAY: And besides, the President was elected in the largest landslide in the history of the world. So, he has the right to shoot anybody he wants.

BERNIE SANDERS: NO HE DOESN’T!!!

KELLYANNE CONWAY: Well, he can order drone strikes. He can send troops into war. He can launch missiles. In every case, he’s killing somebody. So why can’t he just take out a gun and shoot a man?

SEAN HANNITY: Hmmm. That makes sense. Executive privilege.

BERNIE SANDERS: NO IT DOESN’T!! Well, actually, it makes a little sense … No! What am I saying??! This is still crazy! He shot a guy to prove that none of his supporters would leave him!

KELLYANNE CONWAY: That’s ridiculous. He was saving a man from Radical Islam. Every White House aide agrees with me.

SEAN HANNITY: This just in: President Trump told Lester Holt of NBC News that he shot the man to prove none of his supporters would leave him.

BERNIE SANDERS: SEE???

SEAN HANNITY: This also just in. A recent CBS/NY Times Poll says that President Trump has not lost any of his supporters. 85 percent said, “The guy had it coming.” The other 15 percent said “The guy probably had it coming.”

And so it would go. Full confession. This idea is not new. Google “George Bush ate a baby” and “George Bush Saves a baby”.

Everything old is new again. Just dumber.

14 thoughts on “KNOTS, PRETZELS, AND THE PRESS – BY TOM CURLEY

  1. We were watching Colbert and I was waiting for her to announce that this really WAS the story. She, like Garry, wants to believe that we are too good a country to not do what we should with a president this awful. I really want them to be right.

    Liked by 2 people

    • As I was writing this I realized that if it did happen I wouldn’t be surprised in the least and his supporters probably would back him up.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Funny one, Pancho. But, as we’ve learned, let’s not laugh too loudly. Kevin Spacey , guesting w/ Colbert last night, was funny as he compared Frank Underwood to MacCheesehead 45. I’ll go with Frank any day of the week.

        Like

  2. I’m laughing at the Kelly-Ann/Sanders interview but am frightened at just how close to being reality that is!!!

    Meanwhile most people in most other countries on Earth (Probably excluding Russia, China, Syria, Iran and N Korea) just watch the latest expose and shake their heads in bemusement mixed with bewilderment at just how this could ever have come to pass.

    Only in America! (so far!).

    We all know there ARE actually decent people in the US and that many of them have representatives in the Capital. We just wonder how they can be so powerless to correct the problem – or is it simply we’re all being too impatient for what is likely a very long, slow but perhaps eventually just, process?

    I think most of us out here want you to be right too, Marilyn!

    love

    Liked by 1 person

  3. this is hysterical and scary at the same time. I would love to see Kelly-Ann blurped by a car/mud puddle, it would truly make my day. And someone should tell her she’s got neither the build nor the youth to go with cleavage. We tryin’ too hard, there.
    I think part of the problem about effective action is that there is so much confusion and uncertainty about who is doing what, and firings and hirings, it’s hard to get anyone to settle in and plan. A government should be a slow moving train. Right now it’s a trolley car and it’s jumped its tracks.

    Liked by 1 person

    • What’s more amazing is this isn’t new. If you watched that “George Bush Saves a Baby” video it’s the same bit. Just with Tucker Carlson of Fox News and Tom Hartman and the anchor was Tim Russert from Meet the Press.

      Like

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