I could run for elective office if I so chose. Even in retirement, after more than 40 years as a TV and radio news reporter I’m sufficiently recognizable that I could put my name up for election. I don’t have a lot of skeletons in my closet. Certainly none scandalous enough to draw attention. Maybe, given the way times have changed, I don’t have enough skeletons, but that’s a conversation for another day.
Nonetheless, I felt it was time to come clean about the addiction I have not been able to shed. I steal pens. I am a pen thief.
My reputation precedes me into the offices of public officials, religious leaders, doctors, lawyers, business, and law enforcement. I am welcome with smiles and handshakes — but the pens are locked away.
My pen thievery is the stuff of legend, admired by icons like “Tip” O’Neill, the late Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives. “Tip” and I once swapped anecdotes about the quality of watches and pens on “The Hill”. He actually once double dared me.
Having swiped pens from Scotland Yard, the Vatican, Buckingham Palace, state houses, city halls, and other high-profile venues, I set my sites on the biggest of all: The Oval Office.
I’d already established a rapport with then-President Clinton. He knew and liked me. I had it planned. A one-on-one interview with no one else in the big room. I diverted the President’s attention and reached for one of his elegant pens — only to find him staring at me. Smiling.
“We know all about you, Garry”, President Clinton smiled cheerily.
Turns out the good pens had been stashed and replaced by cheap, discount ones that dried up after a few uses. I later found out some of my best political contacts — on both sides of the aisle in DC — had joined in a bi-partisan move to warn the President about the notorious pen thief from Boston.
Being a legend isn’t as easy as it looks.
Categories: Anecdote, Garry Armstrong, Humor, President
I’d mount them in a shadow box with a label for every person they came from. You could post a story with each pen and a little aside about the interview. Priceless!
Leslie
LikeLiked by 1 person
And you would have got away with it if it wasn’t for those darn kids!
LikeLiked by 2 people
😆 Is that you and Marilyn with Clinton in the last shot?
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yes, indeed it was. He was a very impressive guy, back then.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes. Us. Our Days of Wine and Roses period.
LikeLiked by 1 person
He coulda let you, looked the other way and let you think you’d actually done the deed. Sheesh.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Judy, he CUDDA looked the other way. I never told on him. Always gave him good coverage. I think he was afraid. Afraid because I caught him staring at Marilyn’s breasts during a summer vacation party on Martha’s Vineyard.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Legend! Having confessed i don’t think less of you! If anything more would be the case 🙂
I was going to say it was good to see that at least One US President was well informed by his government agencies and followed their briefings – but to hear that it was members of his party AND even members of the opposition who DOBBED on you? Why that’s darn un-American imo 🙂
Let me know when you’re visiting – i’ll dig out the cheap pens! 😉
love
LikeLiked by 2 people
lwbut, I think a Secret Service Agent ratted me out. I knew some of them and stupidly told one about my addiction. Ya can’t trust anyone.
LikeLiked by 2 people
😉
LikeLike
At least you only stole pens, and didn’t steal or give away state secrets!!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Only Pens, SLMRET. In the Oval Office, my eyes only saw the gleaming pen — nothing else.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Focusing only on what’s most important!!! hehehe
LikeLiked by 2 people
Smlret, always focused. Secret to my success. Cary Grant was my idol in “To Catch A Thief”.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hahahaha….love it
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks, Julz. They don’t make good pens anymore. No incentive for me to steal the cheap stuff.
LikeLiked by 2 people
lol……..well it doesn’t seem to stop anyone at my work, can never seem to find a pen and they are ALL cheap nasties lol
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ah, for the good old days when we had class.
LikeLiked by 1 person
lol true
LikeLiked by 2 people