Not the news, June 2017
In an unexpected bow to America’s need for clean air, President Trump announced he is banning automobiles accompanied by a massive return to manufacturing buggies.
“All the out-of-work wheelwrights, carpenters, horse breeders, and horseshoe makers,” he announced, “will be back on the job! We will also need millions of guys to clean up the horseshit.” As a note for non horse owners, a horse produces about eight piles of manure a day totaling 50 pounds, more or less. Every day. All year. In all seasons.
That means each horse creates about nine tons of manure per year which can be used as fertilizer, to make bricks, and especially as fuel — with a higher heating value than seasoned hardwood. Plus, the resultant ash is an excellent soil additive.
Auto manufacturers ignored the announcement as General Motors kept rolling out the hybrids. Simultaneously, forty of Trump’s favorite Republican cronies cheered, promising this proposal would produce a massive job surge as well as a perfect, renewable source for heating homes.
Sean Spicer assured reporters that this administration has always been about horseshit, something with which many commentators could (finally) agree.