Marvin: Life? Don’t talk to me about life!

– Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, 1979

There’s a lot of stuff going on. Most of it is exhausting and annoying — and all of it, expensive.

In a world where I find myself wondering if I’m going to live long enough to make it worthwhile to get the “lifetime warranty” on the water heater, please do not try to placate me with a platitude. I know them. I’ve heard them. I’ve probably even used them. I just can’t bear the idea of listening to one of them right now. Please don’t.

In honor of the one author that has always found a way to make me laugh — and the only famous person born on my birthday, here are some of my favorite quotes from Marvin, the depressed robot with a mind the size of the universe.

72-$ Ten thousand dollar bill

P.S. Someone in New Hampshire won $457 million dollars on a $1 lottery ticket a little while ago. It wasn’t us.

A Sunny Disposition:

Marvin: “My capacity for happiness you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first.”
Arthur: “I think that door just sighed.”
Marvin: “Ghastly, isn’t it?”

Marvin: “Sorry, did I say something wrong? Pardon me for breathing which I never do anyway so I don’t know why I bother to say it oh God I’m so depressed.”

A ‘Can Do’ Attitude:

Arthur: “Marvin, any ideas?”
Marvin: “I have a million ideas. They all point to certain death.”

Trillian: “Marvin… you saved our lives!”
Marvin: “I know. Wretched, isn’t it?”

Marvin: “I’ve calculated your chance of survival, but I don’t think you’ll like it.”

A Strong Work Ethic:

Marvin: “I think you ought to know I’m feeling very depressed.”
Trillian: “Well, we have something that may take your mind off it.”
Marvin: “It won’t work, I have an exceptionally large mind.”

Marvin: “Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to take you to the bridge. Call that job satisfaction, ’cause I don’t.”

Marvin: “‘Reverse primary thrust, Marvin.’ That’s what they say to me. ‘Open airlock number three, Marvin.’  ‘Marvin, can you pick up that piece of paper?’ Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to pick up a piece of paper.”

A Good Education:

Marvin: “It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level.”
Arthur Dent: “You mean you can see into my mind?”
Marvin: “Yes.”
Arthur: “Well?”
Marvin: “It amazes me how you manage to live in anything that small.”

Marvin: “I am at a rough estimate thirty billion times more intelligent than you. Let me give you an example. Think of a number, any number.”
Zem: “Er, five.”
Marvin: “Wrong. You see?”

A Positive Approach To Health And Well-being:

Zaphod Beeblebrox: “There’s a whole new life stretching out in front of you.”
Marvin: “Oh, not another one.”

Marvin: “Do you want me to sit in a corner and rust or just fall apart where I’m standing?”

Marvin: “The first ten million years were the worst. And the second ten million: they were the worst, too. The third ten million I didn’t enjoy at all. After that, I went into a bit of a decline.”

A Keen Interest In Philosophy:

Marvin: “Life? Don’t talk to me about life!”

Marvin: “I ache, therefore I am.”

Marvin: “Life. Loathe it or ignore it. You can’t like it.”

There, now don’t we all feel like better people already?

Douglas Adams, I miss you.

15 thoughts on “DON’T TALK TO ME ABOUT LIFE”

  1. $457 million dollars on a $1 lottery ticket – That’s too much money for anyone. You’d think they could have made a bigger difference by having a $1 million prize for 457 people.


    1. I know. Assuming 50% taxes, it’s still a lot of money for a one dollar ticket. When I make my big win — delayed probably by my unwillingness to actually buy lottery tickets — I plan to spread the winnings around. But i would have to buy a ticket, I guess.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Neither has Garry. He doesn’t get the humor … but I think he hasn’t really given it a fair try. Anyway, I’d try the Dirk Gently 2-part series first. They’ve actually got plots and recognizable characters 😀


  2. Ahhh Marvelous Marvin! “It amazes me how you can live in anything that small” is my all time favourite passage in literature!
    I might not agree with Mr Adams’ atheism but he remains the author i have probably read the most often (despite him writing only a dozen books) and i love his humour. He’s sadly missed.

    I see they are proposing a second series of the Dirk Gently Holistic Detective Agency on TV this year?

    Not as good as the book though. Americanising British humour rarely works out well as evidenced by the last Hitchhiker movie. 😦



    1. The show was supposedly British but I think they dropped it. It wasn’t a network thing, either. It’s possible Netflix or Amazon was producing it … and they do a lot of production in England or Australia. Actors will just go wherever the money is. I haven’t really liked any of the productions of Adams’ work. They keep trying to fix it … and it doesn’t need fixing.

      Liked by 1 person

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