Time travel is the ultimate addiction. One day, I realized the large window in my bedroom had become a wormhole. I flipped out.

It had begun as a day like any other. Coffee. Making sure the dogs had biscuits. Wash those few dishes in the sink. Clean out the drying rack. Look at the sky, wonder if it’s going to rain. Wondering why it matters so much anyhow. It’s just another day, right?

Then there’s the whirling twirling thing in the blinds. A vortex! While I’m standing there trying to figure out how to get into it, wondering how come they don’t appear at a more convenient location … like at floor level, for example. Am I supposed to leap over my dresser? And I need a clue how to designate when and where I want to go and return. Because I do want to return!

It turns out (surprise!) the vortex knows. Everything.

NASA’s own time machine

Just focus your mind on when, where and how long you want to be wherever it may be and voilà! The vortex takes care of the rest, like an exceptionally good travel agent, but much cheaper. The danger is going through the vortex with your brain muddled. You can wind up some strange places … not places anyone wants to be. Don’t drink and time travel! Also, you don’t have to jump or climb into the vortex. Just stand as close as you can and reach into it mentally. Cool beans, right?

If you are one of the lucky ones who’ve had a vortex appear for you, I’d like to offer you some practical advice.

  • Don’t drink, smoke dope, or take other mind-bending substances before you travel elsewhen.
  • Avoid the 14th century. It’s too depressing.
  • You should get vaccinations for defunct diseases. Talk to your doctor.
  • If you have a really cool doctor, let him or her in on the secret. Some can be bribed with an excursion of their own. And it’s a good bet you’ll eventually need medical support, so why not start out ahead?
  • Wear appropriate clothing. Layer. Sometimes the seasons aren’t predictable. A small carry-on piece of luggage in a natural fiber such as canvas is a good investment.
  • Take your camera. Take extra memory chips and backup batteries. You aren’t going to be recharging anything.
  • Leave the cell phone home. A ringing cell at the wrong moment can produce unexpected — and unpleasant — results.
  • Tell your mate what’s going on. Nothing upsets a relationship more than your appearing out of nowhere. Why not take your other half along for a couple of rides? Maybe he or she will love it too.
  • Try to land in an open area. Arriving mid-air or inside a wall or tree produces bad trips. Sometimes death. Be clear in your mind so the vortex can read you. Wherever you are going, do a little research. Google Earth and history books can be helpful in giving you good visualization capabilities.
  • Try not to lose yourself in time. If you overdo it, you can forget who you are supposed to be, who your children are, your friends, family. Everything. Most of us want to go home eventually.
  • Don’t tell everything to everybody. You want to keep the press out of it. Far out of it.
  • The future is scarier than the past. Spend time in known history before you venture forward. You’ll be glad you did.

Vortexes don’t last forever. Make the most of your opportunity while it’s available. Enjoy your travels, my friends. Welcome to TIMING OUT of life! It’s the best ride you’ll ever take.

Categories: History, Humor, Sci Fi - Fantasy - Time Travel, time, Travel

Tags: , , , , , ,

24 replies

  1. Did you have some magic mushrooms for breakfast? And if so (and you, have some left over) please mail them over to the UK, they might help us get through Brexit

    Liked by 1 person

    • I used to LOVE tripping drugs. Loved them. Never had a bad trip or even close. It was also fun and crazy with a lot of laughing and conversations where we all solved the problems of the universe. Of course these days, any one of those drugs would quite likely kill me.

      But magic mushrooms for breakfast? Maybe in a nice cheese omelet? Oh yeah.


  2. Clearly the way to go!


  3. This world is sort of like a malfunctioning HoloDeck.
    But without ‘Time Travel’ I’m not sure Star Trek would even exist. ?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The book about the dogs you mentioned makes me think about the Twilight Zone episode where the little girls accidentally wanders into another dimension that opens up in her room, and the dog is sent in to retrieve her because they can better make sense of such things. It does make you wonder…

    I am still waiting for time travelers from that distant future where it is possible to show up. Maybe they just don’t like my lifetime, or kept getting stuck in trees or cliffs that weren’t there 8,000 years later….


  5. This is too much fun!!! Thank you for the delicious break from political news! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I hate it when that happens. You stumble into the bathroom at 0630 to brush your teeth and suddenly it’s 1743. (AD.)

    Liked by 2 people

  7. You should write a book like “Time Travel for Dummies”. My vortex appears at our cat door, so only our cat can pass through it. She disappears for hours sometimes.

    Liked by 3 people

    • You know, that’s not a bad idea. I’ll have to think about it. Have you ever read Clifford Simak’s “City”? It’s an old book, from 1952, about a world populated by dogs who can see through into other dimensions. That’s why they bark at nothing. It isn’t nothing … it’s another dimension. I tried explaining it to the neighbors, but they weren’t interested.

      Liked by 2 people

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