I was doing really well (for me) until I melted down last night. It doesn’t happen as often as it once did, but it happens. I’m fine. Then seconds later, I’m not.

The body falls apart. I’m not going to get graphic, but there’s a lot of nitroglycerin involved and some screaming (mine). Which upsets the dogs and despite their good intentions, the frantic barking didn’t help much. I’m pretty sure they want to know what they should do … and sadly, nothing is the answer. There’s not much anyone can do except be there in case someone has to call an ambulance.

I was smarter last night than I sometimes am. I did NOT take the blood pressure medicine because combined with the nitro, that generally makes me dangerously sick. This hit just before I would normally have taken meds and I knew enough, this time, to not go there. It was the high point of my evening.

It was late, too. No one to call. Not a mental thing. Nothing I could tell myself that would make the pain go away or get my breathing back.  Just something my body does, for no apparent reason though I’m thinking not having eaten properly or slept well for these four days probably didn’t help. Other than knowing there’s some kind of sleep and food connection, I have no idea what causes everything to cease up like that, but this has been happening a long time and is much worse now than it was years ago. Usually, I can pull out of it in less than an hour … at least to a point where I can stop screaming.

Last night was not one of those nights.

I am very tired. Not feeling much like writing or answering or for that matter, getting out of bed, but I had coffee brewing and was pretty sure the coffee would help.

I dreamed of the girls I grew up with. I haven’t seen any of them in more than 50 years, but there they were. Hanging out on Carol’s front porch — a house long knocked down and replaced. They all looked old.

Mary (left), Marilyn (middle), Carol (right). I think we were about 6 or 7.

I realized that I looked old too. I would have stopped to chat, but I wasn’t feeling well and went drifting homeward, worrying about dogs, knowing Garry’s on his way back. Needing to make myself at least not look like something that just crawled out from underneath the sink.

I can feel the coffee doing its job. Convincing my blood to move through veins. Helping my head to stop aching. Today will be better. I’m reasonably sure of that and the dogs are not as crazy as they were last night.

Apparently all that screaming upset them and Duke leapt the fence and slept in front of my door, refusing to move unless I emerged. He is a good boy.

I’ll be back tomorrow, but today? I’m taking the day off.

Categories: #Health

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33 replies

  1. Hope things are better now! Or if not, they soon will be…


  2. Sorry to hear of the meltdown and hope you’re back in semi-good health real soon Marilyn!
    Dogs bark loudly to call the family group together for protection or to attract attention (get help). They were probably trying to bring Garry home for you – It Worked!! 🙂

    I hope you gave them an extra treat each?

    Dogs are also highly attuned and responsive to our emotions and state of well-being and do what they think is best – sometimes they are better judges of what we need than we are! 😉



    • I figured something like that … and keeping me alert so I would fall asleep maybe? They are good kids. It was just not a time when a lot of noise was a big help, but they were doing what they knew how to do. It isn’t “Lassie” on television. No script writer to tell them to drag Timmy out of the well. For regular dogs, they done good 😀

      As for how I feel, not so great. I thought I’d be fine by now.


      • Feeling fine is not all it’s cracked up to be! ;-)…

        … but i’ll grant you it’s probably better than what you’ve got now!

        keep that chin up, Spike! 🙂



        • Well, when you have been seriously ill and constantly dealing with the issues from whatever you’ve got, feeling “good” isn’t something that happens every day. For me, a good day isn’t a BAD one. And there are plenty of bad ones, just some are worse than others.


  3. I am truly sorry to learn of your episode. Please take care.


  4. I am glad Garry is there – what a scary sounding episode Marilyn. Take care and hope you are returning to normal and feeling better


  5. Marilyn, I hope you are OK now. This sounds scary. I am glad that Garry is back home with you. Duke–what a sweetie he is.


  6. Dogs are our guardian angels. I hope you feel better presently, but I’m encouraged to see you’re wise enough to know when to back off and just heal. An odd little thing – today yours is the second post I’ve seen dealing with malaise and body troubles and I’m wondering about a correlation with the coming eclipse. Just something that crossed into my mind today.


    • My guardian angels, lacking specific medical knowledge, just stood there and barked furiously. Although I appreciated the intention (I think), it wasn’t exactly what I needed. I’m not sure what I needed, but a lot of very loud barking was NOT it.

      Let’s blame it on the eclipse. Why not? It’s as good as any other explanation.


  7. Animals are very prone to react according to how we act. I have noticed it with my cats. If I get iffy and lose my temper (we are all human) they disappear or are very wary of me. Sorry you had to go through this all, especially being on your own. We need days off now and again to rethink. I decided today there would be no stress and there was none.


    • It’s hard NOT to get cranky when you’re in pain and they are BARKING at you. I mean, realistically, what else could they do? But it wasn’t helping. Garry is back. He’s exhausted and not a little cranky himself.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Do take some time off, Marilyn. (you don’t have to answer this)


  9. 😞 I hope you’ll feel like yourself again soon.


  10. You’re a true treasure, Marilyn. Please take care of yourself. Do everything that makes you feel relaxed and more in tune with you. Your such a wonderful person. I value your friendship so much. You’re a delight. Your sense of humour, your wit, your clarity, the love you have for making (albeit sometimes hidden in what you call cynicism) ever ready. You’ve kept me sane for the last several days, knowing I could reach you, chat with you even if I couldn’t get to my blog. You made a huge difference, once I can’t ever explain in words.You are indeed a very special woman. I’ve so delighted to have met you. I only hope today and tonight are better for you a million percent!


  11. Take care of yourself.


  12. Do take care of yourself, relax and eat well today, and have a better night tonight!


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