ALT-NEWS: PRESIDENT RESIGNS – BY GORDON C. STEWART

My Fellow Americans,

I stand before you today to announce my resignation, effective tomorrow at noon E.D.T.

To all of you who supported my campaign to drain the swamp in Washington, this decision will come as a huge disappointment, but it will not come as a surprise.

6a00e554dac08588330115702f407e970c-320wiAs a real estate developer I know that some swamps can’t be drained. As the Bible teaches, the wise man built his house upon the rock; the foolish man built his house upon the swamp. And the rains came down, and the rains came down, just like they’re coming down now in Texas, and the floods came up and washed the foolish man’s house away.

I’m no fool. I’m a developer. I know when to get in, and I know when to get out.

No matter how hard I’ve tried to lead you out of this swamp, the evil press continues to undermine my efforts — efforts greater than anyone in history before me and, I’m sad to say, greater than anyone who will ever come after me — to rid the country of the snakes, alligators, and crocodiles that are destroying our beloved country and undermining my promise to make America great again.

Donald Trump

America will never be great again. Our best days are behind us.

You elected me because you wanted a winner. I’m a winner! Hillary lost. She lost big! She’s a sore loser. Just the other day she whined about our debate. “Donald stalked me; he stalked me!” Wa-wa-wa! I won. She lost. But the America I ran to save can only be saved by you, the American people. It can only be saved when you rise up to empty the whole swamp of Washington.

Tomorrow I will turn over the swamp to Vice President Mike Pence. Mike is a man who knows the swamp as well as anyone. He came to his office from Congress and will fit right in.

princely-diamond-suite

Pincely Diamond Suite, Hotel Hermitage, Monte Carlo, Monaco

Melania, Barron, Ivanka, Jarod, and I will be moving to Monaco at the invitation of Prince Albert II. Monaco is a principality, but it’s already great! The Prince has invited the Trump family to live as his guests in the Princely Diamond Suite of the Hotel Hermitage in Monte Carlo where our beloved Grace Kelly found a home outside he country as Princess of Monaco, and has invited me to be the grand marshal of the 2018 Monaco Grand Prix, the world’s most famous grand prix.

I love you all. I love America. I wish you well. I’m not a loser. I’m a winner like Prince Albert II whom the press also tried to destroy with vicious allegations of sexual exploits and illegitimate children.

Finally, I say to the New York Times, the Washington Post, CNN, MSNBC, and all the other fake news media, Mitch McConnell — what a loser! — to Hillary and Bill (whose campaigns, by the way, I generously supported over the years without a word of thanks), Mr. Comey, and Mr. Mueller, as President of the United States of America, I hereby absolve myself of all responsibility for the swamp by issuing a presidential pardon of Joe Arapio and of myself for all alleged offenses past, present future.


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May God bless Joe, may God bless what could have been the United States of America, and may God bless the son of our beloved Grace Kelly.

Oh, my, it felt so good to write this!  — Ghost writer, Gordon C. Stewart, Chaska, MN, August 26, 2017.

 

Source: Alt-News: President resigns

29 thoughts on “ALT-NEWS: PRESIDENT RESIGNS – BY GORDON C. STEWART

      • He’s amping it up because the Russia thing is getting closer. None of this stuff we’re getting hepped up about matters really. Arpaio doesn’t matter; Confederate statues don’t matter; Transsexuals in the military doesn’t matter. But we easily get riled up. He’s a master at playing us. That terrifies me. He’s recharging his base because he knows he’s in deep shit. If we opened our eyes we’d see that everything he is doing is an admission of his guilt at having colluded with Russia to win the election. Why? That is the interesting question to me.

        He’s a sociopath and we seem to keep forgetting that or we don’t get what it means. It means he can manipulate us beyond our ability even to imagine the level of manipulation.

        He’s so much like the Evil X — “Honey, would you like me to pick up a sandwich for you on my way home from school?” “Sure!” “What kind?” “Roast beef.” “Great.” I get home. He’s painting the office. He has no job. I’m supporting him. “Here’s your sandwich, honey.” “You think a fucking sandwich is going to make up for my painting your goddamned office?” Sandwich thrown against the bookcase, MY books.

        I’m AGAINST the wall. I’m scared; I can’t succeed; I no longer see the forest (this douche bag has no job and he’s living off me) I just see that he asked for a sandwich and now he’s thrown it and he’s yelling at me. I want to pacify him; I want to make everything good again (like it was ever good?).

        It is really and truly a battle of good vs. evil and it’s sinister.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I haven’t forgotten. I think on a very real level, he is working hard at becoming irrelevant. But he can still manage to do a lot of ugly damage before he finally goes away. We may not care about transgender people in the military, but other people really DO care and I have a friend here from Arizona — who is NOT white — and trust me, he DOES care about the message being sent. All that notwithstanding, I think you are basically right. He’s blowing up the ammo dump before abandoning the area. I suspect that somewhere there’s a major retreat just waiting for the trigger to be pressed.

          I am hoping he doesn’t get to hurt too many more people before he is finally ousted.

          Liked by 1 person

          • When I say “transgender military doesn’t matter” I mean that while it might matter to individuals and it might matter to people who’ve been indoctrinated recently to be conscious of issues like that, it really doesn’t matter. Trans make up 0.5% of the population and probably less of the military population. Trump KNOWS it doesn’t matter, but it’s a hot button. For some reason things that SHOULD be hot buttons in our country are not, like increasing the number of troops being sent to fight in Afghanistan. Why aren’t we reacting to THAT?

            The race issue? I don’t think anyone thought it would be solved instantly in the 1960s. That there is a smoldering white resentment and anger does not surprise me though I don’t sympathize with it. Minorities KNOW there are white people who hate them but they’ve relied (tentatively? Warily?) on the rule of law to carry on with their lives.

            Trump’s contempt for the rule of LAW, however, that is a HUGE issue — and it affects the race issue. Statues are irrelevant. Knock them down, leave them up, pigeons will shit on them whether they’re a famous writer in Writer’s Park in Trieste or R. E. Lee in Atlanta. Doesn’t matter. What matters is that “mere anarchy has been loosed upon the world” and it is preying on people’s egoistic relationship to their sense of personal justice. It has castrated the long view which Obama was able to take during the whole stupid-ass birther movement. He was a real leader and a model for perspective. “Trannies and gays in the military? Who fucking cares? Let them in if they want to fight for the country and have a shot at an education through military service.” A far less cynical way of saying, “Cannon fodder is cannon fodder, right?”

            I hope Mueller has an air-tight case and I hope it happens soon. I can’t believe they let that shit decorate the White House, but I can’t believe they let him meet foreign leaders or any of the other things presidents do. Every day I see something and I think, “WTF? You’re letting HIM do THAT????”

            Liked by 1 person

            • I’m at the point with out pointless foreign wars where, having fought against Vietnam and every little, medium, and bigger was since, i am never surprised to hear that we’re sending more troops somewhere stupid, pointless, and probably lethal. That’s what we DO. And I’m sure it was a military and NOT a Trump decision. They told him “they needed to do it” and he said “Fine, whatever.” His “speech” was almost identical to Obama’s on the same subject. Same military author maybe?

              I am a nice Jewish lady married to a nice brown man. Being able to live under laws that are obeyed are very immediate and personal for us. There are many places we will not travel because we are a perfect target for haters … and that Garry was on TV TOO, well, how much better does it get than that?

              My son is gay. Even before he was officially out, Garry having been in show biz, we have a lot of friends who are various odd things. If these things don’t matter on the biggest/bigger scale, they matter personally. If we get picked off one small group at a time, when do they run out of Those Other People and aim the gun at us? Because they will.

              I am not picky. I merely want this government gone. I don’t care whether they send them to a prison, a foreign palace, or a desert island — or there’s poison food involved. I do not care how it gets done. I just want it DONE.

              Liked by 1 person

  1. Sad that this post not a fact. Except for the whole Pence thing that is. Draining the swamp of Washington D.C. totally and getting rid of the unsavory denizens (of whatever party affiliation they claim) is the only way thinking people in the U.S. of A. know of to maybe have a fighting chance of regaining our country. Can we be great again? Who knows? But we won’t as long as we have the ilk of ‘leader’ we’ve got right now.

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