Delivery messages typically show up in my email and are as often as not, followed by retractions. “Sorry, it’ll be a little late,” or “Weather issues have delayed …” and my favorite, “Your package has gone walkabout and may never be seen again … we’ll let you know if we find it. ”
About half the time, I get a message telling me “It’s here!” Which would be great if I had any idea where it might be. The message usually says they’ve left it on the porch (NOT) on the front steps (too many dogs) … Where it actually is? Ah. That is the rub.
We’ve found packages in late spring that have spent the entire winter buried in a drift. We’ve found items flung into the woods and gnawed by squirrels. Tossed under the stairs of the deck. Dropped in the middle of the driveway, after which they were apparently rolled over by the same truck that delivered them.
The creativity of express delivery is never-ending. I think when the guys get together for a post delivery day beer, they laugh hysterically as they plan all the ways they can make packages disappear and then swear they were delivered to your front porch (NOT).
We really don’t have a front porch.
Or maybe they it’s on the back porch, except we don’t have a back porch either. Unless you count the deck. Which is a long flight of stairs upward. Why would anyone voluntarily put something up there?
Mostly, they plunk them down by the garage, which is where we actually do want them. We’ve even supplied a table on which to put them and if it’s the regular UPS guy, he will normally put them where they belong. The FedEx guy is too weird. He throws packages from the truck into the woods, to the great amusement of the wildcats and skunk. Or delivers them to the wrong houses from which we may get them back … or maybe not. To be fair, we also get other people’s packages.
If they belong nearby, we take them over. But many of these packages are for people who live half a continent away. How they wind up in Uxbridge is something a greater mind than mine will have to contemplate. We call the delivery people, tell them to come get the packages. They never show up. I wouldn’t mind except is always sometimes completely useless … like shoes for people with odd size feet.
So let’s hear it for express. Don’t forget: Christmas is coming!