PUNCHLINES AND PROPHECIES – BY TOM CURLEY

So, last night Ellin and I were watching the Golden Globe Awards.

Normally we don’t that much care who wins or loses. But for the last few years I’ve been getting “screener” copies of all the movies nominated for all the award shows. We watch as many as we care to watch and can watch the ones that win. So, we watched the show. Near the end of the show Oprah Winfrey was given the Cecile B. DeMille award.

It’s their version of a life-time achievement award. The winner gets to give a speech without having to worry about the dreaded “music” telling them to shut the fuck up and get off the stage before they get “the hook.”

Last year the winner was Meryl Streep. She gave a speech eviscerating our “So called Commander-in-Chief.” This year Oprah didn’t really mention the President at all. Even so, she gave a presidential speech and by most accounts, a pretty good one. In the middle of it, I paused the show and said to Ellin. “Holy crap, she’s running for president.”

And sure enough, that was the headline the next day.

I’m writing all of this, not because I support or oppose Oprah Winfrey running for president. I’m not writing this because if he’s done nothing else, Cheesy MacCheese Head has proved the old adage we were taught as children: “Anybody can grow up to be President.”  More importantly, he’s proved that just because anybody can be president, not everybody SHOULD BE!!

No, I’m writing this because I predicted that Oprah Winfrey would be president 28 YEARS AGO!!!

Don’t believe me? I have proof. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far … well actually, it was this galaxy. I wrote a show called “A Half Hour Radio Show.”

The premise of the show was that two hosts, me and my partner Jeff, would present a half hour of witty, satirical bits, and skits. The problem was, we never ever did any of them because something would always happen. We would never get to our actual show. In the first episode, the radio station we were on was sold during the opening music and they installed an instantaneous ratings computer that computed ratings in real time. Every time we went to commercial, the format would change so we never got to our show.

After that, things got much weirder.

In one episode, Jeff and I got sent 30 years into the future to do a show with our future selves. Why? Well, we still had the show 30 years in the future and we realized one day that we had no show for that week.

We thought it would be funny to get our selves from 30 years ago to come to the future and do a show together. Then they remembered that they actually did do that, so now, they had to do that. So, they did.

If that confuses you, it should. If figuring out time travel doesn’t give you a headache, you’re not doing it right.

The point of that particular show was to look at the world 30 years from then. Our young selves asked our old selves about what life was like. We learned things like:

  • There were 5000 TV channels. Today, cable, satellite, fiber, etc.
  • Every song had its own channel. Today, it’s Pandora, Spotify, etc.
  • There was a commercial channel. It only played commercials. Today, it’s on YouTube.
  • When asked who was the President of the United States, our older selves answered: “Oprah Winfrey.”

It’s on tape. You can listen to it here.


Not only did I write it, I wrote it the in early 1990s
when 30 years in the future was 2020!


I was JOKING!! I was trying to be FUNNY!  I thought that was all CRAZY stuff! Considering what’s been going on, maybe it’s not so crazy after all.

I wanted to make the future as funny and absurd as I could. I never thought I’d become “The Nostradamus of Nonsense.”

48 thoughts on “PUNCHLINES AND PROPHECIES – BY TOM CURLEY”

          1. All through my life I have seen and loved houses on the shores of rivers and lakes and oceans. But even in my very youngest years, I sort of had a grip on “live UP above the water, not right alongside it.” It was simple logic. I had seen — frequently — little puddles become lakes because of their low-lying position. We used to give them names because effectively, they were seasonal waterways. Lake Palermo (on Palermo Street) for example.

            So I want a house set up on a cliff with the water way down below … and either an elevator or a trolley like a ski run to get there and back. And stairs, too, because sometimes, walking is the thing. Never did I want to live right ON the water or below the running river.

            I didn’t know when we moved in here that our driveway had at one time been a seasonal brook, so we had a lot of fixing to do to get the water to run past us into the woods and that took about five years to finally get it working. That was an accident and I learned why houses on the down side of the ledge cost less. Live and learn.

            It is always better to live on high ground!!

            Liked by 2 people

      1. I hope Oprah and her supporters see this as a great launching pad — and pursue it properly 24/7. That’ll rattle the cages and fingers of the FIRST TWITTERER.

        As Spencer Tracy/Clarence Darrow says in “Inherit The Wind” …..’okay, we’ll play in your ballpark’.

        Liked by 2 people

  1. You might be more powerful than you realise… this could have been a self-fulfilling prophecy about to be realised in 2020! 😉

    And as for: “because if he’s done nothing else, Cheesy MacCheese Head has proved the old adage we were taught as children: “Anybody can grow up to be President.” ”

    The problem is you’re supposed to be a grown up TO be President which clearly the Child In Chief has not managed yet.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You know, you might be on to something. If we take the statement as fact, you have to grow up to be president. And he’s a child. If only these things could be decided by Judge Judy.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Bob, show a little respect. That’s President Shithole you’re discussing. It’s 1155am local as I write. He’s probably just up and having his breakfast executive cheeseburger meeting.

      Liked by 2 people

        1. Bingo, Bob! I actually got sidetracked with other stuff, including the Patriots beating The Tennessee Titans in playoff football. Didn’t watch any news. Mercy!

          Liked by 1 person

            1. Bob, it’s fun to get lost in sports. That’s why we watch, right? I was so caught up with the Football playoff games, especially the Hollywood, “HAIL MARY” victory for the Minnesota Vikings that I forgot about tuning in the nightly network news. A blessing.

              FYI: The Vikings, an underdog team, were trailing in a game they led up to the last 30 seconds. Their 2nd string quarterback, under immense pressure from the favored Pittsburgh defense, lobbed a long, last minute pass which was caught by a leaping receiver who came down with the ball, twisted through three guys and plunged in for the winning touchdown as time expired. Bob, this was genuinely exciting! The Minnesota Vikings are the “home team” for my two younger brothers who live in Northfield, Minnesota. And, Bob, Northfield is where they have that statue of Mary Tyler Moore aka “Mary Richards” tossing her beret into the air.

              YOU’RE GONNA MAKE IT AFTER ALL!!

              Liked by 1 person

              1. It’s moments like that (which you described perfectly – as an old Pro does!) that we long remember and relish and that make us forget all the times our side did something stupid! 🙂

                And i fully concur with the ‘blessing’ 😉

                Liked by 1 person

  2. You could do a lot worse than having Oprah for President. She wasn’t born with a silver spoon in her mouth and she knows how hard things are for a lot of people. She appears to have a sense of integrity and would be looking out for the little guy. I quite like her.
    Leslie

    Liked by 3 people

                1. I wasn’t actually kidding about the assumption that our senators and high electees would be wealthy. That’s what they wanted. Well-to-do landowners who would not be bribeable. I think they never imagined the degree or sheer GREED we’d have.

                  Liked by 1 person

      1. Pancho, they’d need a cleanup squad — Chris Christie, Ted Cruz, etc to mop up at FOX — all the dung from the exploding heads, false teeth, rat feces, etc.

        Like

Talk to me!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s