Someone asked a pastor with whom I am acquainted if he had any proof that praying on the Internet actually accomplished anything. He said “No. The prayer is really for you!” Still and all, the last time we went to church — a long time ago, I have to admit — this was pretty much the way it went.

Bring We In The Sheaves

PASTOR: “Praise the Lord!”

CONGREGATION: “Hallelujah!”

PASTOR: “Will everyone please turn on their tablet, PC, iPad, smart phone, and Kindle Bibles to 1 Corinthians, 13:13. Also, please switch on your Bluetooth to download the sermon.”

(P-a-u-s-e … )

PASTOR: “Now, Let us pray committing this week into God’s hands. Open your Apps, Twitter and Facebook, and chat with God”

(S-i-l-e-n-c-e … )

PASTOR: “As we take our Sunday tithes and offerings, please have your credit and debit cards ready. You can log on to the church WiFi using the password Lord-131. The ushers will circulate mobile card swipe machines among the worshipers. Those who prefer to make electronic fund transfers are directed to computers and laptops at the rear of the church. If you want to use your iPad, please open them. Those of you who use telephone banking, you can take out your cell phones to transfer contributions to the church account.”

(The holy atmosphere of the Church becomes electrified as smart phones, iPads, PCs and laptops beep and flicker.)


DEACON: Thank you all for being here today. Remember this week’s ministry meetings will be held on the various Facebook group pages where the usual group chatting takes place. Please log in and don’t miss out! Thursday’s Bible study will be held live on Skype at 19:00 GMT. Let’s see your face too! You can follow Pastor on Twitter this week #PastorCounsel for counseling and prayer.

God bless and have a great day.

I don’t know why, but we felt … out-of-place. And I forgot to bring my smart phone!

Author: Marilyn Armstrong

Writer, photography, blogger. Previously, technical writer. I am retired and delighted to be so. May I live long and write frequently.


  1. Hey, interesting! Yes…interesting. I’d go to church more often via the internet than the old fashion way. No more wailing about getting up early Sunday morning.

    Message and content would be the same. Just don’t have to fret about clothing, getting to church, dealing with small talk, etc.

    Yes, interesting.



  2. O … yes. I went to church when I was kid. Us six kids. Mom’s idea. Dad didn’t care.
    i’d sit in the pews and look around and I could see that this was good and right for all those folks.
    But not for me.
    I’ve always been interested in God and Spirituality, but I knew my path – my journey – was somewhere else.
    Eventually I started getting up really early on Sundays and leaving the house. Everybody would get up and say: “Where’s Jeremy??”
    Follow your heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m sorry, but this makes me laugh! Yes, a part of going to church weekly is the communion with God, but a large part of it is the fellowship between congregants. I agree that, at some point, everybody needs to leave technology behind and “JUST BE!”


    1. My theory is they couldn’t make people put down their phones, so they integrated them into the service. I understand the point, but I don’t have to LIKE it. And yes, it’s hilarious. It’s not supposed to BE funny, but it is.


  4. I was undecided if this was a joke or not. Churches actually do this now? I am not a church goer myself but I find that only marginally less disturbing than taking guns to church.


  5. I’m blown away on some levels and not surprised on others. The “church” has always included people and things to draw in a crowd and fill the sets. From celebrations to whatever the local folklore has to offer that might engender interest. I really have no time for organized religion, never have. I agree with Taswegian, it’s marginally less disturbing than taking guns to church, is that next?


    1. I think, depending on where you live, a lot of people go to church packing guns. If you consider how many ministries are based on TV and donating money by telephone to huge churches on television, it’s not much of a jump to using your own electronics in church. In fact, it really ISN’T a jump at all.


      1. No, I suppose not. I’m just nonpulsed by the whole thing. I picture somewhat earnest people listening to a preacher. Not like on tv, although some of those tv evangelist have me in stiches. I love the choirs – Whoopy did a great show on teachers and getting kids involved and I totally loved it. They are beautiful and delightful.


    2. Given what has been happening at a few churches other places of worship lately it would seem the idea of taking a gun to church is one who’s time has definitely come.

      As apparently is connecting to God and the ‘Repair The Church Roof Fund’ via your smartphone?

      Who says the Church doesn’t keep up with the times??? 😉

      I find it no less distrubing than texting while you are driving a two ton vehicle at 55 mph or everyone at the dinner table with their heads stuck in their facebook page or app.

      This is a very disturbing (and disturbed) world. 😦

      I predict it won’t end well.


      1. I have to agree. Texting and driving and texting while eating rocks my world. I get up and leave the table the first cell that comes out. Everyone gets the idea, I’m not pleased. Then it’s where you going? Somewhere to connect with real people! They’ve learned not to produce cells before the meal is done. And all said and done, it is a disturbing and disturbed world. And getting worse for all I can see.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I loved it, no problem. I don’t think the Swiss reform church is online yet. Can you now visit the church online, without actually being there. No more Hail Marys after the confession, just control R on your iPad and your sins disappear.


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