SHOCKED

SHOCKED


On the table. Recently cut into pieces and then stitched back up, I was officially in shock. Well, what do they expect is going to happen? They take all the critical parts of your body out, repair them, stick them back in. Nothing is working and everything hurts and I do mean everything, including parts that you weren’t aware were even in your body.

Doctors are incapable of admitting they cause actual pain.

“Pain” is what you felt before they got you on the table and repair you. Post-surgery, it’s called “surgical discomfort,” a thing that often requires massive amounts of ingested drugs, but is not “real” pain because they caused it.

So I was in shock, which happens when you are hit by a tsunami of post-surgical discomfort. I was also not entirely awake, not in any sense of the word which I understand. I’m told my dark side rose from my recumbent body and I tried to take down the nurse. With my fists.

The better part of valor parlayed and voted to put me back into a chemically induced coma.

Yup. Shock.

It sure was.

27 thoughts on “SHOCKED

  1. Martha Kennedy January 18, 2018 / 12:11 pm

    True except for an opthamologist I knew who, when asked by my friend if the laser surgery to repair retinal tears would hurt, the doc — a Vietnam Vet — replied, “You’re talking about pain. I’ve given pain.” I don’t know. It was kind of refreshing but also a little bizarre. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Marilyn Armstrong January 18, 2018 / 12:23 pm

      Every now and again, you meet a doctor who admits that surgical discomfort hurts. But they are mostly pain deniers. Most surgery isn’t all that bad, but spine surgery and heart are biggies and there’s no avoiding those. They are really BAD.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Martha Kennedy January 18, 2018 / 12:55 pm

        It’s taken me a while to admit that my reluctance to move forward with the hip surgery is that it hurts. I think their cowardly way of telling us this is by saying that once were off of pain meds we can drive

        Like

        • Marilyn Armstrong January 18, 2018 / 4:55 pm

          By the time I went in for the heart surgery, I’d already done spine and guts and both breasts … so I knew it was going to be BAD. My first husband died following this exact surgery. Alcohol and heart surgery — NOT a good combination. I REALLY didn’t want to do it. Eventually, Garry pretty much talked me into it. Because I was going to die if I didn’t do it. Slowly, but surely, and he didn’t want to be sitting there and holding my hand while I faded away.

          I probably would have eventually agreed anyway, but I knew it was going to be really bad. I had JUST recovered from the double mastectomy and it seemed cruel and unusual punishment to put me through another surgery. But I did it. Yeah, it’s bad, but you get through it and hopefully, it fixes whatever made you do it.

          I can’t even take the really good drugs because they make me horribly sick, which takes any possible fun out of the experience.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Embeecee January 18, 2018 / 12:31 pm

    I think any major surgery is a shock. I’ve had two artificial hips put in and remember waking up after the first one and wondering what the hell they did to me. It didn’t hurt (I was still pretty sedated), but some lack wit had left the drainage contraption right where I could see it. That shocked me worse than the feeling I had been horribly damaged somehow. I had never been a hospital (as a patient) for all my born days (except for tonsillitis) and nothing they could say would prepare you IMHO. And the pain comes. That’s why they allow a recovery period. So our dark sides can sink into the dark again and we can get on with life.

    Like

    • Marilyn Armstrong January 18, 2018 / 4:49 pm

      Yup. It’s not like you have a choice about recovering. Unless there’s something really wrong, you’ll recover, more or less, fast or slower … but you’ll heal. The hardest part is not letting yourself get so depressed that you don’t notice whether or not you are better. THAT was hard. Depression is one of the very common results of heart surgery and they actually warn you about it when you are still in the hospital. Apparently the depression CAN kill you.

      Like

    • Marilyn Armstrong January 18, 2018 / 4:47 pm

      You don’t get a choice, you know? You get the surgery or you die. AFTER you get the surgery, you are going to be really miserable and you don’t get a choice about that, either. But I’m alive.

      Like

      • Covert Novelist January 18, 2018 / 9:32 pm

        Yes, that is the up side to all of the suffering man made or otherwise. I for one am absolutely delighted you are here. You are a treasure and I have found you a pleasure to follow and interact with. Sincerely 🙂

        Like

        • Marilyn Armstrong January 18, 2018 / 9:59 pm

          Well, despite life not being like it used to be, I’m still glad to be part of it. Or, as the guy on Blue Bloods said, “Better to explain to 12 people than be carried by six.”

          Like

          • Covert Novelist January 19, 2018 / 12:10 am

            lmao. I love that show. Always been a Tom Selleck (sp?) fan. but I love the interaction in the family scene.

            Like

  3. Tish Farrell January 18, 2018 / 12:50 pm

    I feel shocked reading about your surgery. It was an all out assault. But you OVERCAME.

    Like

    • Marilyn Armstrong January 18, 2018 / 4:46 pm

      You don’t overcome because you don’t have a choice. What are you going to do? You get better or you … what? So, I survived, like everyone else does. Trust me, if there had been ANY other choice, I wouldn’t have done it. I REALLY didn’t want to.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. angloswiss January 18, 2018 / 1:08 pm

    Your surgery is naturally very serious and takes a lot of time and pain to recover. I was knocked out for 7 hours and when I awoke I was missing an appendix (it was in the way), my twin brother or sister that never got a chance to grow and was just a mass of growing cells (teratom) and my uterus (also a problem) but I was not in great pain, just miserable. My biggest problem was the anaesthetic and always is. I feel so bad after an operation, but a couple of days later the effects disappear. I was left with an interesting scar on my stomach.

    Like

    • Marilyn Armstrong January 18, 2018 / 4:45 pm

      I didn’t find stomach surgery all that bad. Miserable, absolutely and I also suffer from anesthesia sickness and they always dope me up on narcotics to which I’m allergic. But if I can just hang in there, it will get better rather suddenly. I think it takes a while for things to heal, but once they DO heal, you improve fast. My heart stuff was much slower and because the bones never healed, I will probably never be entirely healed. Bones and cartilage that won’t heal seems to be one of the hazards of late life surgery. When I was younger, I healed VERY quickly. Now, not hardly.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. BeckiesMentalMess.wordpress.com January 18, 2018 / 1:53 pm

    OMG! this sounds like what my roommate is going through, the poor dear. She was in discomfort prior to her surgery, now she is in worst pain than ever. Granted, she has a 6 wk recovery period, but it is now 2 weeks, and she is no better than the first day.
    Gee, I can’t understand why I’m scared of knee replacement surgery.

    Like

    • Marilyn Armstrong January 18, 2018 / 4:41 pm

      Recovery is not an even experience. You’re miserable and miserable and miserable then one morning, you wake up and you are MUCH better. Than, another week, and you are REALLY much better. It happens in leaps and jumps. Tell her to hang on in there. It gets better suddenly, literally overnight.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. swo8 January 18, 2018 / 7:24 pm

    That was a rough time for Marilyn.
    Beautiful photo there.
    Leslei

    Like

      • swo8 January 19, 2018 / 10:48 am

        You are very much alive and that is a good thing.

        Like

  7. Ruth January 19, 2018 / 1:48 am

    I hope your discomfort is less and less as each hour passes. Your description of what you experienced so astute. Ouch. Garry doesn’t want you to leave him. Here’s to much more treasured time together.

    Like

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