FUN WITH FAKE NEWS! – BY TOM CURLEY

This story just in from AP, UPI, Reuters, CBS, NBC, ABC, the Onion and other major news outlets.


Mass Resignations at White House.

2/23/2018

In a stunning development today, the entire White House staff has resigned including all senior and junior aides, as well as the entire domestic and administrative staff. A letter was sent to the President and released to the press stating, “We the undersigned employees, aides and staff of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue hereby resign, effective immediately. Our reasons, which are diverse, basically come down to, we just can’t take it anymore.”

Reporters immediately got statements from many staff members, who, in breaking from normal procedure, did not ask to be quoted anonymously. According to one staffer, “Who the hell cares? It’s not as if any of us work there anymore.”

The White House Switchboard is closed. Reporters trying to call it received the following message. “You’ve reached the White House. Don’t bother to leave a message. We’re all out and we ain’t coming back.”

The resignations include most of the President’s cabinet. EPA Secretary Scott Pruit was quoted as saying, “If I can’t fly first class, I quit.”

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson told reporters, “I actually stopped doing anything a few months ago. I spend most of the day watching Judge Judy and reruns of Madame Secretary.”

Attorney General Jeff Sessions was unable to be reached for comment. According to his spokesperson, “He’s gone back to his tree to make cookies”.

Secretary of Energy Rick Perry and Secretary of Housing Ben Carson could also not be reached for comment. Mr. Perry still can’t remember which department he works for or where it is. Mr. Carson was asleep.

The Secretary of Defense is staying on the job, mostly to, quote: “Keep that fucking moron away from the nuclear codes.”

The White House counsel Don McGahn was heard to say, “Hell, Perry Mason couldn’t keep this clown out of jail. I’m out.”

The staff is reported to have done several things before they departed. According to one source, “We took the labels off all the light switches. And the guy who handles the nuclear football replaced it with a suitcase containing a Remco Radar Rocket Cannon. He’ll never know the difference.”

The housekeeping staff is reported to have short-sheeted Trump’s bed, put shaving cream on the earpiece of the phone in the Oval Office, and nailed all the furniture in the Lincoln bedroom to the ceiling.

The head White House Chef was quoted as saying, “I’ve had it. I give up. I mean, I’m a 4 Star Michelin chef for Christ’s sake! And all I do is pour ketchup over burnt steaks! I once served him a gourmet hamburger that won a James Beard award. And do you know what he did? He threw it away and asked me to send out for McDonalds! McDONALDS! Are you kidding me?? Fuck him! I’m out.”

Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump could not be reached for comment. They’re skiing in Colorado. Neither Donald Jr. or Eric Trump were asked for comments. None of the press outlets were interested in anything they had to say.

The formal resignation letter was delivered to the President’s desk at 9 AM. By noon, all the West Wing offices were vacant. The only remaining personnel are Steve Miller, Sarah Huckabee Sanders and Hope Hicks. According to Hicks, “somebody has to steam the President’s pants.”  Miller was reportedly seen behind the White House pulling the wings off of small helpless insects. At 2 pm Sanders gave a press briefing to an empty White House press room.

According to a senior White House Correspondent, “Quite frankly, everything that comes out of her mouth is bullshit. So why bother? We just don’t care anymore.”

It has not been confirmed whether or not the President has seen the actual letter yet. It was reported on Fox News during one of the President’s “Executive Time-outs.” So far the President has only released one tweet: “Failing fake news says my whole staff quit! FAKE NEWS! SAD! All Hillary’s fault. Lock her up! NO COLLUSION!”

Special Counsel Robert Mueller is, however, still on the job

This is an ongoing story. Updates to follow.

-0-


Hey, it could happen.

Feel free to pass this along on all social media outlets.

Fake news. It’s not just for Russians anymore!

26 thoughts on “FUN WITH FAKE NEWS! – BY TOM CURLEY”

  1. Garry spent the day ranting about how much he hates Trump. Garry never hates ANYONE, but he really hates trump. It was the “I’d run into the building without a weapon” that finished him off. Garry has some strong feelings about serving his country. Like most people who actually did, he doesn’t talk about it much, but “cocktail heroes” gravel his ass.

    So we wait for the big day when they all leave in handcuffs. We wait. We hope. We yearn.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m having a hard time picking Fake News from the real news these days…. i thought the story about the guy who was being paid to stop what happened in Parkland from happening and who stayed outside while the shots could be heard inside was fake! What would i know?

    Could we have another video of ‘Dog’s got your nose’ please?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. True! (well, most dogs and most people!) 😉

        Want an easy way to post video on WP?

        Your camera takes .mpeg or .avi vids – right?

        Take the short video, save the file to a folder on your pc, upload it to youtube (a straightforward process!), then copy the youtube shortlink and stick it anywhere in your post you want! No need to do any special edit/coding!

        Voila – easy vid post. 🙂

        That’s how i put my wagtail birdbath video in my first ‘Bath Time’ post. (after the still pics!)

        Like

          1. I think you need to open a youtube account? But that’s pretty basic and takes around 2 minutes. Uploading the video takes around the same. I’m sure you’ll do it easily. You might even decide to start a Serendipity youtube ‘channel’ and have videos up for the world to wonder at! 🙂

            Like

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