SLAUGHTER AT FURRY TOY PASS – MARILYN & GARRY ARMSTRONG

A cautionary tale for lovers of stuffed, furry toys
– and dawgz!


 Story by Garry Armstrong

Photography by Marilyn Armstrong


No one wants to talk about that dreadful, dark day in history. It was a day of senseless violence — as opposed to those many other more sensible violent periods. The massacre was perpetrated on an innocent, unsuspecting civilian population. The blemish on our national reverence for furry creatures with embedded squeakers can never be erased.

Squirrel was the first -- but hardly the last -- casualty.

Squirrel was the first — but hardly the last — casualty.

We treasure stories about children playing with teddy bears. We sing lullabies about cuddly, soft animals who live in the sense memories of our innocent kid years.

We should have seen it coming

We should have seen it coming

But, now there’s a darker, more murky chapter. It’s about our Scotties, Bonnie and Gibbs. A bloody chapter about the ambush at Furry Toys Pass!!

There’s no forgetting the innocence of the furry victims. Mr. Rabbit, the Hedge Hog brothers. Cousin Squirrel, and Yellow Beaky Kid. They lived their lives in quiet solitude, in a hidden valley that promised safety from marauding Scotties.

Bonnie has broken through! Security breached! Alarms sounding!

Bonnie has broken through! Security breached! Alarms sounding!

Security was heightened as new members joined the furry family.  But the Scotties had a mole who leaked information to them about what should have been The Safe House. Danger was near. No one fully appreciated the depth of the Wrath of the Scotties.

With fang and claw, Gibbs is first to attack!

With fang and claw, Gibbs is first to attack!

Deception was a key part to Bonnie and Gibbs game plan. They appeared quiet and serene, maybe nothing but biscuits on their mind. We were lulled into a false sense of security. The Furry Kids were left alone and vulnerable in the pass that led to a box canyon and the badlands.

it's a trap, a trick, a feint!

it’s a trap, a trick, a feint!

In a flash, Bonnie and Gibbs made their move!! We couldn’t believe what happened. Mr. Squirrel!! The Hedge Hogs, The Soggy Doggy and Yellow Beaky Kid — all snatched in cruel jaws before we could move to save them. We couldn’t keep up with Bonnie and Gibbs as they swooped in for their prey.

Back up troops were too far away. Bonnie and Gibbs had taken over Furry Toys Pass!!

We’re now waiting for a dispatch from Reuters to see if  Bonnie and Gibbs will consider a diplomatic trade-off for the lives of their furry hostages. The Scotties are adamant in their demands. They want a huge payoff. BIG biscuits, none of those wimpy, small brittle things that melt in their paws.

Garry tried negotiations, but the Scottish Terrorists remain obdurate!

Garry tried negotiations, but the Scottish Terrorists remain obdurate!

We’re not sure if we can save the furry kids from prison time. Too many treaties have been broken, too many treats consumed. Too many casualties with holes in their furry bodies, squeakers mashed to groans. Too much hours spent stitching and mending. Too many colors of thread needed — and too many needles.

The Old Man was right about those Scotties. They are bad.

Bad to the Bone!!


A final note: With the addition of Duke the Dogge, crazed killer from east of Uxbridge, all that remains are carcasses. Yesterday, new carcasses arrived as well as three new squeaky balls and a dozen low-bounce tennis balls. The bodies of the soon to be demolished are hanging on the door of the microwave. Their days are coming.



Categories: dogs, Fiction, Garry Armstrong, Humor, Photography, Scottish Terrier, story

Tags: , , , , , , ,

35 replies

  1. This was great! Loved the drama and had a nice laugh. Well done.

    Like

  2. Awesome story telling! I have never been around dogs, but looks like it is a lot of fun to watch them destroy the defenseless stuffed toys 🙂

    The bear reminded me of Lotso, and now I want to go watch the less gruesome but somewhat scary ‘toy story’ 🙂

    Like

  3. Thank you for re-blog.

    Like

  4. Why must it always be the Innocents that get it?

    Oh the humanity!

    Like

  5. Dogs can be nasty beasts, for sure. I tell all family members not to buy stuffed animals for Puppy Cody because it takes her all of 2 minutes to eviscerate even the toughest toy. But she gets those toys anyway because it’s so much fun watching her destroy them, and she’s so happy after. Some of the plastic Kong toys survive, but Cody really likes the soft toys with stuffing and squeakers that can be pulled out.

    Like

    • Our kids don’t like the hard toys either. They want to nuzzle them, then kill them deader than dead. But the good news? They like to play with what’s left of the carcasses for months. We’ve got pieces of dead furries everywhere. It’s hard to tell what they used to be, but the dogs know. They ALWAYS know …

      Liked by 1 person

  6. We had a similar massacre earlier this evening. ^_^

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  7. Poor widdle furries 😦

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  8. The scotties are just up to their “war games”. They’re practicing in case some real bad dude tries to harm you.

    Like

  9. Just a couple weeks ago I saw a co-worker cleaning out his shed…he has several young children….I saw about seven or eight stuffed animals going into the garbage. He owns a lab mix dog, which are usually human friendly, but this one got agitated enough to bite his twelve year old girl in the lip. It required several stitches to close the hanging lip. I try to be man’s best friend with a cuddly personality, but it can be very difficult.

    Like

    • Although I’m not necessarily in favor of disposing dogs that bite, a serious bite certainly should mean that particular pet might be better served in a house without small kids. I’ve had dogs nip my granddaughter, but she was teasing them and they didn’t savage her — they just warned her they way a mother dog would warn one of their own young. It happened once, the child learned NOT to tease THAT dog, anyway and 10 years later, she’s still happily with us. But she didn’t do more than nip a warning. I think I might have rethought my position with stitches. I suppose it depends on your relationships with both canine and child … Humans are very strange beasts.

      Like

  10. There’s a squirrel in a grass skirt and wearing coconuts on her tits that I’m hoping to get ahold of later. Alwys, Polar Bear Yeti T. Dog

    Like

    • I have faith you, PBYT Dog. Don’t let the bastards take you down!

      Liked by 1 person

      • “Martha won’t put it down on the floor. This is the problem.”

        That’s because PBYTD takes them outside and doesn’t shred them, just leaves them in the dirt.

        “They’re my toys.”

        As my mom would say, PBYTD, that is beside the point. 😀

        Like

        • Yes. The mud. The snow. The rain. The filth.

          They had a whole PILE of toys. Now, they are too disgusting to even pick up and bring in for cleansing. YECH. We have three new non-stuffed carcass-like toys with squeakers — as well as three squeaky balls and a whole dozen non-squeaky balls.

          The squeakers will last 1/8 of a second until Gibbs chomps them dead, and two more minutes before one of them drags them out through the doggie door into the horrible yard. One more victim to the violence of dogs and New England weather.

          Like

          • Bear dug a hole for her toys today. Then took a nap. 😀

            Liked by 1 person

            • Ours dig holes and roll in them. THEN they take a nap.

              Liked by 2 people

              • Bear digs holes and lies in them with a toy unless she takes a nap and forgets. It’s not like she doesn’t plan. For all I know the hole just doesn’t cut it for toy burying. Dusty doesn’t do anything with toys, but he really prefers being near Bear. I’m so glad. I thought he would never get over losing his Lily, but he adores his Bear.

                Like

                • Gibbs look vicious with them, but he actually just likes killing the squeaker. After that, it’s just cuddling. Bonnie is a serious killer. Duke is actually less a killer than a thief. HE is the one who drags them outside. The Scotties are diggers but they are terriers. That’s what they do. They love dirt.

                  Liked by 1 person

                  • Bear takes naps with everything she kills. Boxes, plastic bottles, eviscerated toys. I’m so glad the neighbor squirrel got the news that this is a bad place to hang around. One of my huskies (Jasmine) got a ground squirrel. I’ll look for the photo. It’s hilarious. The squirrel looks like something from Disney with a little oak leaf in his “hands” and his eyes closed, and Jasmine has him by the scruff of the neck and has a wild, wanton look in her eye. Later she puked him up in the kitchen, but it was her big day and who was I to deny her the right to her prey? Out there the squeaky toys were alive… :O

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                    • Our little Norwich Terrier Divot actually killed a mockingbird. That bird had been sitting on the railing of our front porch sneering at the dogs, then hung on the wire overhead when i walked them. Shouting what I believe were bad words. I don’t understand bird, but they sounded insulting to me.

                      Mockingbirds can be really annoying.

                      One day, the bird landed in the garden and Divot got that bird. One snap, then she passed the bird to her PBGV hound companion, Pagan, and they came home where Big Guy, the cat was hanging on the screen … with me trying to extract the bird from Pagan’s jaws. A hound can REALLY hold on to a bird — yet not crush it. What a team. I know you’re not supposed to kill mockingbirds ’cause i read the book too, but no one told Divot. Or Pagan. Or, for that matter, Big Guy. They were really glad to see the end of that bird.

                      Liked by 1 person

  11. Can’t wait for the next instalment. Somewhere a forgotten one of the furry kind has survived and will pounce. suffocating the scotties in clouds of fluff

    Like

  12. Shudda gotten an Oscar nod. Best live action.

    Like

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  1. WPC: A Story in Pictures | Lillie-Put

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