A PORN STAR, A PLAYMATE, A PLAINTIFF AND A GUY NAMED PECKER WALK INTO A BAR – BY TOM CURLEY

EDITOR’S NOTE: Stormy Daniels has a 1-hour interview scheduled on CBS this evening — 60 Minutes with Anderson Cooper — at 7 PM. It’s the real deal show! Trump wanted his own show, and now, he’s getting it! Maybe not exactly how he planned it. 

And the bartender says “What is this? Some kind of joke?”

The answer is, yes and no. It’s not a joke. It’s reality. In so far as reality has become a bigger and bigger joke these days, it is a joke. And the bar they walked into wasn’t a ‘bar’ bar. It was a legal bar.

So, what’s the joke? The president is suing a porn star, Stormy Daniels, because she broke a Non-Disclosure Agreement for talking about an affair the President insists never happened.

I’ve never met this woman!

He’s basically saying: “I did not have an affair with that person to whom I paid $130,000 to not talk about the affair we had.”

What’s the other joke? A former Playboy Playmate, Karen McDougal, is suing The National Enquirer because they bought an interview from her detailing the affair she had with the President.

I’ve never met this woman either!

They silenced her by simply not running the story. The punchline here? The guy who killed the story is named Pecker.

The jokes are the news.

There’s also a plaintiff, Summer Zervos, who is suing the President for defamation of character.

But that’s not funny. Not all news is funny.

I don’t think the news is supposed to be funny. These days, more and more of the news is funny. Absurdly funny. Or possibly ridiculous. Is there a difference? “You can’t make this shit up.”

How many times have we heard that phrase recently?News and comedy are becoming one.

Where do you get your news? The CBS Evening News or Stephen Colbert? The ABC Evening News or Jimmy Kimmel? CNN or The Daily Show?

I usually choose the latter because I get the same raw information, just with jokes. These days you get the jokes more and more just from reading the news.

When I worked on network news shows at CBS, we would have monitors showing the other networks. As you’d expect, all the shows did all the same stories in roughly the same order. Makes sense. These days, I notice the same stories on all the late night comedy shows too. The comedians all tell pretty much the same jokes in pretty much the same order. The thing is, they all thought the jokes up separately. But since the story is the same, they come up with the same jokes.

It’s just the news.

Comedy and news are becoming one.

I know I’m going to laugh when I watch The Daily Show. I expect to laugh. I’m getting the same laughs from CNN and MSNBC. Who are not trying to be funny! They are merely reading the news!

“Hey, did you see Wolf Blitzer last night? He killed!” I didn’t make up the title of this blog. I saw it on TV. Which late night show? None of them. It was a pundit on CNN, Ana Navarro, who said it.

I’m here through Thursday. Try the veal!
Comedy-and-news-are-becoming-one.

That’s not what’s really worrying me. What happens when they separate? When comedy and news split and become two separate things? What happens when the news isn’t funny anymore?

Our current clown show reality has a shelf life. It can’t go on forever. It will just seem like forever. 

What happens after a sane, boring President is elected — and there are no more daily scandals, screw-ups, and shit-storms? No more crazy tweets? No more porn stars, playmates, plaintiffs, and guys named Pecker? The news will continue, but what about all the poor comedians, comedy writers, bloggers, and columnists? They will have to go back to writing jokes again.

They will be forced to think up funny stuff on their own! Our comedic muscles are atrophying! I can feel it. What can we do about it? Are there special comedic exercises? Should we fill in Mad Libs? Improv?

Sure, we could, but why bother? We can’t top reality. We can’t make this shit up.

When that time comes, we’ll all just have to buckle up and get back to work — making up jokes. When that time comes, I think I’ve got a good one.

Picture of Mr. Pecker not included.

A porn-star, a plaintiff,  a playmate and a guy named Pecker walk into bar …

Too soon?

21 thoughts on “A PORN STAR, A PLAYMATE, A PLAINTIFF AND A GUY NAMED PECKER WALK INTO A BAR – BY TOM CURLEY”

    1. I’m cleaning my glasses so I have a clear view of tonight’s “Stormy Sixty Minutes”.

      Will she do lap dances for the guys? Mike Wallace wudda loved this one.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. What I find interesting is that recently the orange one is replacing all of his top people with Fox News pundits. He tried to pretend he was a real president, now he is proving he is just some sick reality show. (CNN says that he is doing it because these people know how to use propaganda to stir up the base. “Propaganda” was my word, not CNN’s, but they said the same thing.)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Trent, I am kidnapping your “The Orange One” label. It’s refreshing.

      Will he see Orange when Stormy dances on “Sixty Minutes”tonight?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve given up on ‘news’. I was a child when real news, the kind that made a difference, died. Yellow journalism was what I saw as a young adult, and now …. well what’s going on in the world is not funny and the lack of sober real news sickens me. So I’ve stopped paying attention. Maybe that makes me an ostrich, but I’m an ostrich without an ulcer. I was well on my way to growing a massive one when I stopped watching the news. Your piece is brilliant, but is a very sad and ominous treatise on the future. So who is going to push that celebrated red button first? The clown or the mad man?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. “An Ostrich without an ulcer”. That’s very good, Emb.

      The student activists — rallying against guns — are trying to awaken their Ostrich parents and relatives.

      I’m with them!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. A billionaire sleeping with a porn star and/or playmate 30 years his junior while married to another similarly aged kid?

    That’s not news anymore – not even if the billionaire also happens to have gotten himself elected President of the US of A.

    Leader of ‘free world’ congratulating the President of Communist regime for winning a corrupt election in which his main rival was jailed and prevented from running against him? Ho-Hum business as usual.

    Said billionaire getting photographed shooting someone in the middle of 5th Avenue. News? – merely keeping a campaign promise, not ‘news’.

    Turning the Oval Office into the latest series of The Apprentice – “You’re Fired!”? Commonplace nowadays – Needs to be bigger to be ‘News’.

    Trump is doing his level best to ensure we all get a case of ‘I refuse to keep on getting even more outraged on a daily basis’-itis so we just become numbed to his lunacy and go pay attention to something shiny somewhere else.

    I think it’s working, mostly.

    “I’m here thru Thursday, try the Veal” – You’re killin’ me here. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I dreamed about this last night. I woke up talking to myself and I was saying ‘I can’t afford to rant about everything that happens’ — which alerted the dogs to my not being asleep, so I was explaining how the state of the world was indeed becoming a kind of dull numbness and the dogs were clawing the door for some treats.

      I think the dogs would also like the veal.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. It’s like Trump has taken all the worst parts of every presidency, thrown in a demented version of Bozo, eliminated education and dedication and we’ve got … what? What IS that we’ve got? It’s not a presidency. It’s a “thing.”

        Like

      2. That is the sad thing. The presidency — Its legacy — will never be the same.

        Parents may choke a little when telling their children, “Dare to dream. You can be ANYTHING…..even the President of the United States…aaarrgghh”

        Like

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