THE TOILET SEAT
TOM – I know. I did it on purpose.
ME – What? Why would you do that?
TOM – Easy. Because I knew I was going to have to blow my nose after I took my shower.
ME – What does that have to do with anything?
TOM – Because if I wait to flush until after I’ve blown my nose, I only have to flush once, instead of twice. I’m saving water.
ME – Why don’t you put the seat down and flush after you use the toilet. Then throw your used tissue into the wastebasket.
TOM – (SILENCE)
TOM – Why do you leave used paper towels lying around in the kitchen? Why don’t you throw them out?
ME – Because I can use them again. I’m saving paper.
TOM – You can’t use paper towels over again! That’s the whole point of DISPOSABLE paper towels. They’re disposable!
ME – That’s ridiculous! You can use regular towels again if they’re not too dirty. So why can’t you do the same with paper towels?
TOM – Because I don’t want to have to look at dirty paper towels on the kitchen counter.
ME – Okay. I’ll hide them so you don’t have to look at them.
TOM – I guess that works.
ME – (Sigh) Now I just have to remember where I put them.
ME – Tom, please take the garbage out. The bag is overflowing, as usual.
TOM – Damn it! I hate dealing with these overstuffed garbage bags! Garbage is falling out everywhere! This is ridiculous.
ME – Then why don’t you just empty the garbage one of the first three times I ask you to. BEFORE it starts to overflow.
TOM – Where’s the challenge in that?