A BLOG ABOUT NOTHING – BY TOM CURLEY

I haven’t written a blog in quite a while. For this I apologize. Or, depending how you like or dislike my blogs, you’re welcome. I’m been trying to figure out why I haven’t written anything lately. I don’t have writers block. I’ve had that before.

This is different. There are dozens of things a day that I either read about or watch on the news that would normally drive me to a blog. The problem is, any of the things I see that normally drives me to write a blog doesn’t work because I’ve already written a blog about it!

The president is nuts.  Done that. More than once.

Our reality can’t possibly be real. Done that. More than once.

The president is really, really nuts. Really done that. Really a whole bunch of times.

I mean, why write about the same thing I wrote about a year ago? It’s still as current now as it was then. Just repost the old blog.  That’s not writing. That’s clerical work. I need staff. I need people. “My people will call your people. They’ll do lunch.”

Then I thought, I’ll just write a blog about nothing. It worked for Seinfeld. That was a show about nothing.

But then I realized, it wasn’t a show about nothing. Every episode was about something! It was just a good marketing slogan that seemed to make sense. Unless you thought about it.

So, I’m right back where I started. I can’t write a blog about nothing because in order to write a blog about nothing I’d have to write a blog about something. And I got nothing. (Yeah, I know, it’s grammatically correct to say, “I’ve got nothing”, but lets’ get real. Nobody talks like that).

Then I thought, I could go through my notes! I try to write down ideas for blogs as soon as I think of them. Mostly because if I don’t, they’re gone in about 15 seconds. Most fall into the following three categories.

1 – Bad.
2 – Really bad.
3 – Oh my God, how much was I smoking when I wrote that?

But, I also get a lot of ideas that actually turn into blogs. So, I took out my notes.

Here’s one I jotted down on April 30th, 2018 – “Everything new is old again.”

My first thought when I read this was “that was definitely a category 3”. But then I realized it basically says the same thing as “Everything old is new again.”

It’s just a much more pessimistic way of saying it. Interesting, but no blog there.

Let’s see what else I’ve got. On April 18th, 2018  I wrote – “Women are taking over. Lysistrata 2.0. Enough is enough.”

Hmmm. It’s worked before. Lysistrata is a comedy by the Greek author Aristophanes. In it, the women of Greece put an end to the Peloponnesian War by denying sex to their spouses until they stop fighting. It worked.

Lysistrata 2.0 “You’re sleeping on the couch!”

Today, there’s the “Me Too” movement, the “Times Up” movement and the fact that record numbers of women are running for office and they’re winning.  Women, this is  a tool you’ve always had in your toolbox . And IT REALLY WORKS! It could be the next big movement. Lysistrata 2.0!  Think of the signs and slogans you can make!

“Deny your husbands dicks until they stop being pricks.”

It worked in ancient Greece. It’ll work today. But is that whole blog? I don’t know. Maybe.

What else do I have?

On Jan. 25th, 2018 I jotted this down.

“Trump is depressing and destroying real conspiracy groups with all his ridiculous conspiracies. Groups like the Illuminati, The Templars and the Tri-Lateral Commission are freaking out. Trump is way, way weirder then they are.

TEMPLARS: WTF! We’ve been plotting to rule the world and do evil things since the frigging Middle Ages! And this guy blows us out of the water in one fucking year????? Hmmm, again, probably true, but not a blog.

Anything else? Let’s see, there’s a whole bunch more here. But they all turned into actual blogs. Oh wait. Here’s one from Jan 5th, 2018.

“I want to write about new things, but I can’t. I’ve already written it. It’s not Groundhog Day. It’s Groundhog year.

I was surprised to read that. I forgot I wrote it. I only found  it in the middle of writing this blog. Great. Here I thought I had an original idea for a blog only to realize I had the idea months ago.

Damn you, category 3.

Anything else? Nope. That was it. I got nothing.

A blog about nothing.

Isn’t that something?



Categories: Blogging, Humor, Tom Curley, Writing

Tags: , , , , ,

8 replies

  1. Smiling, but also sighing with you. I so know the feeling…. And just reading about ‘groundhog day’ (a long time ago), a ‘day’ I knew strictly nothing about and not owning a TV and not living in the US, anyway…. I digress. Just reading your
    “I want to write about new things, but I can’t. I’ve already written it. It’s not Groundhog Day. It’s Groundhog year.
    made me chuckle… I bought the DVD in England and watched it – and I was quite disappointed. Sometimes we just don’t have the same sens of humour, mine is closer (v.close) to the British humour but even being married to a French spoken Swiss and being a German spoken Swiss myself, we live on different planets with regards to the conception of humour! There, I’ve given you a theme for a post 🙂
    Thank me later…. 😉

    Like

    • I get a lot of ideas from TV shows, late night comedy, and weird news — and today ALL news is weird. Yesterday was too weird even for this world. And I had to laugh: the first thing they said when they opened the news was — in HUGE print — REBOOT YOUR ROUTER. And I was thinking of all those people who don’t have a clue what a router is or how to reboot it. Mind you, it’s the most mindless of all computer related tasks … but when you know nothing, even silly things are a big deal.

      Ever since I started in the tech biz long, long ago, I’ve made it my job to get acquainted with my software and hardware. I hate being helpless. I don’t do hardware — I’m too clumsy for that — but within the limits of my abilities, I’m always trying to figure out how things work. Not for anyone else. For ME.

      Like

  2. I’ve been in your shoes and I took the somewhat deep (well deeper than I aspire to be, any road) words of Stephen King in his non-fiction work “Writing” (or whatever the title IS, I never can remember)….if one just starts typing, eventually something will come of it. A nod to “JSW or Just Start Writing” prompts and tickles on here. Of course, sometimes all that typing gets you is sore fingers and wrists and a category 3 effort. Although I don’t smoke. I have to wonder how much cola I’ve consumed though…was I on a sugar ‘high’ instead?? Your blog was perfect. A perfect topic. Writing about nothing might always (perhaps) gain us SOMETHING..

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks. I’ve always found if you just start typing more often then not, something interesting will come out. I did a comedy show in college. One week I had nothing for that weeks show. I was freaking out. I’d written every funny thing I could ever write. So I looked at the blank page in the typewriter and said to myself “ just type one word”. And I did. For the next half hour I watched myself type a whole script. I made no rewrites. I recorded it in one take. It was one of the best bits we ever did. My engineer was a guy named Simon Hawke who went on to become a very successful science fiction and fantasy author. He noted to me on Facebook a while ago how he still remembered that piece and how good it was. High praise..

      Like

  3. Pancho, this reminds me of my working days when assigned the “de jour story”. murder, fire, perversion, etc. You’ve done it so many times. How do you make it “breathe”? Once, I did a drive by shooting piece with 2 or 3 collateral victims, screaming neighbors and stoic cops. I was tempted to lay in “I must’ve done something good” from “Sound of Music”. I wanted to use “Nothing comes from nothing, nothing ever could” up full as body bags were carried out. In the middle of my twisted thoughts, a woman grabbed my arm, pleading “My son is a good boy. He was turning his life around”. I took a deep breath, winced and junked “The Sound of Music”.

    Nothing comes from nothing. He was a good boy. Everyone liked him. Nothing ever could. Somewhere in my life and childhood, I must’ve done something good…this street is plunged into deep melancholy over the latest act of senseless violence……….I must’ve done something gooooooood.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You made me laugh if that is any consolation.

    Liked by 1 person

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