CHANGING THE PAST – BY ELLIN CURLEY

This blog was the first blog I wrote and published on Serendipity in November of 2015. I have written a large number of blogs since then, many of them recounting personal stories from my own life as well as the lives of my family members.

Rereading it in January of 2018, I realize that it is a fitting epilogue to the Family History in Blogs that I have set out to write. It brings my story full circle. It expresses where I am after having spent so much time delving into my own life and the lives of other loved ones.


Folder for my Family History In Blogs

Here is the editorial conclusion to my opus of family lore and expression of family love:

 I’ve always been fascinated by the concept of time travel. I’m particularly fond of the fantasy of going back in time, knowing what you know now, and changing some pivotal moment in your past. I used to wish fervently for this fantasy to become a reality so I could undo some of my Top 10 “mistakes” and bad judgment calls. Many of those involved my first husband – like deciding to marry him and deciding, multiple times, to stay with him rather than leave.

Time machine, from “The Time Machine”

I’m a logical person, so the problem with this fantasy is that I have to be willing to accept all the drastic changes in my time line that would naturally flow from my new and improved choices.

The major change that comes to mind, if I didn’t marry my ex at all, is that I would no longer have my children. I can’t imagine life without them, so, scratch that option. If I had left him after I’d had my kids, my life still would have changed so dramatically the odds of my meeting my current husband are essentially nil.

I’m not prepared to give him up. He’s the best piece of luck I’ve ever had and the best decision I’ve ever made.

Family portrait from 1993

This means that I have reached a point in my life that I never thought I’d get to. I’m at peace with my whole life, knowing that all the crap I went through led me to where I am now. It also made me into who I am now.

My husband and I often discuss the fact that without the angst in both of our pasts we might not have appreciated each other when we did meet. And we’re pretty sure that we would not have gotten along well if we had, somehow, met when we were both young.

Tom and me last year

The result of all this philosophizing is that I don’t wish my past away anymore. I wish it had been easier and had left fewer scars, but I’m totally content with where I am now. So if I had to pay a high price to get to this place, so be it. It was worth it.

AMEN!

10 thoughts on “CHANGING THE PAST – BY ELLIN CURLEY”

    1. The theme of many time travel books and shows, is that you have to be careful if you try to change the past. If you change one thing, all kinds of unintended things change as well. It’s a case of be careful what you wish for. You never know what else you will be changing.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. You can’t look back at your past and consider your mistakes, as you said, and as you know, those experiences are what brought you to now and your are exceedingly blessed in your now.
    Leslie

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    1. I wish I had known where I would land when I was going through all those bad times earlier in life. It would have been easier to deal with if I had known that I would end up in a very good place. Sometimes Tom and I wonder how we survived what we lived through all those years ago. We couldn’t do it now. But I guess that’s the point. We are who we are today because, in part, of those awful times in the past. We are stronger and wiser now and wouldn’t put up with the same shit we did when we were younger.

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  2. I write my days and my weeks because memories are important, but so is now. I wish I’d been doing this kind of writing for a lot more years, but work and family and all that stuff got in the way. The past is sweet, but the future is our present forever rolling past.

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    1. Marilyn, It’s so nice to see friends like you doing what you were meant to do and enjoying it. You have been writing your whole life and now you are finally doing the kind of writing you are uniquely suited for.

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  3. Ellin, you’ve come a far piece in your life and your blogs. CONGRATULATIONS.

    May you have joy, love, good health and sanity in the rest of your journey.

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    1. Garry- Thank you! It is interesting to see how far I have come in blog writing as well as in fulfilling my life long desire to write. Thanks to you and Marilyn, I have this wonderful opportunity to write as often as I want to about anything I want to. It’s been a wonderful learning experience. I never thought I could come up with so many topics to write about. I was afraid I’d get writer’s block – which I never have. I have grown so much as a writer and as a person. Thank you for the opportunity of a lifetime!

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      1. It has been a genuine pleasure watching your develop — and so FAST! You accomplished in a year what a lot of people never accomplish at all. Meanwhile, write, write! I’m running out of stuff that isn’t mine and these days, I really like to see a variety of material. When it’s all mine, I feel as if I failed 🙂

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