WELCOME! LET US MAKE THIS EVENT STRESS FREE! – Marilyn Armstrong

RDP # 49 – WELCOME


Nurse: Welcome to the University of Massachusetts hospital! We are here to make your experience as comfortable as possible.

We’d like to get started by asking you to give us the identical information we required from you on your previous pre-op visit. Yes, I know, it’s in the computer, but we need to see it. Again. We feel doing everything at least three times will lower your stress levels and help us avoid working on the wrong piece of you.

Just kidding. That never happens.

I know we asked you to not bring your wallets or valuables. We apologize for that because we really meant was don’t FORGET to bring all your paperwork and of course, your wallet. So now, would you please give us your driver’s license, medical card, and if possible, a third identification displaying facial recognition?

Entry

No, I’m sorry. Your wife assuring me that this is you would not be “official” enough. If you didn’t bring the information we asked you not to bring, don’t worry. We’ll reschedule the whole procedure in another few months.

We’re sorry if we got in touch with you so late yesterday you had trouble arranging a ride to and from the hospital, but as we like to put it, “that’s not our problem.” We do the medical part. You work out the rest.

Nurse: Now, Mr. (pause) (looks at paper) Mr. Armstrong?

Me: “Speak up. He can’t hear you.”

Nurse: We’d like to see all your medical papers, listing all the medications you currently take, have taken in the past, or might take in the future. Also, your medical card and another form of ID that includes a picture. A driver’s license perhaps?

You’re trying to explain that you were merely following our printed directions? Like on that paper you are waving in the air?

We didn’t really mean it that way. We omitted a word. We really meant to say you should NOT FORGET to bring all your paperwork with you.

Hospitals get so busy, you know?

36 thoughts on “WELCOME! LET US MAKE THIS EVENT STRESS FREE! – Marilyn Armstrong

  1. You didn’t get to the part where they ask you to do a short, 87 question survey about your patient experience at the hospital. And if you happened to make it out the door without being accosted by one of these people who care so deeply about your utmost satisfaction with their health care experience, you can be assured they will call you nonstop for weeks until they are assured that you considered their service to be EXCELLENT! Not just good or fair or okie dokie….. but EXCELLENT!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This would make a terrific midnight scary story!
    I was literally exhausted just reading it through to the end and bending over with laughter….
    As I wrote on your next post: Hail to the good docs and their precious charge!

    Like

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