With two prompts, wise and reflection, I thought about me and wisdom. And reflection. And came up with the general feeling that I am not particularly reflective or wise. I probably never was.
Just getting by would probably describe my current package, along with the realistic understanding that I can’t handle this house on my own. There’s too much to be done and too little of me to handle it. Which would normally require a lot of reflection. I can’t think about that. I can’t even let my mind drift off in that direction. I will get depressed and then I will not only make myself miserable, I will make everyone who comes in contact with me miserable too.
If I have learned anything at all in my years on earth, it’s when you are gloomy and thinking dark thoughts, have the decency to shut up about it. Especially because it will pass and then, if you’ve been passing your misery around, it will all come back and bite you. Just when you are cheering up, everyone else is in a really bad mood and it actually is your fault.
I have some innate capacity to make the people around me feel like me. I had it when I was very young and was warned about it by various teachers. I was such an unpopular kid, it never occurred to me that anything I said or did had any effect on anyone, but apparently, I was completely wrong about that. Whatever was bothering me, give me a day or two and all my friends and colleagues will feel the same way.
It was the first time it occurred to me that I had any kind of effect on the world around me.
It was a shock. It took me years to learn to learn to control myself. Learn to shut up about stuff that’s bugging me, especially when it isn’t really important. Mostly, it took me a long time to figure out what was or wasn’t important. Almost everything just goes away. I get upset, but I work my way through it and come out the other side feeling okay.
This does not necessarily work for all the other people I’ve upset.
So, unless it’s important and I need help dealing with it, working through it on my own is my best bet.
To this day, I have to be careful. I affect others without realizing it, though to this day I have no idea why anyone bothers to listen to me. This was a huge shock when I was 12. By now, at least I’m used to it and a lot more careful.
I am not reflective.
I am not wise.
But — at least I have learned that it’s usually better to not haul in the brass band and a few dozen monkeys and open a personal circus. Making every little thing into a big deal is not a healthy choice.