DON’T EAT THAT! – Marilyn Armstrong

Detrimental to Your Health 

Don’t eat eggs. They’ll kill you with all that cholesterol. No, wait. Eggs have the good cholesterol. Eat eggs. But not hard cheese. Wait! Real cheese is good for you … but not milk. Never milk. Except for those of you with calcium issues.

Calcium pills are better for you. Nope. We just discovered all vitamin pills are worthless. You need to get back to eating real food.

Except for animal fat (but butter is better) and eggs only on Tuesdays in a month that has 31 days or contains an “R” in it.

Everything is bad for you, good for you, dangerous, calamitous, fattening, helps you lose weight. Or will make you fat for sure.

We used to watch television back in a more benign news era and wait for the killer medical news of the day. Everything that would kill you on Monday (if it didn’t destroy your heart, it would probably give you cancer) and might very well be just what you need by Friday.

We concluded all food is detrimental to your health, but only if you eat it. The only possible solution is to not eat. Give up food.

No, wait. You have to eat, right? Damn, just when I thought I’d worked it all out. Okay, eat — but skip the bacon. It’s not detrimental to your health, but it’s really bad for the pigs.

Author: Marilyn Armstrong

Opinionated writer with hopes for a better future for all plus a big helping of cynicism.

52 thoughts on “DON’T EAT THAT! – Marilyn Armstrong”

  1. I like the post and all the comments! Very sensible…..
    A choc & red wine diet is totally cool – I’m living up to that recipe and I’m just fine – especially around Christmas. Works a treat!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It started with eggs. Bad for you. Nope, good for you. Oh, wait … maybe not exactly good. Maybe only good sometimes. Or … well … Every single day, there was a medical crisis on the news. They had a special crisis doctor. I’m sure if you actually were to try and follow their directions, you’d totally lose it. You’d never remember what you were supposed to eat. Garry is yelling at me about typing. I have to stop now because he’s right.

      Liked by 1 person

            1. I had my second (small) piece of cheesecake in 3 days last night. It was yummy and my stomach wasn’t angry with me. Glad we didn’t have any other ready to eat goodies around. Temptation grows stronger at night. I’m a salt (pretzels, etc) and sweets (apple thingies) addict. I have a mental prober that listens to my stomach. 10pm really is last call for guilty treats.

              Liked by 1 person

    1. Breathing is bad? Oh, Geez! Now you tell me. Hold on, Widd, I have some surgical masks stashed in the bathroom closet, Guess I may live to see tomorrow and more banned things.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. So so true. Just wash your hands before every bite full or you wind up in bed like me with amoebas. Again! So, it’s back to the ten day course of Flagyl three times a day. The inevitable yearly curse, no matter how careful I am.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My first husband never quite got rid of the Flagyl. He became (eventually) allergic to the medication and I think it never really left his system. I still don’t know where he got it, but it certainly wasn’t from any lack of sanitation!


    2. Life, I read somewhere that the hand wash lotion is bad for you. Might’ve been one brand. Don’t recall. Amoebas? I remember them from High School Science which I never really grasped. Remember the plastic bag ban? They’re still using them. I won’t rat out who. We use the plastic bags to line our little garbage/trash cans. Back to paper bags? They used to be home for vermin before we switched to plastic bags. What the heck will the guy say to Benjamin in “The Graduate” when he reveals the magic word about success in life?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can’t drink (never could). Makes me really sick and it makes me really sick really FAST. I stopped liking chocolate a few years ago, though I remember loving it when I was younger. Funny how tastes change, though, isn’t it? My son who has ALWAYS hated fish suddenly loves clams and shrimp. I don’t like chocolate and Garry suddenly has a sweet tooth. He was always more into the salty stuff.

        Liked by 1 person

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