A TRUMP CHRISTMAS CAROL – BY TOM CURLEY

I spent Christmas day watching various traditional Christmas movies. I’ve seen them all a zillion times, but I did anyway. I think it’s the law.

I watched Miracle On 34th Street. The original one.

I watched A Christmas Story.

Well, part of it. I mean, I’ve seen it a zillion times.

And I watched Scrooged. A modern update of A Christmas Carol starring Bill Murray.

Like all remakes of A Christmas Carol, Bill Murray is a mean miser of a boss who gets shown his past present and future by three ghosts and shown his good side and is redeemed and becomes a good person. God bless us, every one.

So, after immersing myself in movies where there is peace on Earth, goodwill towards men and a kid can get a Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock (even though you could shoot your eye out), I turned on MSNBC.

Back in the real world, the government was shut down because Fox News told the Toddler-in-Chief to do so.  Two children had died in the custody of the Immigration Department. And the poor President of the United States tweeted he had to cancel his two-week vacation in Florida and was stuck all alone on Christmas Eve in the White House.

He even tweeted “Poor me.” And whose fault were these things? The Democrats of course.

Then I got to thinking, a President alone on Christmas Eve (not counting his now unpaid Secret Service detail) is Scrooge on steroids. If anybody needed to be visited by three ghosts, it’s this dick. But then I got to wondering how that would turn out.

First, he has to be visited by an old partner who warns him he is evil and is going to be visited by three ghosts. Hmm, who would that be? Of course! Richard Nixon!

GHOST OF RICHARD NIXON: (Really dead looking and bound in chains and the Watergate tapes) Donald Trump!

TRUMP: AHHH! Who are you?

GHOST OF RICHARD NIXON: I am the ghost of Richard Nixon!

TRUMP: Really? You don’t look like him. You look like shit.

GHOST OF RICHARD NIXON: Well, of course, I look like shit. I’m dead you asshole.

TRUMP: You should try some of my daughter Ivanka’s spa treatments. It’ll take years off your face. I can get you a discount.

GHOST OF RICHARD NIXON: Really? I’d love to get rid of the bags under my eyes… wait, what am I doing? I’m here to tell you that if you keep leading the life you’ve been leading you are going to end up like me.

TRUMP: What? An ugly ghost with really bad bags under my eyes Not going to happen. I have dermatologists. The best dermatologists.

GHOST OF RICHARD NIXON: What? No! You’ll be doomed to wander the Earth, bound by the chains you created in life.

TRUMP: Will they be the best chains? I know a lot about chains. I know more about chains than anybody in the world.

GHOST OF RICHARD NIXON: Jesus Christ, Tillerson was right, you are a fucking moron. Look, here’s the deal. Tonight, you will be visited by three ghosts.

TRUMP: Will they be the best ghosts?

GHOST OF RICHARD NIXON: Yes, no, I don’t know, oh fuck this. I’m out of here. God, you’re an asshole.

The ghost disappears, and Trump goes to the bathroom and sends a series of tweets blaming Obama and the Democrats for, well, everything. He leaves the bathroom to find the ghost of Christmas Past, who looks a lot like Howard Stern.

TRUMP: Howard Stern! How’d you get in here?

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: I am not Howard Stern! I am the Ghost of Christmas Past.

TRUMP: Really? Are you sure? You really look like Howard Stern. Babba Boey!

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: I’m not fucking Howard Stern! I’m here to show you your past.

TRUMP: Why? My past was great.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: No, it wasn’t

TRUMP: Yes, it was.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: No, it wasn’t.

TRUMP: Was too.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: Are you kidding me? You bankrupt four casinos in Atlantic City for Christ’s sake. You were a billion dollars in debt and used that to not pay any taxes for over ten years! You’ve been laundering money for the Russians since 2001! You stiff your contractors and your lawyers. You’ve been sued over 3000 times!

TRUMP: Fake news. Never happened.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: What? No, of course, it did. It’s on record.

TRUMP: No, it isn’t.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: Yes, it is! Oh, for God’s sake, I can’t deal with this anymore. Nixon was right. You are a fucking moron.

At this point, the Ghost of Christmas Past dissolves in a cloud of disgust and Trump goes back to the bathroom to write more rage tweets that contain the words “No Collusion” and “Witch Hunt!” When he comes out, he is confronted by the Ghost of Christmas Present, who looks a lot like Rachel Maddow.

TRUMP: Rachel Maddow?! How’d you get in here?? You’re fake news! I never watch you! I watched your show last night! You’re very unfair! NO COLLUSION!

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT: I am not Rachel Maddow. I am the Ghost of Christmas Present!

TRUMP: You’re bringing me a present? Great! I’d like a gold toilet for the Lincoln bedroom.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT: No, I’m not the Ghost of Christmas Presents. I’m the Ghost of Christmas Present!

TRUMP: What’s the difference?

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT: What’s the difference?? I’m here to show you how bad your present is! You’ve shut down the government over a stupid wall that will never be built. You’re forcing people to work for no pay. You are separating babies from their parents at the borders and you’re under 17 different investigations over all the crimes you’ve committed.

TRUMP: No, I’m not. If I was, nothing I’ve done is against the law. And even if it was against the law, it’s Obama’s fault. Fake news!

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT: Nixon and the Ghost of Christmas Past warned me about this. I didn’t believe them. Nobody can be this much of an asshole. I’m gone.

The Ghost disappears in a puff of disbelief and disgust and Trump (you guessed it) goes back to the john to retweet a video exposing the faces of Seal Team Five. When he returns to his bedroom he is confronted with the final ghost. The ghost of Christmas future. Who looks just like Steve Bannon.

TRUMP: Steve! I thought I fired you! Wait, I get it, you’re like one of them ghosts right? You just look like Steve Bannon.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE: No, I’m Steve Bannon. I just moonlight as the Ghost of Christmas Future. Been doing it for years.

TRUMP: Is that why you always looked like death warmed over?

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE: No, I’ve always look like this.

TRUMP: So why are you here?

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE: You know, the usual. If you don’t change your ways, you will end up penniless and alone. Your life will have been a waste, and no one will remember you. Blah blah blah.

At this point, they both break up laughing.

TRUMP: Yeah, like that’s going to happen.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE: Hey, I had to try, or I don’t get paid.

The Ghost disappears is a cloud of dust and rancid bourbon and Trump goes to bed. He wakes up Christmas morning and opens his bedroom window and sees a boy.

TRUMP: Boy! Who are you? What is your name?

BOY: It’s Eric. I’m your son.

TRUMP: What day is it?

ERIC: It’s Christmas.

TRUMP: It’s Christmas! So, it’s not too late!

Trump goes down to the Oval Office and signs an executive order canceling pay raises for all Federal Employees.

So, there you have it. Peace on Earth, goodwill toward men, and God Bless us every one.

But only if you’re white of course.

WELCOME TO MY HUMBLE HOME – Marilyn Armstrong

RDP FRIDAY: HOSPITALITY

You are welcome. All of you. Everyone. People and dogs and birds and squirrels and cats and puppies. Hell, bring the coyotes and a few raccoons.

Home

No one ever comes to this house except my son and granddaughter. No one. In the almost 30 years we’ve been married, once my brother passed away, not a single family member has come to visit. It’s weird. Our friend Ben had the same problem. It took him 30 years to get his sisters to visit … and when they did, it was total chaos.

Be careful what you wish for.

So, no one comes here. Maybe it’s the dogs? They are hairy and they bark. Maybe it’s the barking. They are loud. And hairy.

So consider this an official invitation. We have plenty of room including a guest room with a brand new queen-size bed and a dining room and everything. And the dogs usually stop barking after a while. It’s just their way of saying “HI Y’ALL!” Loudly.

As for the hair, think of it as a condiment. It goes with everything.

FORGIVE ME LEST I NEVER SLEEP AGAIN – Marilyn Armstrong

FOWC with Fandango — Forgive

I didn’t sleep at all last night. I don’t mean I slept restlessly. I mean I was awake the entire night. It was a variety of physical issues. As soon as I got one problem settled down, another popped up.

There are nights like this. Fortunately, not often.

Back in the day, it didn’t bother me very much unless I had a particularly difficult day at work. I’m getting too old to go a whole night without sleep. I’ve got stuff to do. Maybe I can send Garry can pick up a few things and we can defer this for one more day? Pick up a pizza for dinner?

It’s a sunny day! Not a bird was in the sky!

It started when I got to bed very late. Why? Because I was trying to read and respond to blogs — at least to the blogs for the people I consider online friends. I didn’t get to everyone, but at least I managed to get a bunch of them done. Everything else? Deleted. It’s in the Reader. Maybe I’ll find a free hour. Maybe.

My body has shifted all its daytime stuff to the middle of the night. Lots of trips to the bathroom make it hard to settle down — and that’s not the only thing. Everyone else does that stuff during the day. Me? Middle of the night which sometimes makes deep sleep treacherous. I had a reminder list rolling through my head, too. Call the Senior Center to make an appointment to get taxes done. Their times fill up quickly because it’s a free service from the AARP, something I appreciate with all my heart. I have never been any good at doing taxes, not in my entire tax-paying life.

The bright window

And then my legs cramped. I wrapped them in heating pads and after an hour or so, they stopped trying to curl up in weird knots. It’s strange to watch them when they do that. The tendons stand out and the feet curl upwards. It means I’m not drinking enough stuff with electrolytes in it.

Whenever I felt sleepy, my body did something inconvenient and occasionally, painful. My chest, which is still loose and crunches when I move, was particularly crunchy last night. My acid reflux was refluxing like mad because I’ve been trying to take fewer antacids, but my gut doesn’t agree. I think it is never going to get on that bandwagon.

Flowering Christmas Cactus

That I didn’t get into bed until well after 2 in the morning probably didn’t help. If I stay up late enough, I wake up. I am most sleepy around 2 in the afternoon. After I overcome that drowsiness, I get more and more wakeful, so by midnight when Garry is toddling off to bed, I’m ready to party. Well, you know. Not really party hearty, but my version of partying which mostly involves computers and writing and processing photographs. At least after night falls, I stop taking pictures.

So day rolled around again and it’s a beautiful one. Relatively warm with sunshine and blue skies.  The coffee is brewing. I know in an hour, I’ll be ready to crash.

Somehow, night and day have flipped around and that circadian rhythm has gone totally askew. My body thinks night is for doing stuff and except for the 2pm sleepy time, I never seem quite ready for sleep. This didn’t bother me much when I was young. I slept very little and it was okay. I could handle a day’s work on three or four hours of sleep, but as the years have advanced, I need sleep or I’m a train wreck.

At least I figure I’ll sleep tonight. In the recliner and in bed. I think I have a solid 12 hours of sleep waiting for me. I sure hope so. Time to call the Senior Center. Well, not quite yet. in another half hour. Meanwhile, coffee anyone?

MONOCHROMES AND MONOTONES: CEE’S FUN FOTO CHALLENGE – Marilyn Armstrong

Cee’s Fun Foto Challenge: Colorful Monotones

Monochromes (monotones) are a favorite of mine and really, I have a lot of them. Except I can’t remember where they are, so I found a few and rest are hiding in all my folders.

There are so many folders. Years of folders and then there are the other folders. If I don’t remember the month in which I took a picture, I have no way to find it. I really do need a better organization system!

Our fireplace in the living room is entirely brick
Green Japanese Maple tree
Tomatoes in summer
A beige woods

AND SO BLOOMS ANOTHER CHRISTMAS CACTUS – Marilyn Armstrong

A New Year’s  Christmas Cactus – FOTD – 1-4-19

The buds have been big since before Christmas, but this cactus waited until the New Year to bloom. I suppose that would make it a New Year’s cactus?

The buds were pink and the bud which has not yet opened is also dark pink, but after opening, it seems more red than pink. In any case, that’s what the camera picked up.

The leaves are translucent, so how red or pink the blossom appears depends on the light.

Blooming

It was a sunny day. I had to wait until the sun wasn’t directly on the flower. I need the brightness of the sun, but in full sun, parts of the flower burn out and processing the pictures becomes problematic.

Very close

It’s easier to wait an hour until the sun has moved to the west a few degrees. This time of year, it doesn’t take long for the sun to move along.

These are all macros because that’s the lens I had on the camera. Besides,  what’s the point of having a macro lens if you don’t use it to photograph flowers?