THE SCISSORS ARE GONE – Marilyn Armstrong

Two nights ago, the kitchen scissors disappeared.

I hadn’t used them and Garry is certain he put them where they belonged, which is in the kitchen scissors slot in the wood block where we keep all the knives. He is absolutely positive that he put them there.

I’m never absolutely sure I did or didn’t do anything. As often as not, it’s what I meant to do, but somewhere along the line, I got distracted. I had the item in my hand, but something happened and I went somewhere else — like maybe the bedroom or the bathroom — and I just put the item down. Somewhere. I have no idea where.

But at least I have the sense to never swear I know where I put whatever it was because so many times, it never got there. It went somewhere, but not where it was supposed to go. Garry’s sense of total certainty aggravates me. Because the scissors aren’t there.

They also aren’t anywhere else in the house and we’ve done a pretty thorough search of the premises including bedroom, offices, bathrooms, basement, bedroom — AND the freezer and refrigerator. Don’t laugh. I’ve found all kinds of things in the freezer.

Not just Garry looking, either. This is both of us looking. The thing is, these are kitchen shears and the were expensive. They don’t travel far and in the years we’ve had them (like three years, I think) they’ve never wandered outside the kitchen. I have box cutters that I use for unpacking stuff from Amazon. I actually have three box cutters: two in the kitchen and a third in the basement.

Note the scissors in the front slot. These are now missing.

We will continue looking for the scissors, but wherever they are, they shouldn’t be there. I can’t in all honesty blame this one on the dogs. They don’t have the digits to make the scissors work and anyway, that’s what fangs are for.

The spare scissors from the bedroom now occupy the scissors slot.

It could be those pixies again, but they tend to lift shiny things like jewelry. Earrings. Necklaces. I’m sure they are the ones that put my favorite necklace in the sock drawer of Garry’s dresser because I would never put it there nor would Garry.

I could be sleep-walking again. I have done some very odd things while sound asleep … but even so, what could I possibly have done with them, asleep or not?

At our age, it’s never a good idea to say you are 100% sure you did something because the truth is, maybe we didn’t. I usually blame the pixies or the dogs, depending on whether it’s glittery (pixies) or plastic (dogs) or paper (also dogs).

Assuming sleep-walking wasn’t involved.

The man who absolutely positively put the scissors back in their slot.

I’ll let you know should we ever find the scissors.

On another subject, I’m not feeling well and I’ve got doctors appointments on two different days and I have to get blood tests, too.

I’ll try to fit in writing and picture-taking, but I have a headache so bad my eyeballs hurt. I’ll do the best I can to provide new material, but honestly, I’m feeling not-so-great and it’s hard to be my charming self when my eyeballs hurt.

I was sufficiently sick that Garry opened a cookbook — VOLUNTARILY — and figured out how to cook swordfish with rice (he already knew how to use the rice cooker). It came out perfectly and tasted excellent. I needed a meal. I hadn’t eaten in 24 hours and I was hungrier than I thought.

I ate it. It was good!

The scissors are still missing. I ordered a much less expensive pair. The other ones might yet reappear in some strange place. Maybe the dogs DID do it.

Author: Marilyn Armstrong

Writer, photography, blogger. Previously, technical writer. I am retired and delighted to be so. May I live long and write frequently.

32 thoughts on “THE SCISSORS ARE GONE – Marilyn Armstrong”

      1. 1- Scissors: Yes, i am pretty sure I returned to proper place. Do I still take the fall for this?
        2 – I know the swordfish and rice dinner was no big deal but I GOT IT DONE (WITH YOUR HELP).

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      1. This kinda stuff happens to me often and it drives me nuts. Puuulleeze find the scissors cause even though I’m not there, I’m gonna lose sleep thinking’ about it. Let me know the moment you find them, or rather, next time just don’t tell us, OK?

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    1. I didn’t sleep, but that’s because the inside of me is in full rebellion to the rest of me. And yes, I’m still anemic, so I have to go and let them find some vein somewhere into which they can infuse me. Oy. It’s gonna be ugly AND I’m going to feel worse. Or, on the other hand, if this is what’s making me feel so bad, maybe better?

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    1. I searched the trash (we hadn’t gotten rid of it yet). I didn’t look in the recycling bin, though … but I think that got emptied. Not, however, taken to the curb. But I have given up. The tragedy will have to evolve on its own.

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    2. evilsquirrel13: I used a brand new set of cutlery I bought in Switzerland (very good quality it was too) for our house warming party in England. Guess what: One brand new knife and fork went missing and I’m sure it got thrown in the garbage by error. So that set counts 5 knives, 5 forks, 6 fish knives, 6 table spoons and 6 coffee spoons…. Great!

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  1. Things like that go missing in our house all the time. We’ve learned that when they’re ready, and not a moment before, they’ll turn up again, and be all, ‘What’s your problem?’ 😀

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    1. swo8: YEP! I try to buy at least 8 or 10 pairs of the very same socks for Hero Husband but still I end up with funny non pairings…. We have other ‘pixies or monsters’ too you might know. I put some clothes in the wardrobe and when I take them out next time to wear, the pixies have sown them one or two sizes smaller 😉

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  2. We also have had stuff go missing, my cookbooks which I didn’t know were missing until I wanted a particular recipe and found the book(s) gone. In our case, it was a thief but still, it’s annoying because they are out of print impossible to find. argh! so I know the feeling of an important item just gone!

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  3. Maybe thrown away accidentally? We funnily enough have 4 pairs and n the kitchen (only two are truly kitchen shears) there is a pair in each bathroom, in the hall closet, in the bedrooms, in the den and in the “office” nooks!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 ✂️ ✂️ ✂️ ✂️

    Feel better soon!! Sending good thoughts!!

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  4. I’m a bit late to the party but what the heck….
    I had to smile, I SO know this story and all it’s verses – in our household it’s the same thing – I never swear I know where things are but Hero Husband is – and he is just about always wrong – I then have to tell him all the possible and impossible places where the ‘things’ COULD BE, and two items are always mentionnend: Did you check the freezer and the bread box? For the first 18 years he got terribly mad at me because he just doesn’t get my sense of humour but now for the sake of not angering me more he just says: Yeah, I checked, they are not there…..
    We have various sets of many items in their half-dozens because….. yeah, they got lost and I didn’t have the time to search for ages (and sometimes it takes ages before they turn up God knows where, but not where they should be!), and therefore I have at least 2 scissors in the kitchen, one in the living room, one in our bathroom upstairs, one in my study and one in HH’s study, plus surely one or two in the basement where we also occasionally urgently need scissors… And then I have two very private ones, one with zig-zag blades for cutting fine textiles or paper, God know what for I needed those and a very good one for cutting textiles ONLY…..
    Are you now feeling better? I hope so, nothing better than seeing somebody else’s even greater failings than one’s own 🙂

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