ARE WE THERE YET? SHORT FICTION FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY – Marilyn Armstrong

“Oh shut up. Can’t you kids ever stop squabbling back there? I’m going to put both of you on a time out, I swear I am.”

“But MOM, he TOUCHED ME!”

“Loretta, I am going to touch you and then you will have reason to cry. Joey, leave your sister alone.”

Voice of boy child with a strong adenoidal whine: “But MOOOOOOM, she’s taking up the whole back seat and I can’t help touching her. And why can’t I touch her? She touches me all the time.”

“She does what??”

“I do not”

“Do too.”

“DO NOT!@!”

{Long pause.}

In a whisper: “Do too.”

“Do not.”

Traffic

A booming baritone from the front seat, the Voice of Dad, speaks: “One more word out of either of you and I will stop this car and you will both be crying and you’ll have a damned good reason.”

{Whispers}

“Do not.”

“Do too.”

{Pause, pause, pause}

The sound of vomiting fills the car along with a sickening and pungent odor.

“Ew. Yuk. MOM he barfed all over me! Make him clean it up.”

Chorus:

“ARE WE THERE YET?”


This show has been brought to you by Happy Family, the breakfast cereal that’s got it all … sugar, food dye, trans-fat, and gluten. And no, we are not there yet.



Categories: Fiction, Humor, Marilyn Armstrong, Photography

Tags: , , , , , ,

20 replies

  1. Pointing at you.
    Mom he’s pointing at me.

    Like

  2. Brings back memories of when we were young and the adults ruled . . . . just saying, Claudia

    Like

  3. And eerily you’ve raised a faded ghost in my memory. Long drives in my mother’s various old cars, and my siblings (there were the three of us) arguing about who got to sit by the window, and who was touching who, and someone bawling eventually because someone else smacked them for touching them. My mother, a mediocre driver at best, would eventually snap and the screaming would stop all of us from making any noise whatsoever until we got where we were going. No ice cream for us…

    Like

  4. Many years ago we drove to Florida from the north of Canada with three small children, one still in diapers. That was a trip to remember….chuckle…
    Leslie

    Like

  5. Did you sneak a tape recorder into my car during one of my family’s road trips?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. So funny and true. Some kids complain even if the other one looks at them!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This was why station wagons used to have those rear facing seats that kept the kids as far as legally possible away from the adults on road trips…

    Like

  8. And kids always barf at the right moment

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Haha ! Loved the family entertainment! 🤣😂😂😂

    Like

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