No Mystery Here, by Rich Paschall

Many questions may arise throughout each week in your household.  If it is a multi-person household, it may be difficult to ascertain the answers, but in a two-person household, there is just one option.

You probably know all these questions.  They are standard and customary in life.  People everywhere are asking them.  Some will need to be repeated often during the year.  Each response, if you get one in your multi-person home, may surprise you.  If you have multiple teenagers, for example, you may think you know who caused _________ (fill in the issue), only to find out later that a different teenager, or even your mate, is responsible.

Arriving at Chicago O’Hare

When my mate joined me here, all things were fine at first.  I tried to accommodate my friend as best I could, and he tried to fit into the routine of his new house.  Each of us, I do believe, was conscious of the fact that changes and concessions needed to be made.

Then something happened, as it does with all mates.  We got comfortable with one another.  This meant we reverted to old habits from when we lived alone or picked up new ones based on our new environment.

This inevitably led to the type of situations that most of us face. These situations give rise to the questions you certainly have heard, and/or asked throughout your lifetime.  Now, here in our humble lodgings, I have those same questions, and of course, so does my mate.  We both know the answers to these questions, as there can be just one answer, but we sometimes ask them anyway.

“Who left the empty milk carton on the kitchen table?” The answer to this is the same as the more frustrating variable, “Who put the empty milk carton back in the refrigerator?” Usually, the response is the “I don’t know” look.  You know, the same one the dog will give you when asked who knocked over the garbage can and spread its contents about.

We also have “Who used up the paper towels and did not replace the roll?”  We always have paper towels on hand  One of us did not grow up with the concerns about waste as the other.  Three rolls of paper towels would have lasted me a year.  Now we buy a six-roll pack every few weeks.

That question is not as frustrating as the similar “Who used up the toilet paper and did not replace the roll?” Yes, we keep toilet paper in the bathroom, but I never discover there is none on the roller until I need it.  Furthermore, someone often removes the old roll and puts it in a basket in the bathroom.  No, not a wastebasket, but one of four small metal baskets on a stand used for various toiletries.

I guess that would give rise to the “Who did not put this empty roll in the recycle bin?” but that really is not the more important question, is it?

Each of us prefers to do the dishes because quite honestly, we both think the other one sucks at it.  Seriously, rubbing a soapy sponge over a dish does not necessarily clean it, but I digress.  Unlike my mate, I have lived in the apartment for many years and know exactly how much of something we have.  So, when I am doing the dishes, I know what is missing.

“Do you have one of the wine glasses in the bedroom?”  This might actually go along with the protestation “No!” “Well we are missing one and it is not in the cabinet, not in the kitchen or living room, so it must be in the bedroom.”  Once again  I may get the same stare your dog has perfected for “Who, me?”  “Oh, yes it is here, sorry.”

Now I will confess that I too can be on the wrong end of our household questions.  I may hear “Rich?”  Actually, in our case, it is more likely to be “Reeeeech?” This may come in a somewhat ominous and accusing tone.

“Yes?”

“Did you eat the other pastry I brought home from the Colombian bakery yesterday?”  I can not accuse the dog since we do not have one.  And I can not blame the cat since he never comes in the house anymore since John is here.  He has taken up residence in the basement.  Besides, the cat does not like pastry, as far as I know.

Since we are both drivers on the same car, we can now ask “Who drove the car last and left the gas tank on ‘E,’ as in empty?”  Fortunately, roomie is willing to right this particular wrong, if I am willing to hand over the cash, or the credit card.

There are many other questions.  “Who left their socks on the living room floor?  Who left their gym shoes in the middle of the kitchen floor? Who broke my coffee cup?”

You can see each of these questions has but one answer.  Sometimes, I do not bother asking them as I do not need to drive the point home…again. But I will ask all of them again soon because that is the way of modern life in our household.  How about yours?

Categories: Family, Humor, Rich Paschall

Tags: dumb questions, household chores, household humor, roommates