A COLLAPSING WORLD IN “SAN ANDREAS FAULT” – Marilyn Armstrong

RDP Tuesday: Fault

Last night, tired of the endless depressing, appalling, horrible news from around the world, Garry played a movie he had previously recorded.

San Andreas Fault is not merely a disaster film. It is every disaster film you have ever seen in one film. It’s earthquakes that will turn Kansas into the Pacific beach capital of the nation. It’s crashing buildings, towering infernos, the hugest Omigod tsunamis. We get to see the bravest heroes and most craven cowardice.

It’s all there. Everything you can pack into a movie is in this one. From CGI to humor (parts are so bad they are funny) to the end of the world, to the final line we all know is coming.

The crashing bridge

Every cliché from every disaster movie made in the past century are in this film.  I’m pretty sure we’ve seen all of them, but we’d never seen this one before.

I think it was originally filmed in 3D. Everyone said it was drivel, but it made more than $300,000 million at the box office, so clearly drivel sells well.

Crashing cruise ship

It certainly sold well at our house last night. When the intended second husband of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson‘s wife (Carla Gugino)  played by Ioan Gruffudd (aka “The Asshole”) abandons Rock’s daughter to her fate, trapped under fallen cement in a parking garage, it’s no less than you expect from the cowardly CEO of a major corporation.

Hollywood crashing

We know they are cowards because … well …that’s what they always do in the movies, right? Have you ever seen a brave, manly CEO stand up to anyone or anything outside a boardroom? Especially when they are trying to marry the hero’s ex-wife who we all know should be with the hero.

Even though The Hero can’t utter a coherent sentence (and probably hasn’t since he came back from The War) (insert name of war here), he’s a hero (with medals to prove it) and would never run. Not even when a million tons of water and a complete cruise ship is about to fall on his head.

The Rock watching everything crash

Ultimately, the family reconnects. The entire west coast is smoldering ruins covered by about half the Pacific Ocean. There isn’t a bridge, a building … nothing. Total, absolute devastation from Canada to Mexico.

Garry is giggling to himself.  Because he knows. I know. We both know. It’s coming. That final line.

The Rock (who is no longer the Rock), arm around his wife, his daughter  (having been saved by him of course), is gazing over the wreckage of the world and Garry murmurs sotto voce: “Now … we rebuild.”

[Beat. Beat. Beat. Pause about 3 seconds.]

The Rock says: “Now … we rebuild.”

Garry collapses into laughter. The last time he laughed that much was when Trevor Noah had Ben Carson on the show and Trevor did a better Ben Carson than Ben Carson.

Garry was still howling while the credits rolled. It was a perfect ending.

san-andreas-fault-with-dwayne-the-rock-johnson-000

We’d seen the world end. We’d see the best, the bravest. The worst. We’d seen the most depraved cowardice imaginable and in HD wide-screen. In our own living room, no less.

But now, we will rebuild. We have to rebuild … because … SAN ANDREAS 2 is coming! 

As the headline says, this will finally allow The Rock (who no longer calls himself “the Rock”, so you have to call him Dwayne) (it’s a long way from being ‘The Rock’ to being Dwayne) to punch an earthquake.

Then, we will rebuild.

Author: Marilyn Armstrong

Writer, photography, blogger. Previously, technical writer. I am retired and delighted to be so. May I live long and write frequently.

29 thoughts on “A COLLAPSING WORLD IN “SAN ANDREAS FAULT” – Marilyn Armstrong”

    1. But it’s actually hilarious and I don’t think entirely accidentally Dwayne (previously “The Rock”) is a funny guy. He plays it for laughs too. It’s actually a fun thing to watch, as long as you aren’t expecting anything “deep.”

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Just thinking about y’all sitting there, giggling and thinking wait for it…wait for it….WAIT FOR IT…. Made my day. I actually LOL’d. Which rarely occurs these days. Gracias for the laugh and the movie suggestion!

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    1. It’s not deep, it’s not sensitive, it’s not a classic, but it’s fun. It’s so OBVIOUSLY fake, you don’t have to feel like it “might happen to you.” If our world were THAT devastated, I don’t think we could rebuild.

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  2. I am not sure if I have ever seen the film, but will note it to have a look. I love catastrophe films, unfortunately Mr. Swiss doesn’t. But I was always fascinated by faults in the earth like the St. Andreas. you never know what could happen.

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    1. The thing is the fault — San Andreas — in California is big, long, and deep. It hasn’t made half of California fall into the ocean — yet — but many people think it could. I don’t know enough about it to say one way or the other, but I’d prefer to be on the other half of the continent if it does happen.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Anything that makes people laugh and laugh these days is good. My tarot business card says ‘…because sometimes you feel post-apocalyptic…’ and a lot of us do lately. Laughing helps bigtime.

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  4. I haven’t seen this but I’m not really a fan of disaster movies. Remember when there was such a spate of them in the seventies I think it was. Starting with The Poseidon Adventure, going on to Towering Inferno, Earthquake and I think there were a couple of others that I can’t think of now. We had a cinema in Adelaide that had been fitted out for surround sound and they all played there. I guess that is the good thing about a disaster movie. You can just put a bunch of celebs in it and kill them off one by one without any need for a good storyline. Maybe they were good films, they were certainly popular but just not my cup of tea.

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  5. I have to say, this had me laughing, just picturing you two doubled over laughing. It’s so true. There are so many movies like that that include every possible disaster all rolled into one. Glad you enjoyed though. That’s what counts! 🙂

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  6. Sheepishly, I admit to having seen this a couple of years ago. You are right on all counts, it IS every disaster movie, ever made, rolled into one. I say, Sheepishly, as I finally found someone else who dared to live through it and tell the story.
    Carry on O brave ones.

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